𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

74. 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒

May 13, 2023

Queen

His hesitancy at my words was riddled all over his face. The crease between his brows as he studied me, and his overpowering gaze waiting for me to show any slight sign of cowering- which wasn't going to happen. With everything going on, we both needed this. We needed a few moments to let go- get lost in each other, and temporarily forget about all the problems around us.

Especially him.

There was no single person in the entire universe that fully knew Syn. I was sure I was one of the only lucky people to get to know a quarter of everything he was inside-out and just with that small percentage of knowledge, I knew he was beating himself up inside more than he deserved.

If our situations were reversed and I had been the one to be in his position, and he in mine, he wouldn't have let me be so hard on myself. Granted, if he were me, he wouldn't have let it get this far. He would've known something was wrong.

I could never be as good at reading people as Syn was, but there was a time when he couldn't understand people at all. If he could come that far to where he was now, there was no reason for me not to be able to. I just needed to take a few pages from his handbook- which contained one single word:

Love.

Multitudes of promises stemmed from that word and he pledged to honor them all with me. He loved me boundlessly. It came without strings- without clauses, stipulations, or exceptions. I could come to him as flawed as life could make me and he'd love me no less than he did at my best. I could hurt him in the most painful and agonizing ways and he'd smile- hiding it away, just so I didn't feel bad about it.

I was certain I could quite literally kill him and he'd wait for me in Hell just to yell at me for a few seconds before kissing me, and telling me how he looked forward to us spending the afterlife together. It was unhealthy- probably beyond toxic, but that was how he loved. And that was how he deserved to be loved, yet every single one of us fell short.

Especially me.

How could I be with him selflessly, if I couldn't love him as dangerously as he loved me?

He let out a breath, his eyes shifting away from mine down to my arm. He shook his head, a forlorn gaze filling his eyes. I followed his eyes to the dark bruise on my arm and sighed. Yesterday was horrible, but it wasn't him.

"Syn-"

"No." He shook his head, his arms dropping from my hips as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "I would never blame you for any pain that I've caused you, but why do you insist on staying in situations that will end up hurting you?"

A cool breeze floated past us, reminding me just how exposed I was and I wrapped my arms around myself. "By situations you mean you?"

"Not just me, but in general. Where is your sense of self-preservation, Queen?" He asked sincerely, running a hand through his hair before throwing a hand up. "I'm giving you an out that has no consequences for you. We've both seen what happens when I'm not in control of myself and you're around. It should scare you because it fucking terrified me."

I let his words wash over me, but that's all it did. I immediately recognized this as one of his many attempts to scare me away.