𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

57. 𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑊𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔

May 10, 2023

Queen

I looked at him silently, waiting for any reaction to my words. But there was none. This was the moment I was waiting for. The second he'd find out the truth and suddenly push me, along with everyone around him away.

I hated seeing him like this. If I could've taken his pain and frustration at this moment and make it my own, I would have.

He looked at me for a long few moments and it was almost like I could see all the questions swirling in his head and clouding his mind. I just hoped that through all that fucked up fogginess, he could see me still standing here and waiting for him.

It was wishful thinking.

I didn't know what I expected, but he turned his back to me and my heart shattered for the millionth time tonight. I held my breath like it was the last thing keeping me from completely collapsing as I watched him walk away from me.

Under his shoes, I could hear the sound of the glass crunching as he strode toward a chair facing the large floor-to-ceiling window. He sunk into it and from a few steps behind him, I saw him lower his head into his hands. My body and heart and almost every fiber in me was pushing me to go to him. I wanted to completely surround myself around him until he had no memory of what he had just seen...

But I knew better than that.

This wasn't about what I wanted.

After the things that happened with Sebastian, I wanted to disappear from the entire world. I felt disgusting. My own body didn't feel like my own as he took the one thing no one should ever be stripped of.

Free will. The free choice and will to just say something as simple as no was just taken within a single second. How could I, knowing how that feels, push Syn to want me to be there for him? I couldn't. Not ever and especially not in a moment like this.

He needed space and I—

"I'm sorry," I heard him say lowly, making my mind snap back to the moment at hand.

"For what?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder before looking around at the chaotic mess in the room. "Doing this," he said, staring at the shattered glass around my feet. "I just lost it. I'm not always like this, I promise I've gotten a lot better with my—"

I shook my head. "Syn..."

"...temper," he finished. "If you need to leave, I get it."

"Do you want me to leave?"

He let out a deep breath, turning back to the window and running a hand through his hair. "I don't know," he replied in a voice not much louder than a whisper. "If I told you that I just needed the night alone to...compose myself...would you come back in the morning?"

I felt a dull ache in my chest at the thought of leaving him here alone, but I nodded in understanding. "Of course."

"Then that's what I need right now," he said, his back still to me as he stared out the window.

A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away. "Okay." I walked to my bag in the room and picked it up before heading to the door. I had so much that I wanted to say to him. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but if he wanted to be alone, I could give him that. My hand lingered on the doorknob, and I let out a shaky breath before turning to him. "I'll be in the room...across. If you need me..."

I saw him nod slightly and I opened the door. "I promise I'll be better in the morning," I heard him say. I paused, wanting to walk back in and tell him that he didn't need to be, but instead I did the hardest thing I had in months and closed the door.