𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

113. 𝑃𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠

⚠️This chapter contains mentions of child abuse and self-harm. Viewer discretion is advised.⚠️

Queen

I sunk into the chair behind me as Syn's voice sounded in my ears. A warmth filled me- the defensive wall in my chest breaking down as I began sobbing. This was him. I couldn't pinpoint exactly how I knew, but I felt it. There was nothing in my mind begging me to dissect anything— it was just him.

"I'll give you two minutes to cry," he said. "But then you need to stop because it's hurting me, okay?"

Okay. I sniffled, speechless and unable to find the words to say to him. It couldn't have been more than a few days— at least for me, but it felt like an eternity had passed here without him.  All the stress and confusion I had been holding in these past few days along with what Lilith's revelation meant to me was let go. Just at the sound of his voice.

"I'm here, Princess," he said calmly. "Just breathe." My chest heaved— anxiety crawling through my veins, but I let out a labored breath at his request. "Oh, come on. I know you can give me better than that," he told me. "Breathe in— I won't be satisfied until I hear you almost cough on that breath. Do that for me."

I took a deep breath, feeling my lungs expand until I couldn't take in any more air. "Good. Now let it out," he instructed. I let it out in a long shaky breath, my eyes closed. "Again." I followed his instructions. Again, and then another time until my panic was replaced with a numb feeling.

"Don't leave me yet," he said, pulling me back to him. "Talk to me."

I sniffled. "You heard?"

"I did," he replied and I ran a hand past my hair. I never talked to Syn about Sebastian. Besides what he knew from just being there, I never expanded on it. I wasn't ready to. Syn was possibly the strongest person I'd ever known and although I wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with him, this felt different.

Sebastian hurt me in a way I wasn't sure I'd ever forget and I couldn't admit that to Syn— he wouldn't understand. He'd hate that the memory was still fresh in my mind and that there was nothing he could do to change that. It didn't mean that I didn't love him or wanted Sebastian, but I wasn't prepared for Syn to think that was the case. "It's okay, I'm okay now." I wiped my cheeks. "Besides this isn't the time anyway—"

"You're hurt now," he said lowly. "This is a better time than any. If you're just not ready, tell me that. I can wait as long as you need me to. Just know that you can tell me anything."

A tear fell down my cheek and I nodded. "I know."

"I know I don't talk much about my past either," he said. "But I need you to know you can talk to me about yours. I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone- not even Xavier."

"What is it?"

"When I was younger— in the palace. My mother was banished and I was under Julius's thumb for a while. He wasn't very nice, but his punishments were always predictable," he said flatly. "There was a woman- very nice, I thought. She was a servant tasked with bringing me my one meal every other day...her name was— it doesn't matter. I just remember her always being so...nice when no one else was. She'd clean my wounds, bring me books...sneak snacks and pastries for me through this little slot in the door. It went on for maybe a few months or so until I was twelve.

"Then she started coming in with the snacks. I didn't think much of it, I liked the company and I trusted her but it was never just company," he said and I felt a chill run through my body. "It started as touching me here and there— her excuse being that she wanted to make sure I was okay everywhere." He paused and I could feel deep down inside me how hard this was for him to tell me. I could feel his pain- his confusion and anger as he recounted the memory and my heart ached.