Behind The Front | Yoonkook

Chapter 37

Jungkook POV

My heart shatters as the words leave my lips, just barely catching a glimpse of the older boy crumpling to the ground in his doorway before I'm dragged around the corner.

I've never felt so terrible before. I've never felt heartbreak like this, feeling utterly defeated as I let my parents drag me to their car and shoving me in the backseat. I can't bring myself to acknowledge the sound of their voices as they begin speaking to me whilst beginning to drive. The pain in my chest spreads throughout my entire body the longer I simply sit here, physically feeling myself getting father and farther from the one place that I know I belong.

The one place that I will no longer ever be welcome to after what I've just done.

Or rather lack there of having done.

I can't imagine how much I've just hurt him. Hurt the one boy that I've come to love so urgently that I struggle making it through my day sometimes just to get to the bookstore to see Yoongi and help him.

And I just left him. I wish I hadn't seen him crumble, watched him crumble to the floor like a smashed up ball of paper, collapsing so effortlessly to the floor.

I know it's an image that I'll never be able to erase from my mind, one that'll haunt me for the eternity.

I soon notice us driving out of the city, and my heart sinks a bit, knowing what's happening. Knowing what my parents are doing. They were serious when they said they never wanted to see me anywhere near Yoongi again. They're always serious in everything that they say, but they're actually taking it into their own hands so that I won't be able to see him ever again.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've completely lost. I feel lost.

I've never wanted someone as much as I wanted Yoongi. As much as I want Yoongi. I've never felt so at home with someone, so safe in someone's arms as I do when in his, when with him. And I've gone and just ruined everything.

I hurt him, broke his heart. I left him, didn't fight for him even though he was fighting for me. I don't even have Jin hyung to turn to, he was so pissed and hated me so much when I'd told him that I was with Yoongi.

Though, I guess at this point, I can't blame him. I guess he was really more right than what I wanted him to be. I knew I didn't deserve Yoongi, I haven't from the very first moment my eyes landed on him and his tattoos and piercings. I wanted so bad to make up for that though. Wanted so badly to be able to still have him and call him mine anyways. I wanted so desperately to make him happy enough to prove Jin hyung that I could still care for his best friend.

And yet, after everything, I still failed. I let him down. I let Jin down and more importantly, I let Yoongi down.

I've never felt so lost and like such a failure before.

I want so badly to get him back. To get Yoongi back and get back to him and be able to call him mine again. I don't know how the hell to do it though.

I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to leave him. I was just so fucking afraid of what my parents would try to do to him though. They've got enough money to destroy any single person they so wish to, and I desperately didn't want to do that to Yoongi. I didn't want to put him at that risk.

Sighing softly to myself in frustration, I run my hands over my face a few times roughly.

Maybe I can call him. Maybe I can try to explain, see if he'll let me explain why I didn't fight for him and apologize. God, I don't think there's enough time in the universe for me to apologize as much as what Yoongi deserves, but I'm desperately hoping that I can gather enough courage to try calling him soon. That I'll be able to find the time and that he'll hear me out. Let me explain everything and let me try to fix the major fuck up I've done.