𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

50. 𝐼𝑡'𝑠 𝐴𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒

May 10, 2023

Queen

The doors opened, taking away the barrier that muffled the sound in the dining room and my gut twisted. I can't do this. I stepped out of view from the door frame instantly and Syn looked in my direction. I couldn't find the exact words to say as my heart beat out of my chest, but it was like he already knew.

He stepped through the doors as if Saint or I weren't right outside and clapped his hands together loudly. "Shit, I'll be right back," he said. "I forgot Saint..."

"How are you going to forget your child?" I heard Caspian say coolly in his accented voice. The sound brought back a nostalgia that brought a smile to my face and I shook my head.

"Right," I heard Cleo say. "On his birthday too."

Out of all the voices in the room scolding and teasing Syn for his neglect to bring Saint...hers hurt the most to hear. It brought me back to a time when she was the only person I spoke to after Syn was gone. I remembered how she held my hand in the hospital and told me everything would be okay when I was giving birth to Xavia...How every night following that day, she made sure I never spent it alone.

If it wasn't for her, I wasn't sure I'd be here.

So how could she above anyone in this world believe I had it in me to cheat on Syn? She personally and up close with no rose-colored glasses saw how destroyed I was after he died. Was there something I did or didn't do in my time of being best friends with her that changed her view of me to that point?

"I'll be right back," I heard Syn say.

I leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath as Saint looked up at me curiously. I wondered if he understood what was going on. Did he think I was a coward?

I began to remember the reason why we were here in the first place and my heart tore into pieces. This wasn't just some reunion for me to come and patch things up.

It was his birthday.

His second birthday and I was over here keeping him away from his family because of my personal issues.

Syn walked out of the room and his eyes landed on me in the hall. Before I could speak or try to explain myself, his hand was on my arm and he snapped his fingers. We were back in his room immediately and I shut my eyes to stop the minor dizziness. Saint giggled in my arms, thrilled by what just took place and I sighed.

"What happened?"

I opened my eyes to look up at Syn and I shook my head. "I thought I was ready to see everyone again, but I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry for making you come all the way back—"

"Don't apologize."

"Syn, you were so excited when I mentioned seeing them again. It has to hurt you that I just...didn't."

"What hurts me," he started, his eyes trained on mine, "is the possibility that you may have only come home as to not disappoint me."

"That's not it," I assured him. "I'm so...beyond excited to be back here with you. It's just everyone else that's making this so hard for me. I'll get over it, but it may take me a minute."

"Get over it," he repeated under his breath, letting out a huff before running a hand through his hair. "Fuck, I hate when you say that."

"I'm—"

"If you apologize again I'm going to lose my mind," he whispered. Shit...I kept my lips shut, not knowing what to say anymore and he looked back down at me. "You...are entitled to feel as angry as you want...for as long as you want. You don't need to get over it for anyone besides you, and that's only if you want to.