A/N: I just found out that my last day of school is June 17th. I can't wait for me to have even more time to be lazy and actually go weekdays without having to do homework.
Help, I'm having so many ideas for this but all of them can't be executed unless it's a series instead of a oneshot. (Like how there is a pretty big chance this is getting an unplanned pt 2 in the unforeseeable future)
Warning(s): This is decently sad. I've been in a constant state of "I'm either writing super fluff or mega angst."
The heart monitor beeped steadily as Peter laid unconscious on the bed. A grim reminder that a member of the Avengers was in a critical condition; a member of the team of superheroes who could do anything.
He had been out for a couple of hours at this point, but Bruce said that he should wake up by the morning if it wasn't too late. If they weren't too late. The injuries he sustained would've killed a normal person, but luckily for Peter—if you could even say that—he wasn't a normal person. His powers kept him on the brink of death, kept him from dying. But he also wasn't getting better. And if he was, it was taking too long.
You watched as May sat in the chair next to him, clutching her nephews hand tightly in her own. Tony had sent a car for her the moment they were on the quinjet speeding back to New York, the man himself was pacing the floor by the end of the bed.
"All right, we're coming up on the drop point." Steve announced, pulling back from the screen next to Clint with the coordinates. "Everyone remember the-"
"Yes, I think everyone remembers the plan. You've drilled it into our heads at least fifty time in the past two hours, Cap." You interrupted him. Most days you wouldn't, but you heard his voice repeat the same directions too much for your liking, and you were fresh from detention. He had already unknowingly struck a nerve. Steve sent you a hard look because of the attitude before his gaze softened and he sighed, continuing.
"Natasha, you're our intel agent. Bucky's going to be there to watch your back, the two of you rush through and don't worry about us. Vision and Sam, you're perimeter. Me and Wanda are keeping the main fight on the ground with us, Clint and Tony, you guys get them from above. Bruce, you monitor our activity from in here and tell us if anything changes. There shouldn't be need for a Code Green." Steve summed up the plan before turning back towards where you and Peter were standing together. You were standing with an annoyed expression across your face, your arms crossed angrily while Peter was just happy he was going to be able to be in the field with the Avengers. "You two remember what you're doing?" He asked the question on purpose, just to make you repeat it.
"Keep our distance, take care of the stragglers." You repeated flatly, Peter bouncing from excitement.
"Good. We're all on the same page." Tony clapped his hands together. "Let's go get this show on the road."
You kept Wanda from consoling you. You had too much on your mind, and as much as it might help, you didn't want her to pull forward some good memories, calm you down just enough that you would relax and not slowly tear yourself apart for what happened to Peter.
Because this was on you.
If it wasn't for you, Peter's aunt wouldn't be crying, waiting for her nephew to wake up. Tony wouldn't be pulling his hair out, finding ways to blame himself for Peter getting hurt. The rest of the team wouldn't be standing in the same room in different clumps, giving each other space, in silence, thinking about the chance that this could possibly be the time Peter didn't wake up.
That this could be the day they lost a member of their team.
"This is stupid." You grumbled to yourself as you kicked a man in the gut; the only person you've encountered the entire mission, sending him backwards to where Spider-Man knocked him out with one solid punch, webbing him to the ground so when he woke up he wouldn't go anywhere.
"Yeah, but it's something," Peter heard, of course he heard, and he stepped forward to stand next to you, the both of you looking in opposite directions, just in case, so nobody could catch the two of you off guard.
As if anyone really was coming.
Cap had said to stay behind for stragglers, but what that really meant, was that him and Tony had stationed you and Peter at the main entrance. If any of the bad guys were going to try and fight, they would use the side doors because that would bring them to the fight quicker. And if there was any chance they would use the main doors, Sam or Vision would take them out before they could step through.
The rest of the time, you and Peter were just kicking your feet against the floor, ignoring the urge to try and find danger.
It was so tempting, you could literally hear the battle coming from around you, the gunfire and punches landing, you could see Wanda's red wisps, Iron Man's yellow-white beams. Both over the comms and from the room no more than fifty feet away; where it was all going down.
You glared at Peter, who for some reason, wasn't arguing your side, protesting with you. Every single time the team went out for missions, the two of you would always get left behind, even after trying to tag along on missions, because you knew you could do something. But now that the both of you actually were on a mission, now that you have a chance to fight but they won't let you, he's just accepting it.
"Look, I know you have the whole Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man thing going on, where you go out and fight crime nearly everyday, but some of us, I'm talking about me if you didn't know, don't get to leave the base or see any action at all." You spat out, making him turn his head towards you. "They're treating us like kids! We can hold our own."
"But we are kids-"
"You can't say that, because that's not what you were thinking with that whole Vulture thing in September."
"I-"
"Ah, do I hear young people losing focus?" Tony's voice crackled over the comms before a grunt from him was heard being pushed back into a wall. "Sounds like you aren't committed to the mission."
"Leave us alone, you dignified trash can." You shot back, seeing the white eyes on the Spider-Man suit widen in time with Peter's eyes at the insult. "You did this on purpose, so your precious kids wouldn't get hurt!"
"No, this is actually the way we ease every agent into the field." Steve responded on Tony's behalf, knowing what the man would've retorted with, and it wouldn't have helped the situation. "You need to prove you can do the little stuff before we go and put your lives on the line."
"Then you should've had us on lookout duty watching Nat's back instead of Bucky!" You argued, shrugging off Peter's hand as he tried to keep you in place, and instead you started walking around. "Give us an important job, instead of basically telling us to sit here and look pretty."
"In that case, I think you're doing a really good job..." Peter said softly, but you didn't hear him over the exasperated groan you let out when Vision started on how in reality, this was also a lookout job.
"All right kids," Natasha's voice appeared smooth and unwavering. "I'm all set here, but we need to get out now. We have company."
"She's right." Surprisingly, Bruce spoke up. Usually he was silent, always trying to distract himself from the fight. "We have other aircraft, three at least. Who knows the amount of people each are holding. It's too risky to stay. If you have the intel, get out now."
You sighed, your face still set with anger, and you found Peter, his gloved hand outstretched towards you for you to take. He knew that getting you back on the quinjet probably would've been the best thing to do at the moment, so you could get angry up there without the risk of getting caught.
But then you heard an explosion.
You hadn't spoken a word about how you felt to anyone. You refused too. Too many emotions were running through your head, too many for you to be able to to focus. To sleep.
Pepper had forced everyone to go to bed, literally having to drag Tony away from the unconscious boy, reassuring him that Peter would be okay. His heart was strong, so were his lungs. His brain showed no signs of damage, he was going to be okay. But still, everyone wanted to be there when he woke up, just to make sure.
You stole Clint's move and snuck out of your room by pulling yourself up and into the vents, knowing that if you opened your bedroom door and walked in the hall, you would alert everyone else. Because like you, they probably weren't sleeping, but knew they should be.
No one held the guilt like you did. Not even Tony. It was your fault, and solely your fault. Tony and Steve knew what they were doing, what was best for the two of you, but you refused to listen to them. And it wasn't even you who suffered. You should've been the one to suffer.
You dropped down just outside the lab, your footsteps near silent as you walked into the sectioned off part of the room where Peter was still sleeping.
You stared at him, his chest rising and falling in spaced out shallow breaths. Biting your cheek, you reached over and pushed his hair from where it was against his head, now dry from where it was previously matted against his skin from sweat and blood.
"You brave idiot," you muttered under your breath, tightening your jaw and gulping as you took the seat May had sat the last couple hours in. "So stupid."
You felt like you had to make sure he was okay. Make sure he woke up. Because it should've been you. You should've been the one in that bed.
But then again, if you were the one in that bed, you would've been dead hours ago.
"Is everyone okay?" You could hear the panic in Sam's voice as the rumbling started, you and Peter quickly finding your footing and standing up.
You let out a breath of relief as everyone sounded off. They might've gotten a little hurt, but they were all alive.
"They took out most of their own men with the explosive, but they're dropping more. Falcon, Vision, we need the backup."
Your heart flipped from opportunity. "We can help—!"
"No!" Tony shouted firmly before you can finish. "Get to the jet with Banner. You and Spider-Man. Now."
You bit your tongue, holding back the millions of things you wanted to say. "Come on Y/N," Peter's voice was low, so that only you and the comms could pick up what he was saying. "It's for the best. They can handle it."
Another explosion.
"Come on!" Peter grabbed your hand and pulled you with him toward the door. As much as you didn't want to leave, you started to go with him.
The sun was harsh, the beams of light that made it past the thick forest blinding you as you stepped out of the dim hidden base and into the woods. Bruce and the quinjet was two miles northeast. Peter started to pull you closer, and you knew he was going to swing you so the both of you could get there faster than on foot. But the both of you stopped when the building behind you started to collapse on itself, none of the team visibly out of danger yet.
"Y/N, no." Peter started firmly as you pushed him away, tugging out of his grasp. "They're going to be okay, we need to go—"
"Does it look like they're okay?" You cut him off, your voice filled with panic, the fear rising above the anger. "They're going to be buried alive, we need to help!"
Peter stayed still, you could only picture the pleading look he was giving you beneath the mask, and it bugged you how clearly you could see it in your mind. Shaking your head at him, you ran in the opposite direction, towards the collapsing base.
You didn't get very far before you nearly tripped, feeling your body being pulled back. Before you could fall though, you landed into Peter's chest. You opened your mouth to argue as he forcefully turned you around, but your sounds were muffled by his lips cutting off your own. It took too long for you to register what he was doing, because by the time it was over, you heard him whisper "I'm sorry," before you felt Peter send you flying backwards into some bushes, you only catching a glimpse of him pulling his mask down and then running into the burning base.
Hurt and confused, you started to stand up. But it was too late. The biggest explosion of them all came, and you watched as the entire roof fell, the walls crumbling down.
You gasped as you heard broken screams from over the comm in your ear, your hands flying to your mouth and tears starting to fill your eyes from both your emotions and the smoke filling the air.
"Som...dy...Peter!"
"He's...apped."
"Wanda!...lp!"
You were planted to the ground, watching as the fire still burned brightly and sent out heat waves. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the doors, watching and waiting, ignoring the commands asking if anyone had sights on you.
It felt like an eternity when in reality you were only standing out there two minutes. Two minutes before you saw Natasha, Clint, Bucky and Steve burst out of the barely standing doors, coughing and covered in soot but running full speed towards you. Vision, Wanda, Sam and Iron Man took to the skies. You searched for Peter, before you finally saw him. The red blob laying helplessly in Tony's arms as Iron Man raced through the air with him in the direction of the quinjet.
You heard the shouts, telling you to run, but you couldn't. Peter knew.
Peter knew.
You felt your body being lifted from the ground, metal arm wrapping around your back, flesh under your legs, and then the feeling of movement.
Bucky caught your eyes, sending you a sympathetic look as you started to sob, burying your head in his shoulder as your trembling arms wrapped around his neck.
"Y/N." The sound of May's tired voice made your head shoot up. "Sweetie, it's four in the morning, why aren't you in bed?"
You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut and forcing them back open as much as they wanted to stay closed "I'm so sorry May. This is my fault..." you spoke to her for the first time since the mission. You could feel her frown before you even looked up as if it was it's own look boring into your head and forced yourself to meet her eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed. "I shouldn't have—"
"It isn't any more your fault than Peter's. If anything, it's Tony Stark's fault. He should've known better than to let two teenagers go on a dangerous mission." She walked over to the chair, placing a hand on your shoulder, her eyes landing back on the peaceful boy.
"It wasn't supposed to be dangerous!" The words came out abruptly. "No one knew about the backup coming, we don't even know who these guys are. We knew there was enough in the base for the team to take out safely, no one knew about the bombs." You inhaled shakily. "He wouldn't have- he wouldn't be like this if I had just listened to Tony. Steve. Listened to him."
"Y/N—"
"He saved me, May," you told the woman, her eyes opening a little wider at the words but then settling back down because she knew that's the type of person Peter was. "He saved me, because he knew if I went in there, I would've died. He went in there to save me, instead of staying safe outside."
May didn't say anything about Peter or the mission, instead pressing a kiss to your hair and speaking softly. "You should get some sleep. I promise I'll wake you up when he does."
Your head felt like lead as you nodded and you stood up. You knew she was right, you were nearing twenty-four hours without sleep, but you didn't want to leave. You stepped in the direction of the open doors that led out of the lab, but not without accepting the tight hug May pulled you into. You were grateful for her. Ever since you met Peter, she stepped in as a parental figure for you as well. She thought of her as much as her daughter as Peter was her son.
"Clint, get us in the air." Natasha's voice was low and dark as she spoke the command, sliding into the copilot's seat to help him.
"Bruce!" Tony yelled. "Bruce, help us!" He fell to his knees, carefully laying Peter down on the ground, the ramp closing the second after Steve, you and Bucky stepped on.
"What happened? Are-are you guys okay?" The man scrambled up and rushed to get to where Peter and Tony was, the boy moaning softly, barely hanging on to consciousness as Tony ripped off his mask, having F.R.I.D.A.Y. scan his body to see what was wrong exactly. "Oh my god," Bruce gasped when he saw Peter on the ground, jagged piece of pipe piercing his side.
"He's lost at least a liter and a half of blood. Peter, stay with us." Tony said quickly. "We need to get him back to the Compound now, so we can remove this safely. He got trapped yanking Wanda and Natasha out of the way. Tell us what we can do to keep him awake."
"Uh, I-I think-" Bruce began to stammer but Tony raised his voice.
"Tell me right now!" Tony shouted. "What do we have!"
Bruce jumped, but caught himself, standing back up and flinging open the emergency first aid kit. "I- some adrenaline. There's nothing else I can do right now. Not here,"
"Give it." Tony demanded, exiting the Iron Man suit and hasitly patting Peter's cheek. The boys eyes responded, fluttering, glimpses of brown through his eyelashes. "Come on kid. Come on Peter, keep your eyes open."
There was a quick knock on your bedroom door and you stood up, knowing it only meant one thing because it wasn't followed by a voice. Earlier, around six, Wanda knocked and asked if you wanted breakfast but you refused. This time, the door opened and you could read Wanda's face, her eyes told you everything, and you nearly ran out.
Your breath caught in your throat when you saw Peter awake and smiling. The team was already all in the room, both crowding around him but giving him his space, Tony and May being the only people directly next to him.
You felt relief; he was okay. Other than him still looking obviously tired, and a little pale from the blood loss, he was okay.
But then your gut dropped. You thought you would be able to face him, relax, now that you knew he was awake and alive, but as Wanda walked by you, her movement catching his eyes, he quickly found yours.
"Y/N," your name left his mouth in a surprised whisper, his voice gravelly and dry from hours of not using it.
You suddenly felt terrible, worse than you have been feeling this entire time, because while you were happy, you were also mad at Peter, as much as that also made you feel like a horrible person; being mad at the boy who saved your life. You couldn't talk to him, as much as you also wanted too. The room went silent as all eyes turned to you, waiting for you to step forward. But you never did.
Instead, you turned around, only catching a brief glance of the hurt that cast over Peter's face before you found your way to the stairs, knowing that if you waited for the elevator someone would catch up to you and ask you to stay.