The Novak Dolls

Church

It was early on Sunday morning, but since Chuck had actually gotten a decent night's sleep for the first time in-

....Well, probably the first time since before Gabriel was born, he decided to do something he'd been meaning to do for awhile.

All of his children were named after angels, after all. Why shouldn't he bring them to church? 

His children, of course, disagreed with this plan. Really, they disagreed with any plan that meant they had to wake up earlier then they wanted to.

"Come on boys!" He declared, banging two pots together. "Time to wake up!" Michael let out a groan and buried his head under his pillow. Lucifer dramatically flopped an arm over his face.

"For the love of the nine circles of hell, LET US SLEEP," He barked. Balthazar mumbled a few curses of agreement and rolled over.

So he had no luck with the older boys.

Castiel, the good child, was up and mostly ready by the time Chuck got to his and Gabriel's room. Granted, Cassie was only four, so he had his shirt on backwards and his shoes were untied, but he was awake, so it was more progress than the rest of his siblings.

Gabriel was on the floor, fast asleep, and drooling slightly. The pots and pans Chuck clanged together did nothing to even stir him.

He had been more careful when entering the girls' room because Hannah was a nightmare when she was woken up, and while he wanted the kids awake, he wanted to put off having a screaming toddler for as long as he could, so he carefully woke Anna up, only for the girl to rise with a murderous glare, and threaten him colorfully in a way he knew she must have learned from Amara and no one else. 

One painful hour later, the kids were awake. Balthazar had stolen his father's coffee and was chugging it like water, but they were awake and in the car and ready to go to church. And because Chuck knew his children, there was still an hour before the service actually started.

Amara didn't come with them. To Chuck's knowledge, his sister had never been in a church. Amara disagreed. She said she had gone once and only once- to pray for her stupid brother when she found out he was going to be raising seven kids by himself. He had needed all the help he could get.

Getting all seven kids into the church had been the easy part. Getting them all to sit still, behave, and be quiet for an entire church service? Now that.... That was impossible.

The problems started the second they walked inside.

Lucifer started walking strangely, bouncing on his feet and whimpering, like he had to go to bathroom and was walking on hot coals at the same time. He tugged on Chuck's sleeve, looking very unhappy.

"What is it, Luci?" He asked, trying to look at his eldest son while practically juggling a sleeping Hannah and Gabriel in his arms.

"I don't like it here," Lucifer whispered loudly. 

"Well we're staying."

"But the floor is burning my feet!" He hopped and kept bouncing on his feet, as if to prove the point. The floor was made of cold, unforgiving concrete. It would never be warm. Chuck made a face.

"It is not, now stop pretending and go sit with Michael." Michael, his other calm son, was sitting in one of the pews with Castiel and Anna, trying to get them to stop fighting over the Dean Winchester GI Joe (Castiel had insisted on bringing it, as he did everywhere).

Lucifer whimpered again, but went over the pew and sat down. The moment he did, the large cross at the front of the church flipped upside down. Chuck didn't notice, but several people in the church started crossing themselves and whispering worriedly. 

Chuck turned toward the pew, doing a mental headcount for the sixth time that day. Gabriel and Hannah were still in his arms, asleep, Cas, Michael, Luci, and Anna were in the pew. That was one, two, three, four, five, six.....

Seven. He was supposed to have seven.

He set Gabe and Hannah down and scanned the church, already concerned, only to find Balthazar at a small altar near the front of the room. The altar where they kept the communion wine and wafers, to be exact, and his son was already popping open a bottle of wine and preparing to chug from it.

Chuck made a mental note to really get his seven year old's drinking problem under control, and then darted across the room to snatch the bottle out of Balthazar's hands.

"But it tastes good!" Balthazar insisted, reaching for the bottle. 

"NO." Chuck half dragged him back to the others and let out a long suffering sigh.

Two seconds. He had left them alone for two. Fucking. Seconds.

Michael was standing on the top of the pew with a bible, reciting verses although he didn't understand the words. Lucifer was covering his ears and screeching like the verses were burning him alive, Hannah was crying, Gabriel was three pews down putting gum in some unsuspecting woman's hair, Anna was on the floor in the middle of the aisle with Cas on top of her screaming about Dean Winchester and pulling at her hair.

The rest of the church stared at Chuck, some of them annoyed or furious, but most of them just looked at him with downright pity.

He managed to pull Cas and Anna apart, putting them on opposite sides of the pew. He took the Bible from Michael and Lucifer stopped screaming. He put them next to each other next to Anna. Balthazar went next to Cassie, Hannah went next to Michael, and Gabriel-

Gabriel was currently being walked over by a kind looking woman that had no idea what she was getting herself into.

"I found him trying to put jello mix in the holy water," She explained. "It looks like you could use some help." Chuck practically fell to his knees. There was a god.

"Yes, please," He begged, tugging Gabriel into the pew and sitting him next to Anna. The woman laughed.

"Well, little miracles can sometimes be a handful," She offered. "I'm Duma."

"Chuck," He offered. "And these are my children."

"Hi!" Cas waved happily. "I'm Castiel."

"He's the good one," Chuck explained. "And that's Gabriel, Michael, Anna, Hannah, Balthazar-"

"Oh, little angels, all of them!" Duma exclaimed, thrilled at the name choices. The Bible Michael had been reading from lay discarded on the floor, and she picked it up happily and offered it to Lucifer. "I think you dropped this, dear. And what was your name?"

Satan grabbed the book and looked up at her innocently.

"I'm Lucifer."

The bible burst into flames. 

The Novaks did not return to church after that.