Behind The Front | Yoonkook

Chapter 11

Jungkook POV

When I reach the coffeeshop that Jimin works at to meet with Jimin and Jin hyung, neither one looks overly excited to see me. I don't really know how to feel about it, but I try not to think too much about it.

Thanks to Yoongi calling me out more than he realized, all I could really seem to do yesterday was think. Think about how right he'd been, and how much it had hurt to be called out so rudely like that in front of the only friends I've ever been able to make here.

When I reach the two of them, they don't even greet me. Instead, they simply shake their heads at me before we begin walking towards campus. It makes my heart heavier than it already had been. I merely end up walking behind them today, rather than beside them like always. They don't even say anything about it, letting me hang back silently while the two of them talk about whatever the hell it is they're going on about.

I just purse my lips and stay silent though, lagging behind them as we go, my mind filled with thoughts that aren't necessarily the prettiest.

I know he was right. I know Yoongi was right in what he said about me. I've always been that way, ever since I was little. I've always been a pristine little rich kid. My parents never let me play and get dirty outside, I was too good to ruin my image like that. I was even homeschooled up until senior year, just so that I could learn how to be around those below us when I went to the best business school all of Korea had. They tightly monitored what I wore, what I listened to, what shows I could watch. No friend I tried to make in senior year was ever good enough either. Every single person, they were all 'below' us.

I wasn't allowed to date either, but that was never as big of an issue for me. With having to be the picture perfect son and image for the company and for my parents, I was never dumb enough to ever think about coming out to my parents that I was never interested in girls anyways. Hell, if I couldn't tell them that I hated the business world and that I didn't like the music they made me listen to, how would I ever be able to tell them that I only have an interest in guys?

I never meant to turn out so cold and bitter about the world. I never meant to start naturally judging people based off appearances. I even judged Jin and Jimin when I first found out about their majors, my parents always having said that any major that wasn't science or business related was merely a useless degree. It took effort for me to push past that with the two of them, having already became friends with them before finding out their majors.

I never meant to turn out this way. And he was right. I never really even realized I had. I never realized just how much I've been becoming like my parents until he called me out Saturday night in front of everyone. In front of my best friends.

I... I don't even know how to feel about all of it honestly.

All I really know is, I hate it.

I hate that I've been becoming my parents without even realizing it. I never wanted this.

I never wanted to become like them. Ever since I was little. I was always so alone and lonely growing up. Life was always so damn cold, and I guess I just got used to it. I got used to the feeling of never really having many friends. I got used to keeping it all in.

I always thought about rebelling when I was younger. Sneaking out of the house to try and go find some fucking druggie to help me unwind. Go to a strip club, fucking something to make me feel more real and alive than just feeling like a damn doll. I thought about running off. About going out and drinking. About going out and getting tattoos and piercings.

Though, every time I'd come close to it, I'd recall what my parents always said about those kinds of people. That they're the ones that end up dead in an alleyway someday. That they're the kinds of kids who think doing that as a rebellion against the world would actually do something for them, when it doesn't. When it just ruins their lives further. And then I'd always back out because, damn it, I didn't want to be like every other person out there who got angry at the world and tried to do something stupid like that. Because I still wanted to have a life of some sort someday.

"Jungkook, I'm sorry but if you're going to keep moping around us like this, then just go. If you have something to say, then just say it. But stop moping when you're the one who did this to yourself."