The skies look extremely perfect at night, that's why I enjoy standing here by the roof deck, gazing at the moon surrounded by a few stars that together light up the night as I let my mind go on and drown with thoughts.
Our mv has only been released around 2 hours ago, yet the hate raged like a tidal wave.Yes.I'm looking at the comments section of our own video.
"What is a girl doing on a boy group?"
"The group is already bad, adding the girl makes it the worst"
"Has SM gone broke to the point they'd release a petty group?"
"SM is nuts, debuting a group of untalented kids"
"Ew is that a Filipino?"
"Only two of them looks good, the rest are hideous!"
"Look at them acting boastful!"
"That girl is so ugly she should just die!"
Are we untalented?am i..untalented?ugly?unworthy of my position?I trained hard for this.Is it not enough?Should I've just stayed home?
Sigh.
I knew they'd say all those but..Do they really have to tell me that I should just die?Are they that disappointed at me to just say that?
"Gwaechana?", I was startled at the sudden voice.I immediately turned off my phone, "Aniya, I'm okay", he raised his brow, still unconvinced, "It's okay to tell me"
"I'm fine Jisung"
"Whatever you say Sky"
They began giving that nickname for me ever since they saw me often taking pictures of the sky. "We'll debut as part of dream soon", I nodded. "the youngest members of dream"
"Are we stargazing tonight?!", I heard Chenle shout from the doorway before yelling for the others downstairs.
"I brought blankets!", I heard Doyoung-oppa shout, waving it around"Why did you even brought those?It's not like we're in a sleepover!", here they go again.
"Then go ahead and lay on the floor Donghyuck", the other one fired back.These two are always like this.
"So we just stare at the sky and what?", then they all turned to me, "sky's up there", was that supposed to be funny?
"Nah, I like looking at this sky more"
Awkward silence followed. "Jaemin-ah, we know you like flirting, but please not to her", I just laughed.
My phone rang, my mom's video calling me.I stood up before waving my phone, "Eomma's calling, I'll be right back"
"Hi ma, bat kayo napatawag?"
[Hi mom,why did you suddenly call?]
"Andilim naman dyan!Di kita makita!"
[It's so dark there!I can't see you!]
"Bat ka napatawag?"
[Why did you call?]
She'd normally message me first to at least inform me in case I'm in either a meeting or during practice. It must be important enough for her to call me first.
"Oh there!We watched your video!Aba bakit
naman ganoon ang ilaw, di naman kita nakita ng maayos"
[Why is the lights like that, I can't see you well]
"May gagawin pa ako ma, may kailangan ka bang sabihin?"
[I have something else to do mom, do you need to say anything?]
I lost the excitement on continuing the call upon hearing her impressions about it. After seeing those comments I could've really used some praises..
I guess even my mother's not impressed by it..
"And why? Is that more important kesa
sa sarili mong nanay?"
[Is that more important than your own mom?]
Aaand.. There it goes.. I'm not really in the mood to get into a fight with her.. Specially with things like these.
"Ma, pagod kasi ako..I'm sorry may sasabihin ka pa ba?"
[Mom, I'm tired, do you have anything to tell me?]
"Ahh Valerie!I'm telling you, pag iyang pangarap mo
bumagsak!Hay naku uuwi kang luhaan sinisigurado ko sayo!"
[Once your dream fails!Ah you'll come
home crying I assure you!]
Sigh. All those months and they still don't like this pathway for me.. Can't I just get support from them? Or can they at least not mention about it failing?
"Okay ma, bye, ingat."
[Okay mom,bye, take care]
I decided to hung up right after.
Even without the direct words.I can feel from her voice that she just wants me to quit.I haven't talked to my father since I started preparing for debut.He probably thinks that I wouldn't managed to make it in 5 years.
Even though I debuted, I'm praying I make it longer than that..
"Gwaenchana?", I moved to the right-side of the stairs. "I don't know", I honestly just want to sleep.Hoping that tomorrow will bring me something better. I glance at him as he sit beside me, "It's just hard", I said, hunging my head low.
I took a deep breath before replying, "It's hard to fit the standards", I sighed. "You know.." "..I read it somewhere", I looked at him, eager to know it. "That, if you can't fit on the standards, you have to make a new standard", "because the first one is too small for you, so you make a new one", he added.
"How do I do that?", he shrugged, "Be you", I sighed before standing up, smiling."The others are waiting", I told him before walking back to the roof deck.
"Renjun-gege, where's the water?", I heard Chenle saying something in mandarin. "Renjun-ah the water, you said you're gonna grab some", Donghyuck said, motioning to the guy's empty hands.Did he forgot because he was comforting me?
I held Renjun-oppa's arm before telling the others, "I'm gonna help him"
"Let me help too!"
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We're currently on our way to film The 7th sense at Music Bank.I'm filled with excitement and nervousness with how the public would further react.What if I trip on stage?Or slip?Or get a note or lyric wrong?
Aish I'm going crazy just by thinking about it.
We immediately went to the dressing room, I took the clothes one of the staff hung on the hook behind the door.There was a yellow printed pull over, worn beneath the printed white t-shirt, with black leggings paired with a black vans.The same ones I wore on the mv.
I went out and sat on the chair to get my makeup done.My hair was slightly curled to give more volume.The look is very natural, considering my age well.
"Yeorobun, you're up in 20 minutes, ppali ppali", I nodded looking at Sora-eonnie through the mirror.I was soon done so I moved to sit on the couch to wait or the others. "You nervous?", I nodded.I can do this.If I managed to perform infront of EXO and Red Velvet sunbaenims back then, I'll make it now.
"NCT U, 10 minutes", a staff told them.I saw the others finishing up, so we started heading to the backstage.
I was surprised to hear screams from random girls outside.Okay, now I'm scared. "Who?", I asked, turning to Mark, who just shrugged before patting my head "fans".You mean, we have fans?Really?Probably the boys but me, nah.
"NCT U, proceed to the stage", the PD's voice was heard.We immediately went to the stage and checked the mics.All good.
The screams got loud.I just smiled.Even though I'm sure they went here for the boys, it gives me slight encouragement.
The song started playing, it was going smooth,the cheers, the choregraphy.My part came and suddenly, some started shouting "boo".It felt sad not gonna lie, but as I thought myself, the show must go on.
I continued putting up a great front through out the performance, ignoring the booing from before.I mean, why become a fan when you hate a member of the group.
We bowed and thanked the 'fans' who came.It was exciting to finally get to perform onstage.The performance will be aired tomorrow, I'd want to watch it.
I let out an exhausted sigh before going out of the van. "Hyunjae and Mark, you two will be moving in with the Dream soon, you have to pack up now so you could move tomorrow.You'll be having schedules with them by next week", well this should be fun.Just finished filming a stage performance with U and now I have to move in to Dream so we can prepare for the debut.Regardless of the exhausted feeling, I nodded and bowed to her before entering the dorm.
"Aww, the babies are leaving!", I just laughed at them before reaching for some water.They became silent but was broken when Ten,since that's his stage name, spoke up.
"Don't worry about them too much Jae, you performed really well", they began agreeing to his statement as I force another smile and nod.
Author's POV
"I pity the girl, the fans only boo on her part", Taeyong said, once Hyunjae has climbed the stairs, sadness and disappointment on her eyes.
"Jisung said he caught her reading the comments on the mv", Mark added.Gloomy atmosphere filled the dorm, full of pity for the young foreign girl who only wanted her dream to come true.
"I don't even understand why they hated her, she sang well, she danced better than Doyoung, and she rapped well too!"Jaehyun said, frustrated.Doyoung just glared at him.He's been with her since the girls first day, and has seen how talented the girl is, the reason why she's with NCT.
"Exactly!She's versatile!Even though she trained at such a young age and given a short time, she managed to perform well!", Ten added, understanding the fact that girl is also far from her home.She managed to be professional enough to put her work first and let her emotion aside.
"Should I just break their necks?", Doyoung playfully suggested in an attempt to lighten up the mood.
"She's going through all those hate since trainee days.I pity her so much.", Jaehyun said again.The others nodded,agreeing.
"If only they see her the way we do", Mark softly said as he imagined how dreadful she must've felt after going through such spiteful crowd.
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this chapter has been proofread and undergone minor editing, don't forget to vote for The Oddball!
-author