Brendon Urie: Imagines and ficlets

The (Mis)Adventures of a Good Mormon Boy Going Bad 1/?

Brendon is 15 years old, sexually confused but very curious, and wants to be a good mormon. Warning for pornography, violent bullying, homophobia, misogyny, religious guilt, and a lot of sexual content. Sometimes, B describes things in a way I wouldn't but I wanted to keep it from his pov although it is 3rd person (eg the "just like regular people" line--women in porn are regular people--I don't think he dehumanizes them but he does see *some* distance--not quite regular people, just close to it--but sees some parallels between him and them too re: male judgement, violence, etc. He also sees piv and sex as synonymous--but we're going to work on that and I think he already is thanks in part to Eric ;) )

Did folks want me to keep it 3rd person, or go to 2nd person like usual when A Certain Someone comes along? ;)

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Brendon has been wondering about God, sin, afterlife and resurrection, where he'd end up... He's not sure what he believes, and he doesn't want languish in spirit prison for a thousand years, or end up in the telestial kingdom, separated from his family, and especially not outer darkness. When his doubts get heavy he feels so guilty. When he has...certain thoughts and dreams he feels guilty. Especially the ones about boys: those were so wrong other religions and even nonreligious guys thought it was wrong.

Sometimes he can't stop himself from touching himself, but he usually manages to stop before...it happens. Other times, he rushes towards that cliff, pleasure bursting through him, spurting on himself or the sheets or letting it wash away in the shower. He prays to god to give him the strength to stop doing that, and having wet dreams. Holy crap, the wet dreams: things he's never even seen before. He thinks and dreams a lot about seeing a girl naked, getting to touch her all over, especially between her legs, his mouth on her too, licking and kissing her...there... Her touching him back...getting on top of him and...oh God.

He doesn't really know what to do, what can be done, but he hears guys talk, usually about touching breasts and fingering when it's what they do to girls. He'd love to see what girls look like there, and he wonders if girls masturbate too and how. Some guys have said girls stick things or their fingers inside, but Eric said girls have clits, so he is confused--is it inside or somewhere else? What does it look like? He saw part of this one soft core at Jimmy's late at night channel surfing while eating cookies after he woke up during their sleepover, but they never actually showed between her legs. He probably wouldn't have been able to look without praying for hours each day a week. He barely managed to see what he saw without praying for days afterwards (just during and the next morning).

In the locker room sometimes, boys have magazines, tiny pictures on cell phones, printed photos, and Brendon tried to say no, but after the third time, they really started teasing him, the air thick with it, especially that one word. The word always scares him, makes his heart pound and legs ready to bolt, because usually that's the word that comes before punches and kicks or at least being shoved against a wall or lockers or tripped. A couple times (a few times) he snuck looks at some boys when they were changing or in the shower, and he needs them to not pay any more attention to him in case they find out. If he thinks the bullying was bad before... So he looks, but tries not to too much, just getting glaces at down there, mostly looking at everywhere else. He bets they'd look even prettier without make up.

He still gets all blushy and hot, and hard, when their nipples are hard and those pink or red or brown folds down there are spread open. Just seeing the hair down there excites him too, and he lets himself look a lot then. It looks so pettable. He bets the skin is soft and kind of squishy too. Inside it looks raw but really pretty, like it takes getting used to, but better than dicks...flowers, or lips almost, different sizes and colours, and he wonders if the skin there feels like his dick skin does. What they'd feel like on his lips. If touching them feels good, can make them come, or if you have to put your fingers or dick or something inside. Most of them have such little holes too when he even sees it, and how on earth does a baby comes out of it? Sometimes they're touching different parts of it, with long nailed fingers, or putting them or a dildo in, so they touch both ways, but does one feel better? He hopes they're coming any way they can. He likes those better than the ones where they are doing things with others because he feels bad about looking at them then, because it's more sinful and by themselves it's just nakedness, sometimes touching themselves, when everyone is born naked.

He wonders if they feel like he does when he let's himself touch himself. He hopes everything feels as good for them as it seems. Sometimes he notices that they look really dry there, and other boys have said that girls get wet when they're turned on. Something like Vaseline or spit feels even better for him, and some other guys use those or something else too. Oh Lord, he could lick his hand and rub them with it, suck on his fingers and put them in. Lick them there too, get lots of saliva on them. Women together did a lot of that, way more than a man with a woman. And he'd even seen other pictures of women rubbing together...pussy (such a bad word but he has to admit he likes it) to pussy, and on the others thigh, but he'd never seen a girl rub on a guy like that. He'd like to try that too--wonders how it'd feel, even on his thigh. He bets it'd feel close to as good as if he was actually inside if she was just rubbing those lip things on him, everything wet. Why wouldn't a guy want to do everything that felt good? But most made it sound like actual sex was not only the best, but other things didn't really matter, except maybe getting your dick sucked. Other guys did like other things too, but they still wanted actual sex mostly.

Except Eric. He had a girlfriend Amanda, both seventeen, and neither had gone all the way, but had done other things and he was the only boy Brendon had ever heard talk about going down on a girl as something good. Most guys didn't do it or didn't talk about doing it, a couple made jokes about it, or only did it to get it in return, like 69ing--whatever that was, but he guessed it was taking turns? Eric had done it for her a few times before she ever did it back to him, but he didn't sound mad about it. He still did it more than she did. But Eric was grinny at that because she would come more than once when they were together, three or four times usually, and Brendon could tell he liked making her feel good, a lot, both by mouth and hand. Or her touching herself--they'd even masturbate together, and Brendon had never heard of a girl and a guy doing that together. Not even in the porn he'd seen, but he hadn't seen that much. He was always too embarrassed and hard to ask Eric to go into details beyond what he volunteered--like what she looked like when she did, her face and body, and vagina. If she sounded like they did in porn. He had only met Amanda a few times and she was shier than he, almost as anxious, and nice. He liked her. He wished he was brave enough to ask what other things they did--like if she had rubbed her pussy on him, where, what it felt like, if they could both come like that, rubbing or pressed together like he sometimes thought of. He kind of like-likes her, and Eric too. He doesn't like thinking about the latter.

Eric sometimes seems flirty with him, winking, touching him when he doesn't need to--his back, arm, hand, even asked him about what he's done, not making him feel bad about only masturbating--he didn't tell him about all his crazy dreams and thoughts--even joking about how they could show each other once when Eric was high on pot. At least he figured he must be joking, wishing he wasn't too scared of going against his religion to smoke up too because the suggestion sent him into a panic. It throws him off partly because Eric likes girls, differently--more and better--than most boys their age, especially Amanda. And only girls can like both, right? Boys can't--they are one or the other--but a lot of girls are bi. He does like girls a lot too, but some of his dreams, and even some thoughts when he's touching himself--he doesn't like thinking about it. Why bother with something that's so wrong, or impossible?

The guys talk about the girls in porn as if they're sexy and they want to do things to them, but like that fact makes them kind of...bad; bad in a way that they aren't, like it makes them trashy or slutty or whores. As if sluts and whores are bad, and they're just being boys. But he doesn't think they're bad; he bets they're just like regular people. When the discussion gets even worse it makes him think the boys are the bad ones. The boys who call him a faggot call them whores and he's not sure if him and them are those things or not, and if being that is a bad thing or not--like being a faggot is pretty bad, but why was it so bad? Religious or not, they talked about girl on girl but a boy liking a boy was The Worst. They seem to want them to be whores and sluts, but they definitely do not want him to be a faggot. Brendon thinks he is bad sometimes, especially when he thinks about how he's failing God.

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This fic became so long I posted the whole thing here:  

https://www.wattpad.com/story/194396075-the-mis-adventures-of-a-good-mormon-boy-going-bad 

 I will be deleting other parts from this compilation, but they are still here at the link above :)