Africa (urban)

Chapter 37

Not edited....

Africa POV

I shouldnt have kicked him out. I shouldnt have even touched him. He already told me that he didnt want it and I forced it on him. I should have just let it go. I grabbed my head and put my head down. I put this shit on myself.  

I went into the bathroom to clean myself up. I put on some yoga pants and a tank and went out barefoot. I took my sheets off and threw them in the closet. I got a my new sheets from under my bed and began to change my sheet and I heard KJ's monitor start to fizzle. I turned around and looked at the monitor on my desk. It made the noise again and I turned on the next switch. 

"Alright thats cool, and uhhh you know she tried to leave?"

"..."

"Nah she good. I handled it"

"..."

"Thats nasty bro I'll hit you later"

I heard rustling and then he said, "Mommy is mad at me, but when you get up we gone fix it"

I kept it on to see if he said anythig else, but I guess he went to sleep. I turned the monitor off and laid on top of my bed. I layed my forearm over my eyes. I just need to think. I dont know why he didnt like it. I mean I thought I knew what I was doing. I just rather please him instead of someone else. I am his girlfriend and thats my job, not some other girl. He deserves it anyway. He has been putting up with me as my dad would say for a couple weeks now. Why cant he just enjoy it? Fuck. My mind is really boggling. Like this is where friends come into play, Welp. My notebook it is. I went and grabbed it and sat on my bed.

Hmmm..He didnt want it from me so where is he getting it from? I shouldnt even be thinking about that but I mean how can I not think about that. He didnt even seem excited when I touched him. He is acting like he doesnt deserve it. He has been by my side since before I been shot besides the slick ass comments. But Im just saying, I used his black card, he took me on a date, and has been living with me since I got out the hospital. So what does he get in return? Nothing?No because thats not how things work. You scratch my back I scrtach yours. So whats the problem? That is my question.

I closed my book and threw it. This is really frustrating. I need a stress reliever. Like now. I dont have a headache or any pains, just stress and frustration. How could I forget? I went to my closet and reached all the way to the left. I moved the first bottle to the side and inched the second towards me with my finger tips and grabbed it. I smiled at my bottle of Grey Goose. I aint leaving my room for no glass. I went to my speaker and turned on shuffle for my Heart playlist. First song that played was Long Distance by Brandy. I opened the bottle and drunk right from the bottle. Just 2 swallows. I tossed the cap in my trash I knew I wasnt gonna need it. I began to sing along with music.

All i have is a picture in a frame

That I hold close 

To see your face everyday

With you is where I rather be 

But we stuck where we are

So hard

So far

This long distance is killing me

I put the rim of the bottle against my lips and drank some more. I sighed and sat on my bed. I hummed the rest of the song. I can t make you love me by Tank came on. I laid back on my bed and thought about what Jamal was doing. He was probably sleep next to babygirl. I drank some more. I needed this. I was kind of drowsy now. The stress is gone, but there is a quarter of my bottle left. My eyes were slightly low, and I looked at the bottle. I already threw the cap away. I downed the rest of it, scratched the inside of my cast and went to the bathroom. I did my business and washed my hands. I stopped and looked in the mirror. My hair was in a bun so i snatched the hair tie off and my curls cascaded into my face. I watched 2 sweat beads run from my hairline. My eyes were glossy and low. I smiled at myself and rubbed my arm. I swatted what I thought was a fly.

"Damn fly." I laughed at myself.   

I swatted the air again and accidentally hit my mirror.

"Damn." It popped open and my medicine, a razor, my deoderant, and 2 frangrance sprays fell out. I laughed at my little accident. I picked up the razor and put it in my palm. I put it in the toilet and flushed it. I looked at the rest of the stuff and shook my head. My breathing was long and hard. I can fix this shit. Watch me.  I held my nose and breathed through my mouth and my breathing evened out.

"Good job girl" I smiled at myself and removed the curls from my face again. Of course they fell again and I threw my hands in the air. I walked out my bathroom and into my bedroom. I picked up the bottle off my bed. 

"What happened to you man?"  I laughed and listened to the music. Little did you know by Elle Varner was playing and I held myself. I scooted more into the middle of my bed and crossed my legs. I closed my eyes and hugged myself. 

I felt a warm drop on my chest. I knew it was to come out sooner or later. Im not strong. I have to cry. I'm weak, just to weak. Too weak for this world. I quickly got up to turn off the music. I roughly wiped my eyes and went to unlock my door. I stepped into the hallway and headed downstairs. Took me 5 minutes to get down, but I'm down right. I laughed at myself. 

"Cripple ass..." I went to the kitchen to check my dad's stash. Nothing, but some Malibu rum. Hmm? Nigga cleared it, but this will do. I turned to reach into the cabinet, but it would  make to much noise. No glass needed. I went to the couch and just sat there. I opened the half way full bottle and sipped it. I am free. 

Stress free

Kid free

Keith free

Daddy free

Just free. I inhaled deeply and tipped the bottom up once more. There aint shit for me down here. Im finna graduate, KJ gone, Keith aint wit me, Jamal aint with me, Madison cant understand, there is nothing for me here. I was heading upstairs, and hands wrapped around my waist. I sighed. I stopped because I had the bottle in my hand. I didnt turn around, but I grabbed the bottle with my right hand and held it in front of me. I removed his hand with my left hand. 

"Let me he-"

"Immm" I pointed to myself. "Sttrraight" I slurred. 

"You sure you good bae?"

"I said I'm good..I no need no any help" I snickered, but quickly stopped. I continued to walk up the stairs alone and I went slow. I need to be the least of his concern, that little girl downstairs should be hisheart.

I came back to my room to play one song, that would my intoxicated mind would love. I scrolled to Elle Varner and played Fuck it all. I went back to lock my door, and walked to my bed still drinking from the Malibu Rum. I was singing with the song and my voice was getting lower to me. I thought it was my ears so I tried to sing louder, but I couldnt. My eyes wereshut and I saw black at first. Then images of my baby were flickering. The first one was when I just had him, and Keith was smiling in my face. I remember he told me, "Africa..baby I am sorry for everything that I put you through. You are the most beautiful girl and I want to thank you for giving me my son baby. I am sorry. I really am" Then he got KJ and handed him to me and my mom snapped a picture of our family. The next picture was KJ's first step and I was crying.  The last one I remember seeing before completely blacking out was KJ in the hall closet. He was in there knocking stuff over to get to his toys that I hid on the bottom shelf. I was looking out my room door and all I se is his but sticking out of the closet. 

*1 hour later*

 I keep hearing a beeping noise. This shit is irritating. I trying to sit up and I cant. I cant even open my eyes. 

To be continued.....

What do yall think? Africa is going through it. What yall think happened? 

Next update is coming MAYBE Tuesday if I reach the goal. The goals havent been met, yet I still update. 

Goal 

20+ votes

5+ Genuine comments

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Love and peace 

*Destany