What if I don't wanna fall? (Austin Carlile Fanfic)

To all my friends you've already died

Austin's Point of view...

Multiple things woke me up this morning. One being, Anne wasn't in my arms anymore. She must've got up and took a shower, because the smell of flowery soap drowned my nostrils. She opened my curtains, so the sun burned the lids of my eyes. The bright redness on my closed eyes made me turn over. Also, Anne left her phone on my bed. It vibrated. Over and over again.

Stop calling, i'm trying to sleep.

Who ever wanted Toby's voice gave up. The phone stopped buzzing, but i was wide awake. I groaned, sitting up and pushing the covers off me. I put my boxers and basketball shorts back on, stumbling over to my window and forcing the curtains closed. Now i was free to open my eyes. I walked around my bed to my bathroom. I turned the light on and laughed at the sight. Tobys clothes were everywhere.

Socks on the sink, shorts and bras on the floor and her underwear was hanging on the shower curtain. What was she doing? I used the bathroom, and washed my face. I grabbed her phone before leaving my room. Traveling down my stairs, i smelt coffee, bacon, and home fries. "Anne cooking?" I laughed.

"Told you he wouldn't think i made this." She said as i walked in. I walked behind her, sliding my hand on her waist. "I still love you." I said as i kissed her neck. She turned around and kissed me sweetly. I smiled at her beautiful face. "Sorry i wasn't there when you woke up." She mimicked. I laughed, "It's okay, this is what woke me up." I handed her her phone.

She grabbed it from me, kissing me again. "Sorry, it's probably Farrah or Andy." She looked through her phone, then back up to me. "Yeah let me call them back." She smiled, walking into the living room. "At least she made the coffee." Amber smiled, grabbing her a cup and sitting at the table. I made myself a plate and sat next to her. "You hate coffee." I took a bite of my bacon.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She took a big drink, and made a disgusted face. "What makes you think something's wrong?" I laughed. "Nothing." Toby walked back into the kitchen. She sat on my lap. Her hand on the back of my neck, casually massaging it. "I have to help Farrah with something, but i was hoping when i get back we can have a cute little movie night." She smiled.

I kissed her. "I'd like that." I smiled, before kissing her one again. She grinned. "Okay. I'll see you later. Enjoy your breakfast." She kissed my cheek. "Bye Amber." She waved before grabbing her bag and walking out the door. Amber took another painful drink from her coffee. "I wonder how she's getting to Farrahs house with no car. That's a lotta bus transfers." She sighed.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "You're right. I'll see if she needs a ride." I got up and ran after her. When i got outside she was gone. A car traveled away. "Isn't that-" Amber stopped.

I looked back at her. "Isn't that what?" She pouted her lip and shrugged. "Thought that was my friend." She said pointing to a girl across the street. "Oh." I whispered, still looking to see her walking.

How did she get to the bus stop so fast?

**

Toby-Anne's Point of view...

"It was just a brother-sister thing okay? Nothing serious." I assured him. He smiled sadly, letting go of my face. "Look the main reason i brought you here; was to apologize for...y'know what i said."

He sat next to me. "I guess i'm just going insane." He sighed. There was an empty bottle of patron at the end of his couch, and his ash-tray was filling with half smoked cigarettes. "Or you're drinking way too much." I sighed, picking up the empty bottle. "Shay, i'm worried about you." I grabbed his hand.

He stared at the floor, avoiding my eyes. He rubbed my hand with his thumb. "I am too, Anne. I'm worried that if i don't have you, I might do something stupid." He whispered. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I love Shay, but as a brother.

I don't want him to ruin his life because of me. I don't know what i'd do with out him. "Shay, you do have me." I grabbed his face. "I'm right here, and i'm not going nowhere." I smiled.

He shook his head, then he got up. Running his hands through his hair. "No Anne, i don't. You had to lie about seeing me. I don't have you." He was right. Except I was really lying to Amber. She's already on edge with me. I don't want her to hate me. She's Austins sister. I love her just as much as him.

I sighed, rubbing my temples. He was making this complicated. He was making this way harder for me then i want it to be. "Just...just work with me Shayley. Please?" I look over to him. The man that stood in front of me, wasn't Shayley. I don't have a clue who he is. He changed so much. He drank too much and just let nothing but negative energy in.

"Don't do this to me okay? I need you more then you know it Shay. Actually, yesterday; i needed you. But where were you? Driving away in your-"

"I didn't want to see you like that.." He whispered. He turned away from me, staring else where. "Or you just didn't want to see me at all?"

"Don't ever say that!" He yelled. I heard the anguish in his voice. He was on the verge of breaking down.

"Then fucking look at me!" I cried. Before i could even begin to wait for his reaction, his hands cupped my face, while his lips robbed mine. I felt the warm tears of my guiltyness flow my face. Kissing him felt weird, at the same time comforting. I'm guessing because of all the tention. I needed him, so my mind is making this okay.

But is my heart okay with this? I'm making out with my bestfriend, while my boyfriend's home waiting for me to come back and spend the day with him. He pulled away, more like pushed me away. My eyes were forced closed. From thought, from confusion, from bliss. That kiss made me so lost.

"I shouldn't have done that." He said between his heavy breathing. "Let me take you h-" I wanted more, and soon my lips were back on his. Rough and demanding. I grabbed on his waist, my nails digging in his side. He kissed me back, but not with the same passion I gave to him. He pushed me away again.

"No, Anne. You're not doing this to me again." He tried to pry me off of him, as i held on tightly. I stared into his blue eyes. He shook his head, and looked away. "Don't look at me like that..." He sighed, he grip on my hands grew loose. "Austin's.." He looked back at me. "Hes..he's waiting." He stopped trying to pry my hands from his shirt.

"You're sick, Anne." He said. I pulled him closer, and whispered in his ear. "So the fuck are you, Shay." He stared at me for a moment, before pushing me on his couch. He ripped his shirt off, and climbed on top of me. He kissed down my neck, as my hands roamed his back.

I should feel guity. I should feel so worthless right now. I'm cheating on the best guy in the world. I've grew so cold inside, i don't seem to mind. There's something wrong with me. There something wrong with all of us.

The human race is digusting.

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Letlive- Day 54