#12
Madelyn's POV
Bleu and Mack lead me into the station. While we walk towards the back I look around. To the right there are a bunch of pictures lined up, with 'Fallen Heros' in writing above. Assuming the pictures are of police officers that have died, I look for Cole's dad. He just happens to be the first one.
'Officer Hart' it reads. I briefly take in his looks due to the fact that we're still walking.
He looks just like Cole. Or I guess Cole looks just like him. His green eyes striking yet soft. And his dark brown hair, highlighted with shades of caramel and gray. He wears a straight face with a slight smirk. The same smirk that Cole always wears. Dimples piercing his aged cheeks. Divots lining his forehead and smile from age. The same divots leading from the outer corner of his eyes out, from years of smiling. He looks happy even without smiling.
We round a corner and come to a glass door lined with windows, their shades mostly closed. A man stands in front of the door, his face dusted with white stubble and his black short hair interlaced with white. He wore a suit, making himself more professional.
"Hi, I'm SSA Denver with the FBI. I'm going to be taking your statement" he extends his hand towards me.
I grasp it firmly and shake it, offering him a fake smile, not quite being capable of being happy, "Madelyn".
After he releases my hand he opens the door. Gesturing me in, I look back at Bleu and Mack, uncomfortable going into a room with a man alone.
Or any man that I don't know for that matter.
Yes I understand that women sexually assault too. But I wasn't attacked by a woman.
Every time I'm anywhere I always think I see him.
At school
Going grocery shopping.
Getting gas.
I turn off the ignition and take a deep breath before stepping out of my car. Grasping my debit card in my right hand and my phone in my left.
I slide my card in and out of the slot, not quite looking at it. The pump asks me to enter my pin. I type it in quickly, accidentally typing it in wrong and having to do it again.
As soon as the gas starts pumping into my car, another car pulls up to the pump next to me. I watch carefully, yet never see his face. The only thing I notice is his blonde hair matching the hair of him.
My heart beat quickens with correlation to my breath. I shakily, yet quickly, walk to the drivers side and slide in. Locking the doors behind me. The noise causes the boy to turn and look at me.
It's not him.
I let out a long shaky breath before getting out of the car and making my way back to the pump to finish with my gas, my heart not quite back to normal yet.
When I was completely finished with getting gas I slid back into the drivers seat and buckled my seat belt.
It's bad enough that I almost saw him tonight. I don't need to get into a car accident and die too.
I pulled my phone out and started texting the number that Karie had given me a while ago.
Hi, it's Madelyn. I was wondering when we could set up an appointment.
It takes her a couple minutes to respond. But I wait.
How about Monday at 4:00?
It takes me a little bit to think through my schedule, but eventually I remember that all my classes and swim practice are done by that time.
That works for me. Thank you so much.
Of course
I start my drive back to my apartment doing my best to focus on driving and not the pounding heartbeat in my stomach that makes me want to pull over and throw up. I know that I'll most likely be fine, but for some reason, my anxiety doesn't know that.
I recall everything that happened to me that night, leaving out the part where Cole beat the guy to a pulp, as well as everything after that.
Every once in a while I needed to take a break, the events of that night as painful as ever. Sometimes, I wish that I had been one of his victims that night. I wish that Cole hadn't stepped in and saved me. This attack brought back all the pain that I have been working so hard to deal with. It's been 10 years, but this brings everything back stronger than it was before. I know I should be grateful, but all of this would be a lot easier if he would've just finished what he intended to do.
"I only have one more question for you" he explains.
I nod my head, showing my understanding.
"What were you wearing that night?"
The questions takes me by surprise.
"E-excuse me" I stutter out.
"I was just wondering if you were wearing anything provocative"
"Why does it matter what I was wearing?" I question him, still confused on the relevance to what he said.
"I was just going to suggest that next time you go out that maybe you should wear something that isn't revealing"
Is he suggesting that this is all my fault?
I stand swiftly and make my way towards the door. Bleu and Mack are waiting right outside but I ignore them and walk as quickly as I can towards the exit. I just want to get as far away as possible.
Is this all my fault?
I know I already said it wasn't.
But I was the one that decided to walk home.
The fresh air hits me like a brick wall.
My heart pounds in my ears, blocking any other noise. Everything starts to spin around me. A sudden pain starts in my chest, I clutch my heart using both of my hands. I do my best to diminish the pain, but it only gets stronger.
"Madelyn?"
Someone grips onto my arm doing their best to steady me. I'm unable to see them due to my blurry vision and the world spinning around me.
"Breathe"
I do my best but the air still rakes through me unsteadily.
After a couple minutes I finally calm my breath. And for the first time since I got outside, I can see clearly.
I can see clearly now the spinning has gone.
Okay now is not the time.
I look to my right and see Bleu bracing me up as well as Mack on my left.
I regain my composure and stand up straighter.
It was just a panic attack.
"It's my fault" I mutter, referring to the attack.
"What?" Bleu asks.
"The reason I was attacked. The FBI agent suggested it was because I was dressed provocatively. And I was, my friend really wanted me to wear this outfit and so I did. But if I hadn't then maybe he wouldn't have done it at all. This is all my fault" I ramble.
"The guy questioning you told you that?" Mack questions.
I nod my head once. She stands immediately and walks back into the building angrily. I can vaguely hear her yell inaudibly.
I sit down on the pavement shortly followed by Bleu.
"This isn't your fault" she says, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "it was his choice to attack you. It isn't because of what you were wearing or anything you do. It's going to take some time to realize that. But look at me."
I turn my head and look into her honey colored eyes.
"Madelyn, this is not your fault" she emphasizes.
Her and I sit in silence until Mack gets back.
"He was fired and there will be a new agent assigned to your case" Mack explains to us.
"Can you take me home?" I ask.
She nods and motions towards her the car.
***
The car ride is silent. My thoughts unable to calm.
What would have happened if I would've just stayed at the party and waited for Cara.
I still haven't explained any of this to her and I'm not ready to yet.
Will she be mad I kept it from her for so long?
There's not a single person I can talk to besides my new therapist that I don't even know if I can trust.
But obviously my judgement on who to trust is messed up because I trusted Cole.
I don't know why I did. There's just something about him that makes me want to tell him everything. All of my childhood trauma. All the issues I still struggle with on a daily basis. All of it. But I know that I shouldn't.
He's just a player and will never be anymore than that.
I understand he has his own family stuff going on, but that doesn't change the facts.
"Thanks" I say to the two women before shutting the car door closed.
I enter and go straight for the elevator. I press my floor and wait for the doors to close. Just as they start I heard someone call my name.
I look up and see Cole running towards the elevator. I look away not wanting to see his face.
Sadly he makes it into the elevator just before the doors closed. Which makes sense considering he's an athlete.
"Maddie" he said turning towards me.
I glance at his soft eyes before looking at the wall.
"What's wrong?" He asks, reaching out towards me.
I feel his finger tips brush against my upper arm. I flinch away from his touch.
"Don't touch me"
Just then, we reach our floor and the doors open.
I push past Cole and go right for my door. Assuming Cara is still out, I grab my keys and fiddle with them trying to grab the right one. My hands continue to shake with anger.
"Madelyn" Cole says behind me. I do my best to ignore the perfect way my name rolls off him lips.
Before I can get the keys into the door, it flies open. Cara stands in front of me, "where the hell have you been?"