The Novak Dolls

Sir Willem Tennant Dickens the 17th

Stupidly early the next day Lucifer barged into Michael's room and threw a pillow at him to wake him up.

"Asshole," Michael muttered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"SO?" Lucifer demanded.

"So what?" Michael frowned, looking over at his brother. "And why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"SO, What happened with Lydia?? And that's not important."

"I beg to differ, people should wear shirts-" Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"My shirt is occupied."

"Occupied."

"Yes."

"....Let me guess, Chloe is asleep downstairs in your shirt." Lucifer paused for a moment and then nodded.

"She likes my shirts, who am I to say no?" He mumbled.

"Don't you have an ENTIRE DRAWER full of shirts-"

"Oh my god WHY ARE YOU SO HUNG UP ON THIS-"

"Because I wanted you to admit that Chloe stayed over because you act all embarrassed and dopey when she stays over and it's not everyday you get the chance to unnerve Satan."

"Yes, my girlfriend slept in my bed last night, how positively SCANDALOUS, NOW QUIT AVOIDING MY QUESTION DUMBASS." Michael sighed.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. All I know about Lydia is that she likes sinful tic tacs. Enlighten me. Did you get a date with her, her phone number, does she hate you, COME ON, DETAILS!" Michael thought back to last night and a slow smile spread over his face. "Now who looks dopey?"

"Shuddup."

"Go on."

"She's in my grade, she's from Topeka, she's studying Physical therapy-"

"BORING, give me the good stuff, Mikey, you're KILLING ME-"

"Didn't realize Satan was such a fanboy."

"Am not!"

"Then why are you SO DETERMINED to know all the gritty details of my conversation with Lydia?"

"Because you've never dated anyone ever or even been interested! This is historic, Mikey, and for once I'm the first sibling to know about a relationship!"

"It's not a relationship."

"YET!"

"No, Luci, you're missing the best part about her!"

"Then tell me!"

"She doesn't like people!" Lucifer stared at him for a moment.

"Who does?" He asked.

"No, I mean," Michael sighed. "She's not interested in people romantically, guys OR girls. She's like me."

"Sooo you're perfect for each other."

"I wouldn't say THAT-" 

"Oh hells, I can't WAIT for the wedding-"

"What part of not romantically interested are you failing to understand?"

"What, you can't marry your best friend?"

"I don't really want to."

"It's like the BUDDY SYSTEM!"

"Oh god, here we go-"

"You have to stay with your buddy at all times, and hold your buddy's hand so neither of you get lost. So instead of getting married with a ring and all that jazz, you can just grab Lydia and yell HOLD MY HAND LOSER, WE'RE DOING THE BUDDY SYSTEM FOR LIFE!"