The Emperor's Concubine

Chapter Forty-Three

"Are you hurt anywhere, my lady?" Lance asks, examining me.
"I'm fine... Where's Hayden? Where's Cethin, Eli, and Petunia?" My eyes water as I sit shocked.
"The assassins are being treated in the parlour at the moment. They'll be brought to their rooms after the healers help them." Lance wipes my hands with a wet towel.
"But Hayden... He was covered in blood, he was badly injured, wasn't he?..." Tears drip down my cheeks as I look back at Lance.
I hold Lance's hand as I cry harder.
"Please take me to him... H-He could die, and it'll be because of me. Lance, please let me see him..." I stammer, feeling my heart drop as I think about the vivid image of blood.
Lance looks back at me pained, shaking his head.
"I cannot do that, my lady. He said not to let anyone see him."
"What did Cabel say? Please ask Cabel, I need to make sure he's okay." My head pounds as I cry harder, feeling my chest ache.
"His highness is out... He left for meetings, he won't be back for a few days."
"Then please, let me see Hayden! I want to see him, please!"
"Lady Luna, I understand the worries you're going through, but Sir Hayden is in pain. His wishes were to be alone, the healer is the only one allowed in his room. I can promise you he'll be fine, he just needs rest for now." Lance sternly looks at me, wiping away my tears with a handkerchief.
"I-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." I cry, covering my face with my hands.

Days go by as I'm left alone in the palace.
I visit Cethin, Eli, and Petunia who all grow better each day I visit, but my heart aches as I stay alone.

"Cabel... Please come back." I whisper, feeling the loneliness grow stronger each day.

I sit in the library, unable to focus on my book. I stare out the window wanting to cry as I look out at the beautiful sunny weather.
Eating alone in the dining room, all I can do is sigh as I look to Cabel's empty seat across the table.
I stand, unable to eat.
"My lady, are you not hungry?" Lance asks as he watches me stand.
"No... I'd like to just cool my head for now."
"My lady, you shouldn't leave the palace right now, the gardens are still a mess and being repaired."
"Okay... I'll be in my room then, thank you for dinner." I smile lightly, feeling empty and anxious.

I leave the dining room, passing maids and butlers who are all busy, attempting to help clean up the palace.
I stare out the hallway windows at the stars, my eyes watering as I walk down the hallway, absent minded.
Deep in thought, I place my hands on a door handle as I enter the room.
I look in confused.
"Why did I come here?" I whisper to myself.
I sigh as I look at Cabel's office.
Stepping inside, the office grows more empty and cold.
"I really miss you, Cabel..." I whisper, my eyes watering as I stare at his desk.
Feeling stuffy, I step outside on the office balcony, leaning on the railing.
I look up to see the moon shining brightly, illuminating the balcony.

"Luna?" A voice calls out from behind.
I turn around at the familiar voice.
"H-Hayden?" I call out, tears fall from my eyes as I see him wince in pain as he walks out.
"Y-You shouldn't be up! Please go back and rest!" I cry, quickly running to him as I support him to stand.
He looks down at me and smiles slightly.
"Were you worried about me?" He pets my head gently.
"Of course! I didn't know if you were going to die! No one would tell me how you were doing, and it made me worry more! I was so scared about you dying!" I cry harder, looking back at him.
He makes a pained face, flinching.
"Are you okay?" I call out, holding him as he grips his chest.
"I'm fine... Are you okay?" He asks.
"Of course I am... You saved me, but I would rather get hurt, than have you be injured like this!" I wipe my eyes, noticing his eyebrow twitch slightly.
"Luna... I need to tell you, I've been lying to you... Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Hayden looks down at me, his eyes filled with melancholy.
I shake my head, confused.
"I don't care what you lied to me about! You're injured, you can tell me later when you're better!"
"I can't... I have no time to leave... I'm sorry." Hayden begins breathing heavily in pain.
He quickly leans against me, embracing me in a tight hug.
I try to step back, confused with his affection. Seconds pass, his breathing calms down with his tense body relaxing as he hugs me.
"Hayden? What's going on? I don't understand."
"I'm sorry..." His voice whispers, yet the tone changes to the voice of the man I've been missing.
Hayden gently lets go of me, stepping back.
I stare confused as I look up to the man I've longed to see.
"C-Cabel?" I call out, stepping away from him, "W-What just happened?"
"It's a long story- Ugh." Cabel grips his chest, fighting the pain.
"You- But Hayden was just... I don't understand..."
"I wanted to tell you... I wanted to tell you from the moment I felt feelings for you."
"What?"
I stare at Cabel, attempting to wrap my brain around the situation.
"Hayden never existed... My powers, they let me manipulate shadows however I want. For some reason, they also allowed me to create a disguise... When you first met Hayden, that was on a night I was working. I took a break and ran into you. I hadn't thought much about our encounter, but you captivated me as Hayden... Once I knew you as myself, as Cabel, you made me experience strange emotions, you made me question how it's possible to love anything as much as I love you."
"Wait, what? You?..." I trail off unable to continue.
I look back at Cabel who thinks to himself and nods slightly.
"It became difficult to tell you once I realized you were close with Hayden... It became difficult to tell you once I realized you might like Hayden... I couldn't break your heart like that. I wanted to be honest and tell you myself at the right time, but I can't hide as him forever when my mana's so weak right now..."
"I-I don't know what to say... I cared about you, I-I cared about Hayden."
"I'm still Hayden who you care for. I'm still Cabel who you care for. Does it matter when I care for you as you are, regardless of who I am?" Cabel gently clasps my hands in his, his earnest words and expression calling out to me.
"Y-You're still you, but you lied. I-I told Hayden personal things, I felt like I could confide in him-" My eyes well up as I try to process everything.
"I'm still him. Hayden is me. I was the one you confided in, and you still grew close to the me who's standing here. Why does it matter who you confided to when you trusted me? Not for my looks, not for my status, you trusted who I was as a person, no matter how I looked."
"B-Because I don't know!" I rip my hands out of his grasp, "I shouldn't be so upset but you lied to me! You're still the Cabel I knew, but it's just confusing to find out Hayden, someone I was so happy to be friends with, was never real."
"Did you love him?..." Cabel pauses as he stares at me.
"What?..."
"Did you love him? From what I'm hearing is you're disappointed Hayden was me all along."
"What? I didn't say that-"
"I think I might have loved you when we first talked at the ball, I loved you whenever I'd bring you gifts of desserts to the library as Hayden, I loved you when you sat across from me having tea... I loved every moment of you, and it killed me knowing Hayden and you were closer than I could ever get to you. It killed me knowing 'maybe she loves Hayden'. It got more difficult to tell you the truth incase it was true... I understand. You can't respond to me the same." Cabel smiles sadly, blankly staring down at me.
He looks up at the night sky, the moon illuminating his expression before quickly turning to leave the balcony.
"C-Cabel, wait! It's not like that!" I attempt to chase after him.
The balcony doors slam closed.
I try opening the door, until I see his shadow gripping the door knob tightly, preventing me from chasing after him.
I bang on the door, trying to get his attention.
"C-Cabel, wait! Please!" I cry out, panicked as I watch his back grow further.
Tears fall down my cheeks as I watch him leave the office without a glance back.
I sob, my knees growing weak as I fall to the ground. I watch him slam the office doors behind him, leaving me behind.