❃ 𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ❃

🔹𝕾𝖎𝖝𝖙𝖞 𝕿𝖜𝖔🔹

𝗜𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗼𝗻.

Wei Wuxian was tired. Everything hurt and he was so, so tired his bones ache with it; but he couldn't allow himself to think about that.

He would not allow himself to think about the exhaustion that weighed down on him, the numbing pain that made his teeth chatter, or the frightening emptiness he felt in his very being. He would not, because the only thing Wei Wuxian should think about, the only thing he will allow himself to think about as he took an agonizing breath that feels like it could very well be his last, is: good. Good, this was happening to him. Good, that it was him.

Good, Wei Wuxian thought with a whisper of something too broken to be considered a smile. Good, good, good he kept chanting, edging on desperation, as the word echoed in his mind like a dirge that drew on and on even as everything around him lost its color and breathing felt like thousands of needles were punctuating his lungs again and again and again. Good, that it was me.

Everything was an excruciating agony — his shoulder that was pierced by a blade, the side of his head that was kicked to the ground, the emptiness in his... no. No, Wei Wuxian scolded himself with growing anger and frustration, you will not think about that.

There was no point in thinking about it. It won't change anything; even if he let himself submerge in the ever-growing despair, sorrow, and pain. Even if he let the darkness that constantly caressed the edges of his consciousness finally take over and ruin him, it won't change a single thing but make him feel even more pain than he already was.

A sudden thought washed over Wei Wuxian just as the edges of his sanity begin to crack and bleed, growing weaker and weaker. It was a dark and twisted one, its smile sharp and cruel and terrifying. Maybe I should think about it. Maybe I should think about it until all I know was pain. Maybe then, I will finally learn. Maybe then, I won't ruin everything I touch. Maybe then, the people I care about won't have to suffer anymore. Maybe then...

Maybe then, everything bad that happened won't be his fault for once in his life. Like it was right now.

This was Wei Wuxian's fault. His fault. It was his fault this was happening. It was his fault because he was careless and stupid and he ruins everything he touched.

 That day, when Wen Chao had entered the class, he must have been quiet. He should not have said anything insulting. He should not have enraged Wen Chao. If he had been calm, Wen Chao wouldn't have imagined to lay his hands on Lan Wangji. He knew that Lan Wangji was safe for now, but how long?

Wei Wuxian was the only one to blame and, for the first time in his life, he was sure everyone would agree with him. You're right, the world would tell him. Every misfortune that had happened, happens, and will happen was your fault, Wei Wuxian. Constantly. Always. Forever.

Just as night came after the sun has dipped under the horizon, everything was Wei Wuxian's fault.

He was so afraid of Lan Wangji's safety. He just could not imagine Wen Chao doing something against him to harm Lan Wangji!

But it was okay, he thought. It was okay and it was good that he was the one suffering. He needed to remind himself of that lest he felt sorry for himself. He couldn't feel sorry for himself, because that was selfish and Wei Wuxian did not want to be selfish during his last moments. He has had a lifetime of that. He should be grateful towards his end, that was why it was good that—

"Wei Ying, you bastard!" Wen Chao shrieked in that awful high-pitched voice of his, wiping Wei Wuxian's spit from his face with the edge of his sleeve. He was furious, teeth bared and face as red as his robes, and when he punched the side of Wei Wuxian's already wounded and throbbing head, the world faded to black for a blissful moment that ended too shortly for any relief to be felt.

Funny, a thought danced somewhere in Wei Wuxian's head, floating and innocent. Funny how the name that left Wen Chao's lips sounded nothing like Wei Wuxian's name. Funny how it didn't sound like it was dipped in honey and held under the sun, absorbing all its light and warmth, before leaving a pair of full, cherry-red lips. How funny.

Wei Wuxian could feel his life slipping from between his weak, trembling fingers, and a wave of regret washed over him. The reality of these being some of his very last moments made his eyes water pathetically. There was so much he hasn't yet experienced, so much he wished he could have done in his short, miserable life.

His golden core had been melted and his chest was branded with the Wen's sun motif. Injured and coreless, Wei Wuxian knew that his life has reached its end.

He knew, his death was close.