Everything You Wanted Me To Be.

Chapter 5

I pull into the car park 15 minutes later. I'd driven quick. Partly because the car was exquisite but mainly because I didn't want to be in the car with Jace any longer than I had to be. I go to park in an ordinary space until it occurs to me. Jace will have his own slot. He always did in Chicago so I suspect he does here. I drive around looking for it.
" where's your slot?"
He looks up and shrugs " no idea haven't been here before."
I pull to the front of the building scanning the reserve parking lists. I find a slot with the acronym J.A on the floor and put the car in there. This must be it. It's by the door and I'm relieved at this. It's cold today and in my haste I forgot a jacket. I pass Jace his keys in the car, he lifts his hand to retrieve them and his hand lingers just a little to long on mine. We are just inches away from each other and our eyes lock together. I'm already flustered and high off driving this car. Jace would never have let me drive something of this calibre in Chicago.
" Thanks for the lift to work baby."
My eyes widen. He didn't just say that. It's been months. I know we didn't exactly split up, but we weren't together like surely months of no talking? We don't just migrate back to the same pattern. Do we?
"I'm not your baby" i scold and climb out the car. I rush to the elevator praying it closes before he gets there. Of course Devine intervention stops that and he runs in as it's closing.
"Grace don't be like that. I missed you. I know you missed me too." He grabs my hand and holds it in his.
" you don't get to call me baby, or assume there is anything between us. There isn't. You chose literally everything above me in Chicago and I won't have it here."
I'm praying this lift hurry's up and delivers me to 11th floor quickly. I can see Jaces face is in a frown. PING!!
Saved my the elevator I leap out and I walk far to quickly to my office. When I get in there I lock the door. I find three more manuscripts on the desk. How many am I suppose to do a week? When I was an intern it was only 3, given I only worked 2 days but this time I'm working 4 and at university on 1 days for my masters. I can't wait to be on campus again. The buzz of learning I'll never not thrive from.
I think I should probably speak to someone about my job expectation. I log into the emails, a few from potential authors asking for feedback, some from George about mandatory training. That's when I get a new email. I roll my eyes as soon as I see who it's from. Of course it's Jace.
Grace,
Could you give me the feedback on the manuscripts from yesterday?

We have the authors in today at 1400.

Cheers,
Jace

Is he joking? Surely he knows I can't do coverage on three manuscripts in one day. I walk over to
George and ask where I'd find my line manager, Jace. George tells me his is the office opposite Lorenzos. The third door down. I storm off towards the elevator. I am so mad. He's setting me up to fail. Just like last time. I won't have it not this time. When I reach Jaces office I stop. Why am I up here? I'm once again being the puppet to the puppeteer. That's when I notice Jace is not in his office. I turn to walk down the hall. My anger has the better of me and I feel the hot tears rolling down my cheeks, as I walk back to the elevator I'm yanked into the office to my left. And the door closes behind me, I hear it lock. Shit.
"Baby what's wrong?"
Fuck. Shit. He wasn't suppose to see me like this.
" you that's what's wrong. You wind me up, your intolerable. You want me to read three manuscripts and comment in one day? I work fucking 8 hours Jace. You're once again sabotaging my career just like you did in Chicago. I won't have it I'll just quit and find a graduate job somewhere else."
I'm angry. No im fuming. Jace is a matter of inches away from my face. He puts his finger under my chin and forces me to look at him. He's tall so bloody tall. I loved that always about him. We fit like a glove.
"Grace, baby. I'm sorry. Firstly the email was a joke. I just wanted you to come up here so I can discuss your work with you. But more to the point I didn't sabotage you in Chicago you needed me to step in. You needed me."
" no I didn't, I needed to work. Where were you when I was sobbing in the bathroom, literally loosing our unborn child. You were out drinking and partying. You didn't care. I needed to work. I needed time to be on my own. Yet here you are."
His face is pained, he knew he fucked up that day. We both knew we were to young to bring a child into our world. Or more I was. Jace was fine he could of supported us but he didn't. He was drinking and going out every night. Leaving me to study at home alone or work. I wince at the last 3 months of our relationship. I feel sick at the thought of the memory of our child being lost.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. You know I am. I don't drink anymore, I don't go out. I spend so much of my time at the gym now. Grace I'm sorry I wasn't there for you then. I loved you so fucking much, but I just felt powerful. I had all this money and I had you like a trophy. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm here now though."
"Save it." I compose myself. I lean past him grabbing a tissue off his large cherry wood desk. I turn to walk out when he grabs my wrist.
" Grace I do need to speak to you about work. You know that."
I sit at the desk. He talks me through my role, he's professional now I'll give him that but I'm not listening. I nod and throw in an occasional ok. I'm there in body but not in soul.

I walk back to my office and send Jace an
email. I cc George in for information.
Jace,

Not feeling well. Apologies will make up the time next week. Have gone home.

Grace.

With that I picked up my bag and left, not giving opportunity for him to stop me nor reply.