Everything You Wanted Me To Be.

New beginnings.

Have you ever read a book that lit a fire in your mind? Did it guide you out the dark? Or did it pull you into the dark? Because i did. A delicate balance between happy and sad, love and lust and most importantly the one and the one who isn't. This is what brought me to a career in publishing.
Today is my first day as a grad student. I managed to bag a pretty good job as a assistant project manager at a top publishing company. Between work and school my mind will be occupied and i needed that. Believe me I needed it. I throw my Filofax into my leather bag, I wanted to look together, smart and most importantly intellectual. Not like I'd been swarming through dark thoughts, drinking too much wine and craving a boy who tossed me aside when life got inconvenient. No today I am Sophisticated, together and ready, for what I'm not quite sure but if I say it enough I might believe it myself.

I hop in my car and punch in the postcode for work, just a short 20 minute drive, I start the car and drive to what I hope will be the change i want. I have a nice car, probably nicer than most grads, it's a nice BMW and it's blue between my graduate job and my working as a manuscript proof reader, I make enough to cover the steep finance on it for now. When I arrive I drive into the car park, it's crowded but my car fits in. If I'd arrived in my old car, a battered fiat 500, I'd have felt out of place and ready to run back to my cosy bed. Not today though, today I am Grace Watson and I have my life together. I repeat this to myself at least 50 times until I get to the 11th floor of this giant building. Walking to the front desk a pretty petite lady whom enquires who I am.
' Hello, I'm Grace Watson I'm the new assistant project manager Graduate'
'Hi Grace, I'll dial Mr Andersons assistant now and he should be along soon'
I thank her and move to the nearby sofas and take in my surrounding. It's bright, the room is light and airy, modular and practical. I'd anticipated something more retro but I was grateful for the simplicity; maybe I'll actually fit in here?
After a short period of time a handsome normal looking man, I'd say in his early thirties approaches me.
"Hi Grace; I'm George, I'm Mr Anderson's assistant and he's asked me to show you to your office, we will go meet the man himself later this morning"
"Hi George, thanks so much it's nice to meet you"
He extends his hands, I take it politely and shake it. George is a normal looking man, strong with soft hands I'm sure he would have many girls wanting an audience but not me.
He glides through the office saying hello to far to many people, he's clearly either really liked or a suck up, I'm not sure which yet but he seems agreeable and I'm great full for having time to compose myself before meeting the infamous Lorenzo Anderson.

George guides me to an office, it's small but functional and it's nicer than the open floor plate we walked through, where I expected to be working. On the door is the name of who I can only assume to be a former graduate Trevor Sanderson.
"I'll let you get settled, we have a session with Mr Anderson at 1030 I'll come grab you just before. All of your IT software and equipment are there and some starting manuscripts are on the desk, feel free to customise the office as you please, it is now yours for your time here.'
I thank him and he gives me a enthusiastic smile, nods his head and walks over the corridor to a slightly larger, darker office of which I can only assume to be his own.
I glance around and find a Apple Mac on the sleek white desk, the office is walled by glass with blinds and is bright and airy, the view of the city is incredible, it's a windy and rainy day but I feel warm and toasty looking at that view. The view I worked so damn hard to get. I opt to close the door for a while, it felt less awkward that way and I sit at the desk and power up the Mac. I put the password and log in left on a post it in the top draw. I make a mental note that it doesn't seem very secure but brush it off when I am prompted to change the password. Once logged in I open the mail app and some google tabs.

That's when I see it, my heart skips a beat; and then another. Whilst much of my inbox is filled with welcome to the company, pleased to have you here and let me know if you need anything from various other employees. One email, the most recent rips my heart from my chest, I can't breathe, why would he email me, and how did he email me? I debate deleting it but it's too late my hand is acting before I can engage my brain and it's open.
'Grace,
Congratulations on the role, you deserve it. I am so proud of you achieving your ambitions. I have so much I want to say but now isn't the time. I'm sure I'll see you at the lunch hall soon. Congratulations again.
Yours always,
Jace
Programmes Manager - Atlas publishing'

My head is spinning, he's here? He works here? Please god let his branch be separate to my own, how can I assist on his projects? After everything why?