What if I don't wanna fall? (Austin Carlile Fanfic)

Don't paint me black, when i use to be golden

Shayley's Point of view...

Last day of warped. Last day of touring. Last day of of me being in Of mice and men. Last day of sanity. I thought leaving would give me the closure I wanted. I thought this would help me. Instead it's left me with questions. Will they miss me? What will I do now? Who do I have now? This band was my life, but for some reason it just isn't the same anymore. I don't love it like I used to. I don't crave to do it. At one point I didn't want to do it. I hated every little thing. Even myself. But why?

I just want to go home. Sulk in my sadness, and figure out what I'm to do with my life. Should I start school again? Maybe get a job at guitar center? I can give bass lessons. Vocal coaching? Maybe I could even sell some of my lyrics. I'll sleep on it. Sleep is all I wanted to do anyway. Sleep will bring the sun faster. Soon I'll open my eyes and the bus will be parked in Austin's driveway. I could hop in my car and get away. Never having to deal with the stress, the pain, the envy.

Envy? Was I jealous of Austin? Fuck. Yes I was. His good looks. His tall frame all the girls adored. His golden smile. The freckles that drown his features. His hearty laugh. His wisdom, and inspiring words. His love and passion. His family. His girlfriend.

I couldn't stand being near him anymore. It took so much from me. To see him so happy with something I started. Something I once owned. He stole it all from me, without even realizing. He stole my life from me. Or did I give it to him? I gave up. I gave up on Anne for this band, and just like that I gave up the band. None of it was worth it. None.

My blind was ripped opened. Was it morning? His freckled face peered in. "You are not sleeping!" He laughed. He was drunk. I smelt it on his breathe. A strong smell of Jack Daniels. Everyone in our bus rushed around like crazy, looking for shoes, cologne, and liquor to get their night started.

I just want to sleep. Last day of a tiring tour, and just want to sleep."WAKE UP FUCKER!" Austin yelled. Great. He yanked me by my arm. "You are not sleeping on your last day."

I sighed. "Austin I'm really ti-" he pulled me to the front lounge. "Here take a shot." He poured some Jack Daniels in a shot glass. "Seriously I just want to-" he kept pushing it to my face. "Just come on." I just really wanted to sleep, but fell into his begging. I grabbed the small glass from his fingers. I tossed it down, immediately feeling the burn, and craving more.

Austin's grin grew big as he realized what he started. He did the same. Tossing some of the brown liquid down. He laughed and jumped with excitement. "Woo!" He laughed. He got on top of the couch and started jumping and head banging to the song that blared from the ihome. I sighed watching him jump with drunkness.

Did he truthfully accept my decision to leave the band? Or is he getting drunk so he won't show how upset he truly was? Soon Alan walked up the steps and rushed to the back "forgot something!" He yelled. Austin looked out the window. "GUYS THE CABS ARE HERE!" He slurred. He jumped off the couch. He took another gulp from the bottle, than pushing it to my hands. I resisted the urge to stick it to my lips.

He stumbled out the bus, to their cab. Phil and Tino came out from the back. "Okay so Aaron said he'd be there at 11." Phil said. Tino looked over to me, then back at Phil. "Cool, lets go." What was that for? They then walked out together. I sighed. Giving in to my bodies begging and took a long and pleasing drink from the bottle.

Alan came from the back. He shoved something into the front of his pants. Me, guessing it was weed. He smiled at me. "You coming with us?" He asked. He tighten his belt and check his self in the mirror. I knew sitting here with liquor by myself wasn't smart.

I sighed. "Yeah, why not." I slipped on my vans. Alan slapped my back, as we walked out. "Trust me, it'll be fun!" I got in the cab and looked out the window, the alcohol in my system making the view blurry and fast. I sat back, and waited for this night to be over.