𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

114. 𝑇𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑀𝑒 𝐴 𝑆𝑒𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑡

Syn

I smiled, watching the chat bubbles appear briefly before they went away. I glanced back at the balcony, seeing the flustered expression on her face, and relaxed into the seat with a sigh. Leaving and going back to the house would be the best option for me right now— with the whole 'time being snatched' from me in here. What felt like seconds could be hours- just eating away at the time we had to finalize a plan, but I needed just a minute.

Memories I wanted nothing more than to just forget were swirling in my mind. Matilda. The woman I looked up to and trusted when everyone else in the world just left or saw me as some abomination that needed to be distinguished. She was the one who stayed— it took me years to realize that her intentions weren't pure.

She was a sick woman- lonely and tossed aside just waiting for Julius to get bored with his other toys...just like I was. I suppose that's why when I got a bit older and could truly understand, I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at her. It wasn't my job to be angry or exact my revenge when it came to the woman.

As a father now, I knew that it was my parent's duty; active parents would have seen the signs and put a stop to it. I would have for my children— I would have for anyone's. But because of who my father was, I didn't get that same reprieve.

I had the right to be angry at her- to be angry at my parents and Julius, but I couldn't. Not for myself anyway, but for Queen. She was the one that bore the consequences of the scars that my childhood left behind and for that, I was pissed. There was only so much of myself I could change in the name of being the best I could for her. There were days when I closed my eyes and found comfort in alienating myself in that dungeon in my mind. I hated myself for it.

I wanted to be able to find that peace and comfort with her- she deserved it and despite all these years of denying myself...I think I deserved it too. My mind just wouldn't let go- long before I met her, that was my perception of peace. Those moments of not being bothered or being forgotten in that cell were the best of my life.

It's pathetic.

After so long of being freed from those chains, I was still imprisoned by myself. My pain, the memories, these scars— the wondering of how different things could have been if the universe had been kind enough to give me her when I needed her most...

Just as a friend would have been nice.

I may not have understood everything about her, but I would've protected her.

She would've protected me.

There would have been no more cell, no more Julius, no more wondering if tonight was the night Matilda was bored enough to come back...I would have run away with Queen- somewhere far where neither of us could be recognized. We would've been happy and just maybe, I could've grown into a man that she didn't have to love so cautiously. A man who didn't need to keep things from her and expected the same openness back.

It was almost hypocritical for me to ask her to open up to me when I hadn't given her the same grace. That was why I told her about Matilda- I planned to take that secret to my grave, but if anyone needed to know, it was her. It left a key to the heavy metal door in me that guarded everything I'd ever kept buried for my sanity but it was ready for her. That was if she wanted it. It'd be hard, but I'd do it for her.

The only thing was I'd expect the same from her and I wasn't sure she was ready just yet.

I felt a push on my arm and I opened my eyes, snapping not only out of my thoughts but back to reality as the night surrounded me.