Mcsm One Shots

PTSD

My heart is pounding rapidly, my mind is swirling and my hands are trembling.

Someone is walking behind me and I breathe hastily, as I keep my gaze locked on what is in front of me. I want to calm down, I need to calm down.

My heart pounds faster and a cold sweat trickles down my warm neck. My eyes dart from place to place warily.

"You failed them Jesse," An eery voice whispers gently.

I shake my head hastily, clenching my fists. However, my eyebrows knit and a pang makes my stomach clench tightly.

"You really think this is the end for you though huh?"

A distant scoff could be heard.

My eyes widened suddenly as I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Without warning, I collapsed.

Before I hit the ground, the voice spoke gruffly before giggling. Ruby colored irises outlined with a golden color flashed before my vision.

"This is only the beginning... Jesse."

....

....

....

I wake up, my eyes fluttering slowly.

My heart was racing irregularly and I slowly glanced at the clock to my right. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

In bright red letters, was 3:34 blinking rapidly.

I sighed and rubbed my face groggily.

Another night terror...

With a rough toss, I removed the
silky covers off of me. A whoosh of cold air hit me instantly and I swung my legs to the side.

I rubbed my eyes slowly before getting up and hastily making my way to the front door.

I made sure to grab a poofy coat on my way out. The cool breezes had been picking up lately again and the rain tapped harshly against the window.

As I put my large hood over my head, I opened the front door and slowly walked outside.

I sat on the dense porch steps and my heart beat was still pounding against my chest swiftly. My hands were shaky a little as well.

I took slow deep breaths.

"It is ok... you are ok. Everything is fine... no one can h..hurt you," My gentle voice wavered at the end. Doubt crept in the back of my mind.

The rain drizzling softly provided a sense of tranquillity though and it calmed me slightly.

My heartbeat began to pick up slightly. Golden eyes were in my mind. The ruby irises glowed radiantly.

My hands began to tremble uncontrollably and I kept taking deep breaths.

Calm down....

Jesse calm down...

You are OK.

Memories replayed in my mind and it was like even my own mind was against me. The memories would not stop and only proceeded to consist of more vivid detail.

I clenched my teeth and rubbed my arms slowly. My heart was racing irregularly and heat suddenly rushed up to my face.

My thoughts were everywhere, jumping from unique topics quickly. I just wanted to leave. Everything in my body was screaming at me to get up and leave. I felt like something was confining me and an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I stayed put, but frantically my eyes hastily darted from place to place.

A sudden bolt of lightning struck the ground and I jumped swiftly.

You failed them...

My body started to shake as I recalled their faces. Their glistening wide eyes.

I remember how they stood stiffly, frozen in fear. My breathing and heart rate quickened.

"You are fine.... you are safe right now. Safe... safe," I tried to console myself, but my hands only trembled as the memories grew more vivid.

I felt tears well up in my eyes suddenly and the tremor in my hands was uncontrollable.

Thoughts were swirling in my mind.
Its ok.... you are safe now....

It was hard to come to terms with that. It was what I desperately wanted to believe, but my mind and body constantly conveyed otherwise endlessly.

---

Ok ptsd is... interesting.

And I want to turn this into a short story one day, because the effects of ptsd is really... something else that's for sure.

I feel like their should be more awareness of it. PTSD... it's a lot more than just the nightmares... and it really is like your mind is against you in certain situations.

But I want to go more into the depths of ptsd and convey it story wise. Because having it and being able to see other stories about it, tbh stuff seems exaggerated especially the nightmares part. And of course some stuff is a little exaggerated hear, more so in Jesse's night terror.

But anyways... I'll see ya in the next oneshot.

-mcsmfangirl1 <3