Because it's not a big deal, by Kim Taehyung
Your face, for the first time so long ago, caused a young boy's heart to flutter
I'd see you in the hallway and the dorms, and everything would slow to a poetic halt, but I would tell myself
It's not a big deal
Your mind is playing tricks on you, don't worry.
Whatever we did, from day to day as you somehow took a liking to me, remained the most amazing moment I'd experienced and you the most amazing person I'd ever laid eyes on, but I told myself
It's not a big deal
People will come and go and moments like these will become irrelevant eventually
You held my hand the first time I wept to you over lost love, like all the days and nights had cumulated to me myself and I and I was all you saw, but in my head, I rationalized,
It's not a big deal
Jimin looks at everybody with the sympathy of warm love.
For years.
"It's not a big deal" became my slogan; an advertisement for products such as hugs, and hand-holding and stolen kisses in the cloak of night.
It's not a big deal, but everything about how you made me feel, was.
Soon, the silent assurances turned to screams as I watched you eb and flow away from me.
It's not a big deal
I yelled at my friends who asked why you were gone all night?
Why were you always with other people?
Was that Jimin I saw in the bathroom of the club?
I thought he was with you?
It's not a big deal morphed into an iron clad fist, wrapped around my neck that denied me any voice to my feelings
I was afraid of getting hurt.
It's not a big deal was sobs in the bathroom and curt responses to questions of concern and everything in between the "I love you" I wished I could say.
I grew I changed, you grew you changed and eventually, It's not a big deal, felt believable again
But one day, "It's not a big deal" found its way back to a young boy, with bright eyes and a million stars in his heart.
Jungkook standing alone and full of life in front of me, tore me back to the man I was before:
Heart flutters, light touches and whispered feelings.
It's not a big deal
I told Jimin when he asked me why the blush on my cheeks delivered itself along with the newest employee every morning at 6am sharp.
Rationalizing once more but this time with the experience to not get hurt I found myself falling in love.
Everything about him drew me in because everything about him was magnetic
It's not a big deal,
He muttered, the first time I heard him singing to himself in the melody of birdsong and brooks
I watched him and Jimin and the pull they found and the home that started to blossom between our collective branches.
It's not a big deal the way my heart skips when I have them both by my side.
Weeks pass and my heart skips again at the words, "I think I like him too," uttered in a secret smile from my best friend's lips
It's not a big deal
I assure myself that it's normal.
It's not a big deal that instead of jealousy or resentment or hurt, my heart was charged with joy.
And as in every moment I waited standing on the edge of destruction, it appeared to me that what lay before me was nothing but love.
And It's not a big deal that I love my two best friends more than my heart should be able to take.
It's not a big deal that secrets are the constant fourth wheel to our relationship
It's not a big deal that everything I want from life lies in their arms.
But when I look at them,
Both of them,
I realize it is anything but insignificant.
They are everything to me.
They complete all of my shortcomings.
How I feel about them,
It is a big deal.
Love, Kim Taehyung
YOU ARE READING
Perplexing Simplicities
Fanfiction"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just saying, you know literally nothing, and to a normal person, that was a normal interaction. Don't read anything into it until you properly ask him out and get rejected." "Have you been paying attention?! I can't ask him out...
