𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

58. 𝐵𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑠

May 11, 2023

Syn

I was fucking losing it. I hadn't expected to say everything that I did to her, but I couldn't help it. One word spilled out after another until I was breathless and standing here, waiting for her to say the next few words that had the potential power to rip everything in me apart.

There were only two things in the world that had the power to completely destroy every decent thing left inside me. Myself...and her. I wasn't sure if she knew it, but how could she not? If she placed a fraction of importance on the way I looked at her to the way she looked at me, there was no fucking way she didn't know.

She meant the entire universe to me.

Which was why I couldn't bear ever telling her any of this in the past. The only reason I was here now was because after she left my room, I realized that she, as often as she did it...wasn't the only one who would run. We didn't do it in the same ways but I'd run from letting her in by pushing her away and picking arguments with her. We were both pussies in our own ways, but I had reached my breaking point. I needed her completely, but that would never happen if something didn't give.

She was all in and I thought I was too until I watched her force herself to leave me at my lowest a few minutes ago. She wasn't the one keeping us from being together the way I wanted to. I was. I was the last sliver of cement holding up the brick between us.

When I realized...I knew there was no fucking way I'd wait another second before going to her.

"Wrong," she whispered. "Completely fucking wrong, Syn." My eyes found their way back to her and she dropped her bag to the floor. My eyes followed it as hit the floor and I focused on it, feeling her hands wrap around mine. "Look at me..."

Her finger moved to my chin, prompting me to face her directly and my chest tightened as my eyes landed on her shiny brown ones. "There is no perfect version of you that lives in my head like you think," she said. "You were right when you said I saw someone strong...I do. And I do see a hero. But not because I want to. Every single thing that you recognize in my eyes when I look at you is only a reflection of what I see.

"I know that you think that I see you as weak after what I saw Stella do, but that's not it at all. You have to be misinterpreting my anger and love for you as something it's not because that's all there is. I could never look at you any differently, Syn. If I have to tell you how much I love you every minute of every day for the rest of eternity, I will. But no matter how many times I say it, it won't matter until you start to believe that you're worthy of it.

"And you are. Completely. Not despite your flaws, but in light of them too. I love every single part of you, Syn. You need to know that there's nothing you could tell me that would make me change my mind about that," she said. "Before you start to doubt anything I'm saying...imagine our situations were reversed, would you love me any less?"

"No," I said quickly, not even taking a chance to think about it before replying. It was the truth.

"So why do you think I would?" She asked, searching my eyes. "I know I haven't been the best in the past with not leaving..." she looked down at our hands before looking back at me. "...but I've never stopped loving you. I'm not going anywhere, Syn."

The tense knot in my chest slowly dissolved and I felt the corner of my lip tilt up into a small smile. "Is that so?"

"It is...so." She nodded, squinting in thought if she said her sentence correctly.