What if I don't wanna fall? (Austin Carlile Fanfic)

I want you to mean it.

"......i try really hard to make my kids happy. I know i'm not the best mother in the world, but i do try. I try to give them everything they want and need. I love them with all my heart. They are all i have left in this world. Without them i have nothing. All i ask is for you to bless my kids and bring my son back. I miss him more then anyone will ever know. Father i love you, and Am-"

Something made the floor above shake. I'm alone. No pets either. I sighed, before getting up from my knees. I quietly walked the stairs. It was dark and abandoned up here. The hall window opened, letting a breeze in.

Maybe a raccoon got in.

I walked into the bathroom. Nothing. Only other door open is my room door. I walked in and checked around. There was nothing there. I sighed before walking out, closing the door behind me. As i walked to the stairs i passed Levis room. His door covered in old and new stickers. I smiled at it. I havent walked into this door in forever. Slowly i twisted the knob. The window was open and breeze blew in, making his curtains flutter.

He had a family photo hung over his bed. It used to sit on the living room wall over the couch. When Greg died he took it. I didn't stop him. His death was hard on him. It was our family picture in Vegas. I smiled at the happiness in our faces. It was a good weekend, even though Anne demanded we took a bus home.

His bed was made, his blue sheets tucked nicely in the mattress. He still had his Toy Story pillow case covering his pillow. I gave that to him ages ago. I hugged it, breathing in his smell. The tears slowly slid down my face. I missed him so much. Everything about him was perfect.

I just want him back. I want to hear his voice again. "Mom?" I cried harder. My head surely messing with me. The sound of his voice was something I haven't heard in a long time. A hand touched my shoulder.

I jumped, looking up to eyes I dreamt of meeting again for weeks. A beautiful shade of brown. They were surrounded with a line of red and puffy. A tear slid down his cheek as he slowly rose the corners of his lips to smile at me. "I'm-I'm back." He whispered.

He grew facial hair. A thin coat of ginger hair grew around his cheeks and chin. I slowly rose from the bed. I stared at him, expecting my head to snap back and when I blinked he'd be gone. His lip trembled as he locked hold on my eyes.

I didn't care if I was going completely insane, I quickly grabbed him, hugging his body. His long arms slowly went around me and hugged me back. His grip was tight, as was mine. I ran my hand over his hair and breathed in his smell. He softly sobbed into my shoulder. We stood like this for some time. 10 minutes maybe. Slowly he pulled away.

He gave me a weak smile, grabbing both of my hands. I smiled back. He sat me down on his bed. I watched as he paced his room back and forth in thought. I wondered what he had to say. I couldn't think of anything. He sighed, then looked at me. "There's so much I have to tell you mom." He whispered

I just shook my head. I was in a lost of words. "Well I'm gonna start with that I'm so sorry. Matter fact sorry is an understatement. I don't know what I can say to prove that everything I did was completely idiotic and stupid. I shouldn't have attacked Umm.." He struggled to remember his name.

"Johnny." I whispered. He smiled at my voice. "Yeah, Johnny." He paused. "And Im sorry for always getting upset and just leaving. Not telling you where I am. Leaving you worried. I'm sorry." He looked at me for some type of response. I couldn't give one. I didn't have one.

He sighed again, running his hands through his hair. It grew longer. It reached his back now. It's ginger curls swaying. "Now to tell you where I've been. Heck, I was everywhere. I meant some crazy people, and I did some crazy things. Things I wish to never speak of." He whispered.

He sat next to me. "Lets start with the okay things and work our way up." These words scared me. What did he do? "First, I got a tattoo." He stood up and pulled up his shirt. It appeared to be a wolf with wings. I was disappointed to see he got a tattoo without my permission, but I knew worst was to come.

"It has meaning though." He whispered. He sat back down. "A wolf. They travel in packs, mom. Sometimes when a wolf feels the pack doesn't need him, he goes on his own. It's dangerous, but they grow up. They learn." I understood what he meant. I nodded my head slowly. He sent me a small smile. "Next, I've-I've been um..." He sighed. My heart raced as I expected the absolute worst.

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. He stared at our hands. "I've been drinking.." He whispered. I lowly gasped. "Levi.." I whispered. He got up again. "I know I know. Why? I don't know. It makes me happy, I forget everything. I pass out, then I wake up angry. It's a cycle. I stopped though. For you. For her." He stared off out the window. "....for him...." He whispered. I was confused.

Was he talking about Jo and Greg? Who? His voice interrupted my thoughts. "Me and Jo broke up too.." He ran over his head again with his hands. "I'm such an idiot. Mom I-I love that girl...she's amazing. She's just way too mature for me mom." He sat down on his chair. I turned to watch him. He started to avoid eye contact. "She wanted to do things I was too scared to even think to do."

I wondered where this one led. "Then I cheated on her..." What? How? Why? I wish I could say these things out loud. He put his head down in his hands. He was getting it all out. This must be hard on him. I stood up and crouch beside him. I rubbed his back. I took a deep breathe before releasing three words I really needed to say. "What happened, Levi?" He needed me.

He looked up at me. Tears flowing down his red face. He pulled me into a hug. "I cheated on her with Farrah! Because I was mad and got drunk and I'm so stupid and I hated what I did. I felt like an otter and complete piece if shit mom! So I ran away from everything!" He got up, almost knocking me over. "Now Jo hates me. Farrah thinks I'm in love with her." He started getting angry with his self. He pulled at his hair.

He groaned in frustration. "Levi, look baby calm down." I hugged him tightly. Was this all he had to say. "Honest Levi Montana..." He whispered. "You are honest Lev-" he cut me off. "No that's his name..." I pulled away and looked at him. "Who's name?" I questioned. He sighed looking away. "Farrah's pregnant.." I slowly sat on the bed.

I knew Levi had a crush on Farrah, but to get her pregnant. I was in a lost if words. I was going to be a grandmother. Levi wa going to be a...a father. I slowly grabbed his hand. We sat in silence for a while. I wanted to break the silence, but I'd no idea what to break it with. I wasn't mad. I wasn't sad. I don't know what I am.

"I'm gonna be there for him." He whispered. "I'm gonna be a man." He picked his head up and looked at me. "I'm gonna be the father I had to him." A tear rolled down my face, as a pictures Levi being what his father was. A great dad. He hugged me again. "I love you mom."

"I love you too, Levi."

Okay okay so I'm sorry it took me forever and ten years to post this. I actually wrote this the day after the last chapter, but it deleted. I was so upset I couldn't get to writing it over. My original version was way better, but ehh. Hope you like it. I should be getting back to regular updating now. And thank you so fucking much for 13,000 reads!!!!!!

Fan. Comment. Suggestions. Thank you!

\m/>,<\m/

Jasey Rae - All time low