Now or Never (An Austin Mahone and Crew Love Story)

Set it Free

By the time we all made it back to the house I was completely exhausted. Everyone else was hyper and upbeat about the performance, but I felt ready to crash. It was only six, so Alex convinced me to hang out with him in the basement for awhile while everyone else went home. Austin headed upstairs because his mom and Scott wanted to talk to him about tomorrow. It was finally the day we were meeting with the record company.  

Alex pulled me next to him and for a while we just sort of cuddled together under a quilt. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. "Talk to me, Liv. I thought we worked this out. You said you loved me." 

I sighed. "I do love you." 

"Do you?" 

I looked up at his face. "Is it ever going to be the same between us anymore? What happened to everything? We... we never really had a real relationship did we?" 

A tear escaped his eye. "No. We never really had anything. We never really had anything. We never had a chance." 

I backed away from him just a little bit. "Do you really trust me?" 

He threw his head back and shook his head. I could slowly feel our relationship falling apart, but overall I was right. We didn't have a relationship other than cute text messages and a couple of kisses. What seemed so magical before seemed to be nothing now. "Do you really care about me as much as you say you do?" 

He nodded at that. "I care about you so much, but it doesn't seem like it's working out. I want it to, but ... there's too much standing between me and you. I just..." 

I didn't want to break up with him, but I didn't want to stay with him if he didn't trust me. "I just want the best for you Olivia, and I'm starting to think I don't know what that is." 

"So what do you think we should do?" 

He stared me down. "I don't know, but I can't break up with you. Should we just... I don't know." 

"Let's just face it Alex. I really really like you, but this isn't getting us anywhere. All of the girls online are right. I'm just not good enough for you. I know I'm not ugly or worthless, and I know that I'm talented now, but I'm not good enough for you. We're only wasting our time and energy being together. You need someone different than me." 

Alex shook his head again. "I can't break up with you." 

"Alex, I love you. I finally said it, but I don't think I love you like you're my boyfriend. You'll always be my first kiss and all of that, but I don't think I'm the right girl for you. Besides. If I, of all people, can learn to trust you, then you should be able to find a way to trust me. Back when my dad still talked to me he always said the same thing, and I know it's cheesy, but it's true. He told me that if I love something I should set it free, because if it comes back, then it's mine to keep. I'm setting you free and I know you'll come back. The question is how. I can't date you. At least not now." 

Feeling stronger than I had in weeks, I stood up and faced him. "I don't want to be set free," Alex said.  

I had to fight back the tons of guilt that were starting to eat at me. "I have to set myself free for a little while. Those girls are... well, you already know."  

"Just kiss me again and tell me you want to leave, and I'll let you." 

"It's not about what I feel when I kiss you, because I already know. I'll never forget either. This is about trust. I want someone who trusts me, and you can't right now. If you really love me you'll set me free." 

"Olivia!" 

"Alex I don't think you truly understand. All of this is hurting me so much. I've never cried so often in my life. I came here to chase my dream and you're all getting me sidetracked. If you really love me you'll accept it." 

Tears were falling from his eyes at such a high rate I didn't think it was even possible. I felt so bad because I knew I was the one that caused them. "I'm so sorry Alex, but sometimes I just have to think about myself," I said. "Somewhere deep down you know this is right." 

He stood up and hugged me tightly, burying his face in my hair. When he finally let go he whispered, "You're free," and I walked up the stairs without looking back. 

Austin was still in the kitchen with Scott and his mom when I went to grab myself a soda from the fridge. They all glanced at me. I stayed by the counter as they continued their conversation about Austin's career path until Alex came up to say goodbye. His dad was there to pick him up. When the door clicked shut everyone in the room turned to me. 

"What happened between you two?" Mama Mahone asked me. 

I looked down at the floor. "I broke up with him." 

I can't explain the mix of accomplishment and guilt I felt when I said that. I'd just lost my first boyfriend.  

Scott made a face and stood up. "I think that pretty much wraps it up for tonight. I'm going to head out. Wear something pretty tomorrow, Olivia. I want it to be girlie this time." 

He walked out. Austin announced he was going to take a shower and kissed my forehead on his way past me. I stayed with my back against the counter for awhile. "Do you want to talk about it?" Mama Mahone asked me.  

I shook my head. "No, but thanks. I'm good for now." 

I walked upstairs and dug through my closet. I needed to find just the right outfit for tomorrow. I was meeting the people at a record company with Austin. Who knows how big of a part I was going to have in that? It came down to my favorite sundress or the new skirt Dillon and Larry sent me a few days before that. I heard Austin start playing his guitar across the hall and took both things over to him. "Which one looks good for tomorrow?" 

He looked between the two. "Which one makes you feel the most beautiful?" 

I looked between them and wondered, because I wasn't sure. I sighed and sat them on the bed. "I bet he told you all about it didn't he?" 

Austin knew I was talking about Alex without me even saying his name. "No. He actually hasn't said a word to me." We were both quiet for a second. "Why?" he asked. 

I shrugged. "I felt like he was sort of holding me back. If you love somebody, set them free." 

He looked into my eyes. "You have the mind of a writer, Olivia."  

I picked up my clothes and backed up to the door. "Am I being stupid?" 

Austin shrugged this time. "Only you know what is best for you." 

I went back to my room and got on Twitter. I checked Alex's page. He hadn't posted anything all day. "I'm standing in front of you, looking you in the eyes, and for the first time in my life I'm not afraid to let you go <3" I typed into the post box and hit send. It wasn't announcing our break up, but it wasn't keeping it a secret exactly. That could have meant anything.  

I put on my pj's and turned out the light. I sat upright on my bed and listened to Austin practice guitar in the next room. I thought about my day. How I got lost and how Drew saved me were the first things to come to mind. Then I remembered my first fight with Alex and how Scott had to calm me down afterwards. I remembered thinking about my first kiss and finally broke down with the fact that maybe I made a mistake. Tears started falling from my eyes and I officially decided I didn't want to be alone right then. 

I wandered back into Austin's room where he was tilted back in an office chair playing his guitar in his pajamas. He smiled when he saw me. "Hey. Want to sing with me?" 

I nodded and he moved to his bed so we could both sit together. He asked me what my favorite songs that he sings were and we sang them together. He asked me to try and harmonize, so I did, and all of my tears stopped. The music embraced me and I forgot why I was so stressed out in the first place.