A Court of Fire and Shadows -ON BREAK!!!-

Elain

"Ae!" I whispered to her, "Aelin!"

She groggily cracked open an eye, "Elain?" She mumbled.

"Ae, thank the Cauldron you're awake. Something happened."

She was immediately awake at my tone.

"What-"

"Let's go, I'll explain outside." I lowered my voice even more, "I don't want to risk them," I gestured to the room across the hall, "Overhearing anything."

She nodded and we quietly walked out of the house.

When we were deep enough into the forest she asked, "What happened?"

"So, Az and I have been coming out here at night-"

Aelin raised a brow suggestively and I punched her in the shoulder.

"To talk, Ae. There's a war going on, we're not that stupid."

"Yeah, but you two are lovesick. Anyway, where is Az?"

"I'm getting to that. So, we were lying down and talking in a small clearing and Rhys walks in."

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah, then he said that he wanted to talk to Az." I shook my head. "We fucked up, didn't we?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine." Aelin said with forced positivity.

I shot her a glare.

Then I felt a presence knocking at my mental shields.

Rhys.

I carved out a small antechamber and let him in.

Elain, he said into my mind, can I talk to you?

I didn't answer.

Please, Elain. It's important.

Fine, I told him, you can winnow to me.

I hauled my mental shields shut and made sure to reinforce them, just in case.

I turned to Ae, "Rhys wants to talk to me. He's winnowing to me."

Rhys was standing in front of me before I finished talking.

He glanced between Ae and I.

"Should I-" He started.

Aelin nodded, "Yeah."

He grabbed onto Aelin and winnowed her back to the estate, reappearing in front of me seconds later.

"What do you want?" I asked him bluntly, crossing my arms.

"I'm sorry, Elain. I messed up, I shouldn't have made him stay away from you, I had no right."

I scoffed, "You just realized this?"

He winced.

I spoke quietly, every word measured, "I am glad that I am fae now, but I did not ask for it. I did not ask for Lucien," I spat out his name, "To be my mate. The one person who I got to choose, the one person who let me choose him, you took him away from me."

"Elain, I-"

"You're right. You fucked up. Az might forgive you easily, but I'm not Az. You don't know how hard these past few weeks have been on him with all the sneaking around, disobeying your bullshit orders. I Saw what you said, I know you were lying but that doesn't make it better, does it? I can forgive what you did to me, but I can't forgive what you did to him."

"I'm sorry, Elain. What can I do, anything?"

I scoffed, "Rhys, you can't bribe me. There is nothing-"

Then I Saw it. A bird- a bird on fire. A Phoenix with black flame, darkness pouring out of it. 

Then a knife. My favorite blade, Thanatos. 

Death.

I faintly heard Rhys say, "Elain? Elain, what's wrong."

Then I blinked a few times and straightened up.

"Elain? What did you see?" He genuinely sounded concerned.

I looked up at him, "I need to talk to Az. Where is he?" MY voice was hoarse

"I don't know." 

I looked around for a moment before I saw the small wisp of shadow that Az had started leaving with me.

"Go find him," I murmured. It brushed up against me before disappearing.

Then I looked at Rhys again, "Actually, there is something you can do." I looked at the stars and took a deep breath, "Tomorrow, when I explain my vision, please make sure that Feyre and Nesta don't hate me." I shook my head when I saw Rhys starting to open his mouth to ask something, "You'll understand when I explain."

A moment later Az stepped out of the shadows, "Elain? What happened?"

I threw my arms around his neck, "Az," I murmured, "I Saw something."

Just them Rhys winnowed away.

"I Saw who the Dark and Death are." I took a small step back.

Worry and concern filled his eyes.

"Dark is Nix and Death-" I looked up at him, "Death is me."

"It makes sense." Az said thoughtfully, "You're an assassin and Nix... I don't know about Nix, but it makes sense that you're one of the three." he looked at me and saw the worry on my face. Understanding filled his eyes, "But then you're going to have to tell them everything."

I nodded, "That's what I'm worried about."

"Well, you wanted to tell them anyway, this is just earlier than you expected, right?"

"Yes, but this is big. I don't know how they'll react to me being an assassin. I kill for a living-"

"But, you only kill those who deserve it, right? Like the slave traders."

I nodded, "But what if they don't realize that, yes, I only killed horrible people but I still killed people and-"

"Elain,  you are not a terrible person."

How he knew exactly what was running through my mind, I had no idea.

"All of us have killed. Every single one of us. If they want to judge you for doing the same thing they have done, so be it. Just ignore them, it doesn't matter what they think."

"I didn't just kill, though. I killed for money-"

"That you didn't keep." He interjected.

He was right. Every last coin that we earned was given to the poor in our village or in others.

"I don't know, I feel like they aren't going to take it well."

"I'll be right here with you, Elain." He kissed the top of my head.

"Az," I hesitated, "I don't want to tell them about us yet."

"I don't either. Mor, Cass and Amren probably figured it out already though and Feyre and Rhys obviously know, but they won't say anything until we're ready."

I smiled at him softly, "I love you."

"I love you, too Ellie."

He leaned down and kissed me softly.

"So, what happened with Rhys?" He asked.

 "He apologized."

"And..." Az prompted.

"And I basically blew up at him. I couldn't help it! You know what he did-"

"Don't worry, I wanted to do the same thing, but Rhys is still my brother. I can't let a lapse in judgement tear us apart, right?"

"So what you're saying is I can be pissed at him enough for both of us, right?"

Az shook his head, though he was smiling, "That's not what I'm saying, Ellie, but go ahead."

I will continue