Wishful

Un-Jinful Conflict

"You have everyone else fooled Sierra but I know you are NOT our soulmate!" Jin retorts.

I freeze at his accusation. 

The dark intensity coming from Jin is frightening.  My heartbeat accelerates.  I feel dizzy, shaky, and anxious from the triggering of my body's flight or fight response.

My thoughts are scrambled, as I try to figure out what I should say or do?  It was stupid of me to try to confront Jin - especially if I wasn't ready to tell him the truth!

I deciding to flee this confrontation, I turn around to find Jin blocking my exit out the door!  I halt immediately knowing I'm trapped in a stalemate.  There's no way I can leave this room without touching Jin or answering his questions!

Jin quirks an eyebrow at me, silently daring me to try and push past him. He knows he has the upper hand.  I stare helplessly at him in frustration. Jin knows that I won't force a soulmate bond to form.

"What's it going to be Sierra?  You going to push past me and  "mark" me...or are you going to tell me the truth?"  Jin doesn't say anything further, he just finishes buttoning up his long sleeved shirt.

My only defense is to lamely protest, "But I-I-I AM your soulmate."

Jin let's out a sarcastic laugh.  It's dark and forced, nothing like his happy trademark windshield wiper laugh.  "You and I both know that isn't true!  This is your chance to come clean.  Tell me the TRUTH!"  He demands.

I'm tongue tied!  I don't want to lie to him...but I can't exactly tell him the truth either.  I don't know what to do or say? 

So much of this shifting reality is a mystery to me.  In many ways it feels like the most beautiful and realistic of dreams...but in other ways like now it feels like a nightmare!

All I wanted was for my soulmates to love and accept me!  I'd been so confident that making a shifting script before entering this reality that everything would go perfectly!  My SAFE WORD: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, was only meant to be a last resort!

I couldn't stop the small tears that escaped to run unchecked down my cheek.  There was nothing left to do...

I rolled up the sleeve of my blazer, I'd worn it to have a more professional look and to hide the soulmate mark I shared with Namjoon, so the prying eyes of crew members not under a NDA with Big Hit wouldn't see it.

"This right here IS the same exact soulmate mark that Namjoon has!  I know you guys our especially close...you must feel some of the bond we share?" I ask him.

Jin looks a little stricken to see the musical note soulmate mark on my wrist. 

I know he won't ever admit it - but I know he feels me through the bonds we share with our bonded soulmates!  I haven't bonded with him, Hoseok, or Yoongi, but I can occasionally feel a little but of their stronger emotions through our shared soulmate bonds.

It's why I am so sad right now, I can literally feel how much hatred he has for me.

"I will NEVER accept you as my soulmate!  I don't know where you came from?  But I wish you would crawl back to whatever hellhole you came from!" Jin yells at me.

It stung to be so outright rejected by someone who I looked up to and admired. 

Jin might not have as many fans as the youngest members of BTS, but he'd managed to capture a piece of my OT7 ARMY heart. 

I've always thought that if Jin became less reserved about his sexyness, and exuded more of a confident demeanor when singing and dancing - he'd be the Hyung to give the Maknae line a run for their money!