The Novak Dolls

ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Everyone screamed. Like major, blood curdling screams. A couple windows broke from the collective sound. Balthazar and Anna teleported home, summoned by the cry, and everyone gathered by the shattered door to do their best impression of a combination fangirl freakout meets one of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man from the car dealerships. 

"HE FINALLY DID IT!" Gabriel screamed. "WE'VE ONLY BEEN WAITING CENTURIES." Michael tried not to cry. 

"I knew the second she hit him with a rock they'd be together forever," He insisted. Chuck actually started crying, and Sam wordlessly handed him tissues.

Satan set Chloe on the ground and Hannah immediately started hugging her. 

"YOU'RE STUCK WITH US NOW!" Hannah cackled. 

"You need a wedding dress," Balthazar started. "OH MY GOD CAN I MAKE YOUR WEDDING DRESS- I'M MAKING YOUR WEDDING DRESS WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FABRIC SWATCHES-"

"What about the RIIIINNNNGGGG?" Anna begged. Chloe held out her hand and Anna immediately gasped. "RUBIES, LUCIFER, SERIOUSLY? THIS GIRL DESERVES DIAMONDS!" Satan shrugged.

"She likes rubies," He mumbled.

"I think it's perfect," Chloe grinned. Cas flailed.

"DEAN CATCH ME," He insisted. "I'M GONNA FAINT FROM TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT."

"And here I thought you were the least dramatic out of your siblings-" Dean started. Cas fell back. "Oh shit-" He lunged forward to catch him and Cas shrieked.

"Congratulations!" Lydia said. "Does this mean Hell will be adding a second chair to the throne?" Chloe scoffed.

"Oh please, my chair's been there for years," She insisted. "But we'll have to tell the Satanists, right Luci?" Lucifer stared at her, a wide, stupid grin on his face.

"Okay," He squeaked, looking way too adorable and happy to possibly be the King of Hell. Chuck pushed his way through the small crowd and hugged Chloe, still half crying.

"I HAVE ANOTHER DAUGHTER!" He screeched. "AMARA'S GONNA KILL ME BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT, I'M SO HAPPY." Chloe laughed and hugged him back.

"WAIT THIS MEANS CHLOE WILL LEGALLY BE APART OF THE FAMILY," Anna realized. 

"Good for Lucifer!" Balthazar insisted. "Now no one can testify against him in court!"

"Wait if you're getting married," Dean said. "Then who becomes president of the Adopted Novaks club?" Chloe shrugged.

"By seniority, the title goes to you." She said. Dean grinned.

"Deal but I demand the crown."

"NEVER."

"I WANT THE CROWN, QUEEN OF HELL-" Hannah gasped.

"This means we have to find someone new to nag about getting married!" She yelled, whipping around to scan her siblings. Gabriel screamed and ducked behind Sam to avoid her gaze. "Michaaaeeeellll?"

"Nope," He shot down. "The only reason I'd get married is for the tax benefits."

"There aren't many," Lydia said.

"Then nope, not happening."

"Excellent plan." Hannah rolled her eyes and then looked at Castiel.

"Oh no," Cas whispered.

"What?" Dean asked.

"We're next."

"WHAT." Hannah pointed at them.

"YOU TWO HAVE TO GET MARRIED!!!" She screeched. 

"WE'RE NOT EVEN EIGHTEEN YET." Cas reminded her.

"You can get married with your parents permission! DAD GIVE CAS PERMISSION!" Chuck shrugged.

"Fine by me, the more weddings the better."

"YES."

"NO." Dean and Cas yelled. Lucifer started laughing.

"Welcome to my hell, little brother!" He said. "You'll be suffering the nagging for years to come!" Cas dropped to his knees.

"NOOOOOOOOOO-" Chuck wiped at his eyes.

"I can't believe my baby's getting married-" He started.

"Dad I'm in my twenties," Lucifer said.

"I have to call Amara! Can I call Amara or do you want to tell her? Oh my me, We have to call EVERYONE!!!" 

"We can call her!" Chloe offered. She and Lucifer ran to the phone as the freak out session died away. Dean and Cas sunk into the couch as Hannah started nagging them, Balthazar ran to find his fabric swatches, Lydia, Michael, and Anna started arguing over wedding ring gems, and Gabriel started braiding Sam's hair.

"you're WHAT!!!!" Amara's screech from the phone was heard across the room, and she wasn't even on speaker. 

"We're engaged!" Lucifer repeated, rubbing at his ear.

"....Satan I need you to promise me something," Amara said seriously.

"Okay?"

"You must have LESS THAN FIVE KIDS." Chuck facepalmed and Lucifer started laughing.

"We'll see," Chloe offered.

"No, no, no," Amara went on. "That wasn't a suggestion. That was an order. I will sterilize both of you at five."

"And what if we have no kids?" Lucifer asked. Amara screeched.

"CAN YOU?? PLEASE??? THAT WOULD BE THE GREATEST NEWS I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!"

"Hey!" Chuck cried, offended.

"Is that my brother? SHUT UP CHUCK, IF NONE OF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE KIDS, I'LL DIE IN PEACE INSTEAD OF STRESS."

"You're not gonna die in peace," Lucifer said.

"I CAN DREAM, SATAN."

****

Several phone calls later things had calmed back down, and Chuck wandered back into the living room, where Dean, Cas, Sam and Gabriel had resumed their movie marathon. 

"I see you guys have gotten far," He said. They shrugged.

"John Cusack demanded our attention," Gabriel insisted. "We couldn't say no."

"Do you think Lucifer and Chloe will get married soon?" Cas asked. "Or do you think they'll have a long engagement?"

"I bet sooner rather than later," Chuck insisted. "Going slow in relationships doesn't exactly run in the family. I mean look at how fast you all start dating."

"No regrets!" Gabriel declared.

"I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat," Cas agreed. The Winchesters nodded their agreement and Chuck shook his head.

"And to think," He said. "All of that started because I named those stupid G.I. Joes Sam and Dean Winchester." Cas and Gabriel froze dead and Sam and Dean frowned.

"You did what?" Dean asked. Chuck took in the confusion, the utter terror on his sons' faces, and then it hit him that Sam and Dean had never been told.

"Oh fuck."