𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

118. 𝐷𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝐼𝑛 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒

Syn

Madness took over quicker than I thought it would. I was going crazy each moment I spent out here...with her in that fucking place and not in my arms. I tried to convince myself that her knowing it wasn't truly me would help, but the weight of that reveal began to sink like a dagger into my chest. I fought my family for the right to be able to tell her, but I couldn't help but wonder if I put her in more danger.

I questioned if I told her because I wanted her to be safe.

Or if I couldn't live with the image of her touching him thinking it was me.

"What are you thinking about?" Drake asked me, his eyes glued to a book three times bigger than his head.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

He closed the book, coughing as a cloud of dust flew to his face. He waved a hand in front of him and picked up his mug before sitting back and staring at me. "If you won't talk for yourself, do it for me. Your brooding is making my ass itch."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. If there was one thing this guy could do, it was make my already horrible mood plummet to the lowest depths of hell. We didn't need to talk. We didn't need to be friends.

Every time he talked to me instead of ignoring me...

Checked in instead of dismissing my existence...

Reminded me to feed instead of letting me rot—

It made me feel horrible. I read over the shit Mario sent me over and over again: I slaughtered his entire family- the only family he had. I made him an orphan...a widow...I stripped his entire future away with one dreadful night.

A mother and father, a brother, and a fiancé- a pregnant fiancé at that. I killed them all. And what was worse was that I had no memory of it. I spent the better half of my life trying to forget about most of what happened and for the most part, I did.

It was a bloody blur.

Yet as bad as I felt for his loss, the guilt wasn't something that I could force myself to conjure up. I didn't force them to be there that night. I didn't accept any invitation on their behalf. They came to that palace of their own volition and I acted out as a caged child who couldn't take the torture anymore.

Why would they come to witness something so cruel...

Anytime I found myself feeling bad about that, I reminded myself that they chose their fate. They allowed themselves to come to an event where a child would be beaten raw while they ate dinner.

That was who they were.

There was only one innocent life that I'd grant Drake an apology for if he ever asked for one. And that was for his child whom he never got the opportunity to meet. I knew the pain of that and if I had the chance, I'd kill the Seers one million times over for taking her from me.

Fuck, for all I knew what they did was some karmic retribution for the kid I took from him— all the lives I took in that palace, and after.

I'd make that trade though. My daughter's life for all of theirs back. If the heavens and hell could collide and grant that exchange, I'd go back and suffer as long as I needed. There wasn't a number of scars or wounds I wouldn't allow to be inflicted on me if it meant having her back.

I'd take the pain of the entire universe and suffocate in it for the rest of eternity for her life back.

I used to shame God for allowing his son to do that for humans so many years ago, but if his love was as deep as mine was for my children...I could understand it.