The Emperor's Concubine

B.2 Chapter Ten

"C-Cethin! Hey!" I shout as he drags me behind him.
Cethin keeps quiet as he brings me far from the training fields.
"Cethin, stop! Why are you acting this way?" I rip my hand away from his, losing my patience.
He turns around to stare at me, furrowing his brows.
"You can't do shit like that!" He shouts.
I stare dumbfounded at his outburst.
"Me? Cethin, you dragged me off without saying anything, and you want to be mad at me?" I look back at his furious eyes.
"Luna, you just left without letting me say anything!"
I scoff, shaking my head.
"Cethin, I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"I do! You really think I'm that shallow to hate you, for causing something that was my fault?"
"I get why you're upset, but it doesn't matter if you think it wasn't my fault. I will always have it over my head, that I was the one at fault!"
"But you weren't at fault!"
"Then answer me, would you still say that to me, if I didn't have these powers?"
Cethin turns quiet again.
I stare back at his face as he furrows his brows.
He thinks to himself, opening his mouth, yet unable to speak.
"Answer me." I sternly speak.
"I-I don't know! Honestly, I wouldn't be upset with you cause to think it's your fault, is something I could never do!"
"How do you even know that?"
"Luna, if I went blind, I wouldn't blame you. You asked me to read his soul, I could easily not have listened to you, but I did it because I decided to. It was my own choice to do it. Just cause you asked me to, has nothing to do with the outcome, when I was the one who decided to do it. You're my friend, I wouldn't be shallow to hate or blame you for my own actions."
I sigh, holding my forehead.
"Luna, you need to listen to me when I say, I would never blame you for my own actions. Honestly, if you had these powers and didn't heal me, then I'd have a bone to pick."
"Cethin-"
"You have those powers now, so why are you focusing on 'what if's'? You have the power to heal me, you healed me and I'm fine. I don't care about the trauma, you still helped me."
My eyes widen surprised as he looks back at me.
"You can't focus on a situation that never happened, you need to focus on the present, so can you let go of this guilt you're feeling? Why do you want to be at fault for everything?" Cethin's eyes fill with tears as he grows frustrated.
"I... I'm sorry. You're right..." My eyes tear up as well as I realize how I've acted, "Cethin, I'm sorry. I-I keep feeling a heavy burden over me. Every life that's been effected because of me, everyone hurt because I'm here, it fills me with guilt. I've been feeling like this for a while, and I can't shake the sense that, maybe I'm just bringing chaos and pain to everyone. When I heard you got hurt, all I could think about is if I wasn't here with Cabel, if I wasn't his fiancée, no one would be hurt because of me. I was ignorant thinking it'd be okay, but so many people around me are getting hurt, and they could lose their lives."
"Luna... It's not good to be ignorant, but sometimes ignorance is okay. You're feeling guilty for being ignorant and that's good enough I like to think. You can't be forgiven or take responsibility for everything. His highness killed people for you, we killed people for you, but it was our choice to do it. I can't say your guilt will disappear, but what I can say is that I hope you let go of the guilt you feel for me. I don't care that I got hurt, I don't blame you in the slightest. So I'm asking you to please let go of this."
"I... I know... It just gets difficult when it seems like I'm just doing nothing but hurting everyone. I don't regret being with Cabel, but it feels like I never should have been here."
"Then you can share your guilt. It can't go away, so you can share it with others. I was at fault for getting myself hurt. I was at fault for people dying. I'm telling you this because I know I would do anything for the people who matter to me, but if it means sacrificing my own happiness, I can't. You can't sacrifice your happiness for others either, especially if it feels like it's your fault because you're with his highness." Cethin wipes his eyes, scoffing as he calms down.
"I know... It's just hard when you live a life of danger, and it just killed me knowing that because I asked you, you got injured. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness, but it's hard not to consider it." I wipe my eyes, opening up to him.
"Luna... My life is never going to be safe but being here and protecting you, makes me more safe than if I was still out there. I know you feel bad because you asked or 'suggested' it, but you're my friend. I would die before I let anything harm you. If I got hurt protecting you, it wouldn't be your fault, just like how you asking me to do this for you wasn't your fault. You're my friend, and you need to know that I don't care if I get hurt helping you."
"If you're talking about friendship then you need to know, I'd protect you too. I just don't want you to die, it was scary thinking that I could have lost you."
"I know. It's scary thinking about losing you too."
"I'm sorry. A lot of things kept coming to my mind and I took it out on you without thinking... It just killed me to think I was at fault."
"You aren't at fault. It's okay." Cethin hugs me as he pats my head.
My tears drip down my face, as we hug each other. The heavy burden slowly fading, but still leaving it's bitter traces.

My bedroom doors knock.
"Come in." I call out.
Cethin and I sit on my sofas, reading books.
Lance opens the door, entering with a teacart of tea and snacks.
"My lady, his highness has gone to meet with his grace as well as his lord." Lance speaks with a distressed expression.
"Is something wrong?" I ask, taking the teacup from him.
"There was an incident. There was a slaughter down at the lapis mines. it's concerning because we have no way of knowing if anyone's still alive..."
"What? H-How did this happen? Will there be a rescue team sent?"
"Yes, doctors and knights are all leaving tonight in order to get there quickly."
"I see... Will Cabel be going too then?"
"No, he's decided in order to keep you safe, he'll stay. The threat is still a priority and we can't leave you helpless as there'll be less knights around. His highness being here with you, ensures your safety more so than if you were left with only knights."
"Ahem!"
We turn to Cethin as he dramatically coughs.
"Did he forget we exist? We'd do a great job protecting her too. " Cethin rolls his eyes, grinning arrogantly.
"He has not forgotten, but the lapis mine incident is not a high priority to his highness, when the future empress is under threat." Lance smiles reassuringly at me as he serves cakes.
"What a loving fiancé you have." Cethin snickers, taking a bite of his cake.
"Oh, right. My lady, his highness has called for jewellers as well as designers, to allow you to pick a gift you'd like." Lance hands me catalogues of gowns and jewelry.
I stare confused.
"For what?" I ask.
"My lady, your birthday's on the 208th day, isn't it?"
"Oh how did you know?"
"His highness knew. He told me to order whatever gifts you'd like."
"Gifts? I really don't need anything though."
"I see, well it wouldn't cause harm to browse. If you do see something that interests you, please don't hesitate to order it."
"I understand, thank you Lance." I nod, placing the catalogues on the table.
Lance bows, leaving the room.
"Wow, he really is doting. How'd he know your birthday?" Cethin asks.
"I have no idea actually. I'm a tad surprised he found out."
"Eh, well pick a gift, I'll get you something too."
I shake my head, giggling slightly.
"I really don't need a gift, I have everything I need already."
"Boo, that's no fun."
Cethin and I banter as we read through the catalogues together, enjoying our afternoon tea.
The unsettling feeling still lingering, I do my best to ignore it as I spend time with Cethin.