Please Me Mommy +18 - ON HOLD

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You don't have to listen to this song, but I thought it'd fit well with Luca's situation and...the whole chapter atmosphere. (I can't seem to upload the video, but it's called Everything I Need, the Aquaman track) I'm bad at this😫🙈

Sorry if I made you cry or angry...🤭enjoy...

And oh my God, I live for your comments.🤣🤣Honestly, they make my day. Please, keep them coming...

Chapter's 3700+ words. Would have been more, so I split it into two...Not finished with the second one, otherwise I would have blessed y'all with a double update. It's currently 2:42 am and I can barely keep my eyes open...😫😴

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| Luca |

We...uhm," I began, after what felt like forever. I gestured for Raven to sit next to me, helping her up from the floor. She obliged without question and instead gripped my hand with both hers, squeezing lightly to offer comfort. "Shaun and I...we lied to you," I admitted shamefully. "About what...happened to me when I was in hospital," I eyed her.

"Okay," she was calm, no sign of sadness. "Then...what really happened baby?"

"Something...traumatic," I let out shakily, not wanting to meet Raven's eyes. Her hand was firm and comforting. It was enough to keep me going as the memories swirled in my head.

"Baby, you don't have to talk about it if it's-"

"I want to," I said quickly, swallowing. "I-I need you to know. I mean," I focused on one spot in this room. "We've been...friends for a long time and I feel like it's wrong that I kept this from you," I admitted. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize. You would have told me if you wanted me to know at that time," she said softly. "It's okay. Don't apologize," I nodded with a wobbly smile. "Whenever you're ready. Don't rush yourself,"

How do I even begin to tell her about this...traumatic experience without reliving it? Without feeling...worthless all over again. The more I think about it, the more I feel like all my years of hard work to get where I am today, are slipping away. All the time and effort Shaun put up to help pick up the pieces and mend me again. They're all slipping away and I'm scared that now that Sienna has decided to show herself again, I'd fall into that dark pit again.

It's pathetic how I can just crumble at the sight of the red hair. It makes me weak; even after convincing myself that she'll never hurt me again. I still...get scared. Luca Las still gets scared at the mere sight of that...woman.

I can't even begin to think how Raven will think of me after she finds out. Maybe she won't like me. She'll also think I'm weak. I'm weird.

"When..." I swallowed, taking in a deep breath. "When Shaun and I introduced...a third person into our relationship, we thought that...it'll be a balance and I'll get to have a Submissive of my own. And for the first two times, it did. I mean, I think it did, because in the end of it all...they fell in love," I said almost inaudibly. "With Sh-Shaun and...not me,"

"He was their dream man and...he was everything that they wanted in a man. I was...me. I was just there," I said heaving. "For a long time I thought that something was wrong with me. I was trying too hard and I ended up pushing them away. They'd call me weird and...other names," Raven squeezed my hand, not saying anything.

I moved quickly to wipe the tears trickling down and took a deep breath.

"Then this...woman named Sienna Marie came. We met her at the club. She was a regular and she was a switch," I stood up, feeling the need to move.