𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬, jenzie.

• lighter 2

AJAJJAHSHSHD THANK U SO bad word MUCH FOR 26 K. fr though, everytime i hit a landmark? MILESTONE SORRY MY GOD i feel bad because idk how to show it to all of uuuuuu :( i mean i say thank u but idk it's just not enough goodbye this paragraph is cringyyy buttt if y'all want anything in return comment i'll try my best and make it happen :)))))

ALSO HAPPY RAMADAN FOR WHOEVER CELEBRATES :) I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD WEEK BBYS

also the first bit is like the ending of smut lowkey hate writing smut so i uh gonna make fun of it but the other half is fully pure well not really bevause is dark but well ok

TW : SUCIDE AND SLED HARM

he pulled out of me (🤮) and wobbled (he a penguin) over to flop beside me. he panted heavily (because he tired 💤) laying beside me.

we were both naked. ( well no shit)

we were also both on the bed. (yeah okay where else would u bad word)

he slid and arm under me and pulled me towards him. i rolled to him to tired to be reluctant to his aFtEr caRe.

"hey," he hummed slowly and held me tightly in his chest. i looked up and saw him gazing down at me. i blushed and reached down to tug the blanket over us.

"hey," he repeated since he hadn't gotten a response from me.

"hey," i responded and looked up. he placed his free hand against my cheek and rubbed softly.

"what were you doing before i came in," he asked softly.

"nothing," i said instantly and avoided his gaze. he gripped my chin firmly and tilted it upwards.

"what were you doing?" he asked staring into my eyes. i couldn't run away now, he was right infront of me.

"I-i dotn want to talk about it," i mumbled weakly glancing onto my hands that's eye fiddling with each other under the covers.

that always worked, everyone always left me alone after that. maybe i did want to talk about it but i didn't know who to talk to. maybe because everyone never cared enough to drop in a 'are your okay,'

"cut the crap," he said and pushed me away so he could look at me, "what's going on?"

fiddlesticks he knows me !1!2!3!4!5!

"nothing," i whispered as i forced myself to turn around so he wouldn't notice the trickling tears and my upcoming sobs.

he cared, which made my heart flutter. he cared about me but did he?

"kenz," he said softly as he pulled me towards him. my back pressed against his bare chest and i shivered involuntarily.

he placed his lips on my ear and lightly kissed it. it was such a feathery feeling that made my insides melt. i was in despair, nkthing seemed to matter anymore but someone cared.

"are you okay,"

no

my life is falling apart.

my friend despise me just because i don't socialize with them anymore just because im trying to get things straight at home.

my parents see me as a mistake and hat everything i have done no matter what i do.

my grades are dropping because j can't concentrate on one thing because there are thousands of others on my mind.

im suffering financial bevause my parents stopped giving me my necessities when they realised their child was just a burden.

my only escape was a lighter.

to top that all off, people expect me to walk in with a smile and still look good when im drying on the inside.

"kenz," he whispered, "i love you,"

my breathing hitched. it's been so long since someone had said those words to me. it's been so long since someone had said those words to me.

i love you

"i-i love," i began but paused when my voice broke unintentionally. "you," i ended my voice a hushed tone.

he turned me around but i pushed his hands away. my body lingered at the edge of the bed, i felt his anxious stare dig into my back.

i cuddled my knees to my chest, shoving my face into my knees. i felt slight water drops touch my knees.

"hey, c'mere bubba," he whispered.

his hands wrapped around my body and pulled me towards him. his hands found their way to my torso and flattened my legs. he turned me around and hugged me tightly.

i inhaled harshly, my heartbeat pounding. i was burying cries, my breathing was becoming ragged and unsteady.

he pressed his ear against my ear, "cry baby, let it out,"

still i compressed it in, not wanting to release all my strings at once.

"let it out bubba," he encouraged softly.

the first sob fell out. it was ugly and loud. he flinched, i felt it. tightly he grasped me. he placed his chin on my bare shoulder and rubbed lightly.

i cried. his hands rubbing my back comfortingly. up and down, up and down. he stroked my hair, twirling it in his fingers while i sobbed like i hasn't before.

tears streamed down my cheeks, staining them. my cheeks were a bright pink from the cold and my tears. my eyes were clamped shut and buried in his chest.

fiddlesticks, i was so thankful for him right now.

"john," i hicupoed when I couldn't no longer cry.

(leave me alone idk to spell hicucp,"

"shh," he said, "deep breaths,"

"breathe in," he said softly and i listened, "breathe out,"

my breathing shivered and i let out a soft whimper, feeling vulnerable in this state.

"you okay?" he asked and pushed me away, wiping the stained tears with his thumbs. i avoided his contact, feeling ashamed.

"hey, look at me," he said but i disobeyed and looked at my fingers instead, "look at me," he said more firmly and i looked up.

"im here for you okay?" he said.

i stared into hsi ggeen eyes thinking this was all a schemed. but it wasn't. he was telling the truth.

"okay?" he repeated and i nodded hesitantly, "wanna tell me what's going on?"

adios amigos

part 3 or nah?