Everything You Wanted Me To Be.

Chapter 77

Leaving Grace in that state was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I dial Harry's number. "Jace what can I do for you?"
"I need a session, like now before I do something I shouldn't."
"I see, come on over." I drive straight to Harry's house. He's became a really good therapist recently and I pay him enough to stay quite about my past. We've developed quite the understanding. On route to Harry's I stop at an off-licence and grab a bottle of Vodka and Marlboro Gold. I'll shower and wash and Grace will never know. I light a cigarette in our Bentley, I'll regret that later. I drive to Harry's and pull into his drive way. He opens the door for me before I even ring. I throw my cigarette on the floor and walk in.
"What's up Jace?"
"I'm fairly certain I'm loosing Grace and my baby all at once."
"Okay...can you unpack that for me a bit?"
"Grace needed surgery, she didn't have to have it but I told her too and she agreed. It went wrong. I'm almost certain she's going to loose the baby or already is. She lost it at me saying how two people can have no happy ending and then told me to leave."
"Did you?"
"Fuck no. I just sat and watched her pretend to sleep till I was asked to leave."
My phone buzzes in my pocket I ignore it. Shit what if it's Grace. I pick it up, it's the hospital.
"Two secs Harry it's the hospital sorry."
"Hello?"
"Hi Mr Atlas is Grace with you?"
"No why, she was on the ward like literally 40 minutes ago?"
"She's self discharged and we can't locate her."
"How the fuck can she self discharge she can't even walk, she had open fucking surgery 7 hours ago?!"
"I'm sorry Mr Atlas. Would you like us to call the police?"
"No I'll find her. Does she have anything with her?"
"Yes she took her purse and is wearing the outfit she came in with. Her bags are still here tho."
I stand up.
"Sorry Harry Grace left the fucking hospital." I walk out his house and climb in the car. Where the fuck would she go, why's she doing this. This isn't very Grace like. Fuck maybe Michael took her. I dial Michaels number.
"Jace?"
"Do you fucking have Grace, I swear to god I will kill you if you so much as lie, or have her."
"No I don't have her. Why would I?" I hang up he's telling the truth he was genuinely surprised I rang. Fuck. Do I ring her? No she won't answer. I'll call my PI. I dial Isaacs number.
"Hi J, what can I do for you?"
"I need Graces location now."
"Bare with me I'll see where her cell pings off." I'm driving so fast and I don't even know where to. The hospital let's go back there she's fucking nuts. I'm going to kill her I swear.
"She's in a bar."
"What?"
"Yeah she's in a bar called Rivo I'll pin the location to your phone now."
"Thanks mate send me an invoice" I hang up and set the satnav to the bar. It's fucking miles from the hospital, what is she thinking, did she walk?
It doesn't take me long to get there the way I'm driving. I throw my car well Graces car onto the road and wack my hazards. I swear I'm going to kill her myself right now. I look around the bar and see her sat on the last bar stool on the bar. I need to calm down. I walk over to her.
"Grace?" She looks up and looks shocked. She waves the bar tender over and looks up at me.
"What can I get you?"
"Another one...and one for my baby daddy here." My heart does a flip hearing her call me that. What is she drinking? My heart sinks when he pours two tequilas. I've never even seen Grace drink Tequilas. He hands one to Grace and I grab it and cover it.
"Absolutely not are you fucking insane?" She looks at me and smiles. She grabs mine and downs it before I can stop her.
"I lost it." My heart absolutely drops. I'm praying she lost something else and not our baby. She won't survive that. Right now I'm not convinced I will either.
"When?" She looks at me like I've lost the plot.
"I've been bleeding since I came round." She has got to be joking surely?
"You mean to tell me you've known the entire time I was sat by you and you said nothing?" She nods.
"Yep." Fuck. Now I'm mad I down the tequila meant for Grace and grab her arm. At this point I don't care if it hurts I'm fucking fuming.
"Get off me."
"No. You're coming with me Grace. Don't be a brat don't fucking fight it just come with me." She doesn't fight me as much as I was expecting. I'm certain it's because she's in pain.
"She hasn't paid yet!!" The bar man shouts and I throw a 100 dollar bill at him.
"What are you going to do?" Grace asks. I ignore her question, I might tell her I'm gonna kill her, even though I'd never do that but I am fuming. I open the passenger door of the car and motion for her to get in. She does. I lock her door. I climb into the drivers seat.
"Grace who the fuck do you think I am? Infact who the fuck am I to you?" She looks at me confused.
"Was I the dad to the child you think you're loosing?" She looks at me confused and I pull out onto someone. They beep at me but I continue.
"Of course you were why would you ask that?"
"Then tell me why the fuck would you let me sit there and not tell me. Why would you do that?" I know I shouldn't be lashing out but I'm fucking furious.
"I couldn't tell you. You'd hate me."
"No I hate you for not telling me. Fuck no I don't hate you I'm just fucking furious you think it's acceptable to sit there loosing our child, not saying anything, giving me a load of shit about how two people can't be happy, pretending to be asleep for 2 hours only to leave the hospital the second I'm gone. Do you fucking realise you could have died? You had open surgery hours ago!!"
"I'm sorry."
"No Grace you're fucking not." I pull into the hospital drop off point.
"Get out the fucking car." I wack the hazards on and go around to the side of the door Grace is. I help her out the car and walk her into the hospital. I see a wheelchair to the side.
"Just wait here." I run over and grab it.
"Get in."
"No way I can walk."
"Grace get the fuck in stop being a stubborn idiot." She huffs and does as she's told. I need to stop swearing at her but I'm really mad. I take her to the ward we've came from i go to the reception.
"I need a doctor and someone who can scan her. She self discharged after having surgery this morning. She thinks she's having a miscarriage."
"I am having a miscarriage." Grace pipes up.
"Someone will be right with you, the room you left is still for you." I take Grace to the room I carefully lift my idiot wife onto the bed. My heart sinks when I see the blood on the sheet. She just sat in it hiding it. I pace around the room occasionally looking at Grace.
"I'm sorry." She whispers.
"You fucking should be. I did nothing to make you think I'd hate you. All I've done is reassure you. Then you discharge yourself and go to a bar. How many did you have?"
"Four maybe five?" I literally have no words for her right now. Fortunately for Grace the nurse comes in.
"Hi I'm here to scan you." Grace wells up.
"No I don't consent." Is she serious?
"Grace we have to know." She's shaking her head profusely.
"Can you give us a second?" I ask politely
"Yes of course I'll be back." I don't particularly want to comfort Grace right now. I'm hurt about how she's gone about this. I need to know though. I sit on the end of her bed.
"Grace I need to know."
"I don't...Jace please don't make me find out."
"What's the alternative Grace? We just don't find out? You just miscarry and we continue? What if 3 months down the line your belly pops out and you never lost it? You really aren't in a position right now to be negotiating this after the shit you just pulled. You put yourself at risk. God forbid that our baby is still alive I..well I don't know but that's something we need to know."
"Could fucking kill me? That's what you were going to say?"
"Don't be fucking stupid I'd never lay a hand on you, just do the god damn scan. For me. I need to know." She says nothing and nods. I walk out the room and find the nurse before she changes her mind. The nurse comes in.
"Okay hunny not ideal but im going to do an internal scan I'll see better. Given the surgery you had today it will hurt im sorry." Grace nods and splits her legs. I stand behind the nurse, Grace can get fucked if she thinks im going to hold her hand now. Grace can't see the screen. The nurse is scanning her womb and i see it. The baby we'd been shown multiple times. It's still there. The nurse points to the screen and confirms my thoughts, Grace is very much still pregnant. How is beyond me.
"Okay Grace hunny we need to find out why you're bleeding."
"What?!"
"Your child is fine. Your bleeding is unusual although your body has been through some trauma. I'm going to get your cannula put back in and hang some blood as you really shouldn't be loosing anymore. I'll get the doctor to come examine you." I look at Grace whose eyes are over flowing with tears. She looks at me I can't look at her I'm so disappointed in her. The nurse removes the scanner from Grace.
"Can you print that off for me?" I ask.
"Certainly." She prints one off for me and I grab it and look at it. The nurse leaves the room.
"Jace..I'm so sorry I thought."
"Save it." I walk out and Grace tries to follow me and I walk back in before she manages to get out of bed.
"No you don't get to follow me, you'll fucking sit there, you'll take my fucking blood you will not move. I will be back. I need to park the fucking car and have a cigarette before I deal with you."
She says nothing and nods crying. I feel really hurt by Grace. Her lack of trust, the fact she hid the thought she was miscarrying, the fact she'd put herself in danger. I stop off at the nurses station.
"She's had a few drinks by the way if that needs anything or impacts her treatment."
"Do you know how many?"
"She said it was 5 tequilas."
"Thanks for letting us know." I nod and walk away. I get the lift down and see the Bentley has a ticket on the window. I roll my eyes. I tuck the scan photo in the sun visor. I drive the Bentley to the actual car park and sit in it having a cigarette. I don't care about Graces judgement right now. Fuck I think I could actually kill her for putting my baby in danger like she has tonight. She fucked up. Maybe this is how she feels every night I do? No my fuck ups are no where near this. She made a mistake but she had the power to check and didn't. I open the vodka and take a huge swig of it. I can't go to Grace right now. I'll say something I'll regret. I love her so much but right now I think I could fully leave her for this shit. That baby was my hope when I was getting locked up.
"FUCKKK!!!" I shout and smash my hand on the steering wheel. I take another swig of the vodka. I finish my cigarette and drop it out the door. I open the parking ticket, 60 dollars, is that it? You'd like to think blocking the entrance to a hospital in a Bentley would earn me 10 times that. I get out the car and take another drink of the vodka and throw it back into the back seats. I light another cigarette and inhale deeply. Shit I'm a dad still I need to not be doing this. Oh fuck it I have 8 months to sort my shit out. I finish the cigarette and put it on the floor. A couple give me a dirty look, it's really not the night for people to be doing that. I put my hood up and walk back into the hospital. I go to the ward Graces on. She's sat up in bed, her cheeks are stained with tears and she's hooked up to an IV with blood, my blood. I sit on the sofa at the end of the room which is about as far away as I can get without sitting outside.
"Jace?"
"Mmm."
"I wouldn't have if I'd known." I look at her. She's genuinely gutted she did such a irresponsible thing. She didn't think about the remote possibility our child could still be alive.
"You lied to me all evening." I laugh "fucking pretended to be asleep when you thought you were loosing my baby. What kind of idiot do you think I am?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to resent me."
"Resent you? You think I'd resent you if you accidentally lost my child...fuck me Grace do you even know me?" I stand up and walk over to her.
"You fucked up today. You fucked us up today."
"Us? Jace..please no im so sorry. I'll do everything I'll stay I won't do anything to.."
"To what? Kill our child? Damn fucking right you won't. Im not going to let you out my god damn site. Even if you're the last person I want in them right now." That might have been a bit harsh. She probably feels like shit already. There's nothing I want more than to go give her a hug, tell her it's fine, but it's not. Nothing about what she did is fine.