He expected it, Sungjae knew Joy won't give in that easily. And he's nowhere near complaining, if anything he's thankful because Joy said she'd think about it.
Although there's like 10% of Joy saying yes, he's going to give it a try.
Another thing is that he knew he's not yet worthy of meeting Areum. He's got nothing in him to brag about to Areum, and as long as he can recall, he's still a disappointment for Joy and Areum.
He's eager but he's not ready yet.
Sungjae's already learning his lessons and suffering the consequences of his bad actions. He knew to himself that decisions resulted by anger will never give a good outcome so he's gonna wait.
It's really going to be a long painful process but once Joy approves, it's all in him. He just needs to make the most out of it.
If Joy approves...
Because honestly, if Sungjae wants to be a memory for Areum, he'd like to be something that is beautiful, easy to look at. Fluttering to heart, earning a smile on her face whenever she remembers him. Someone that is delicate, trustworthy and comfortable to be around with. And easy to love, like a father for a daughter, a natural thing to do.
And if being an unknown stranger will enable him to do things for his daughter, he'd take all the chances in the world just to see her happy because of him. Remembering the time he wasted without Areum, he could just grimace. He could've been there, watching every period of her babyhood, seeing her grow and change and just be there, but he wasn't.
The ugly feeling consuming him and he's got nothing to blame aside from himself. It's too much for an already broken heart like him.
Knowing that for Joy, he's pain, anger and regret. For her, Sungjae's a heartbreak and all the other words to describe such hideous feelings. It's all on the other side, hopeless and undeniably hard to change.
But change is inevitable and so as development which is a continuous process.
He will surely change, it will take time but who is he to complain again?
He's not even trying to make Joy love him again because heaven knows he won't be good for her. He doesn't want to see her sad or crying upon remembering the memories he gave her.
Forgiveness that's all he wants.
Because surely, they can't be together anymore.
Flashbacks of how he dreamt of a beautiful home with him, Joy and their child, Areum, came down in his train of thoughts and also being slammed by the fact that it's never gonna happen.
That him and Joy, they can't be together because Joy loathes him.
Sungjae hasn't given much attention to his feelings to Joy anyway. Maybe because he knew there won't be a room for such feelings so it's better not to even dare and dig deeper.
But denying won't give him peace so he's just gonna accept the fact that it's there.
Zero percent chance but it's okay. Let it stay there because it's always been there anyway.
He will never push it, never plan on pushing it but let it stay there because it's a nice feeling.
Sungjae could only sigh.
The three of them would've been great together but he guess, those will only happen in his imagination.
So when his parents drop him by to the training center, his dad giving him a warm hug and his mom, although crying, gave him the most sincere kiss on the forehead.
"I'm sorry," he apologized for thousands of reasons, "I'll make you proud," he said.
ㅡ
Areum came back with the mothers on Sunday night. According to them, Areum already ate that's why she fell asleep on the way home and will probably wake up tomorrow.
Leaving Areum to rest on their room, she came back to the living room where the mothers are gathered.
"Our Sooyoung-ah come here," Minseo patted the space between her and Sora.
Joy gladly went there and hugged the older, engulfing the warmth they offer, they warmth she's been needing, "Look at our older baby," Sora joked but joined the hug while the other three watches them. "You look tired," Sora continued.
"And you are not okay, is there anything that's bothering our baby?" Jakyung took Joy's hands and massages it. Unlike the first day when they first met Joy, her soft and smooth hands is now a little rougher, the result of the young woman's hardwork.
"He came," Joy started and they can already tell how the younger is feeling. By the way her lips trembles and her eyes is already letting loose of those tears, they know she has been hiding a lot of pain and needs so much comfort for some time now.
"Who came?" Eungyung ask with her soothing voice.
Joy gulped down a sob, " Sungjae," she answered.
The mothers were immediately on alert, giving each other the looks of concern for the young woman. Their hearts are breaking because Joy looks like she's in so much pain and they couldn't even do anything to help her.
"Did he hurt you?" Minseo asked, rubbing calmness on Joy's back, she's nervous of Joy's answer and she's ready to fight if even the guy did really hurt Joy.
Joy just shook her head.
"Then what happened, baby?" Jinhee asked, giving Joy a handkerchief.
"I feel like I did something terrible again, Eomma," Joy started, "I wasn't suppose to make him think that I'm ever going to give him a chance because I will never!"
"But he looks so sincere and sad and then suddenly everything crumbles down. I'm so weak, Eomma-deul. So, so weak," Joy looked down, she's so embarrassed of herself that she can't even look at their eyes. She's fiddling on the handkerchief, feeling the way Minseo's arms rubs her back.
"I got swayed by his tears. It's just tears!" Joy continues, "He didn't even do anything yet and I'm all ready to give him a chance! I'm so stupid!" She frustratingly cried.
"What if he's going to hurt not just me but Areum too?! Eomma-deul it'll all be my fault! Areum shouldn't be involved!" She said, worry laced in her voice. "I'm never goona forgive myself!"
"Sooyoung-ah, calm down first okay? Yes, breathe like that," Eungyung went to the kitchen and took a glass of water for Joy to drink.
"I want to ask you what exactly he said and what you told him," It was Sora's soft voice.
"He wanted me to introduce him to Areum and I said I'd think about it," Joy answered.
"So it means you haven't given him an answer?" Jinhee asks and Joy shook her head.
"Oh sweetheart, you know you can always say no right?" Minseo said, making Joy sit up in a comfortable position.
"But still, I said I'd think about it when I could've just say no right away,"
"What made you say you'd think about it anyway?"
"Areum... That one time she got bullied because she doesn't have a father, the look on her face, I still see it sometimes. How sad and curious she is, I can't take it! And I know Areum wants to ask me about it but she's just too kind she chose to just shut it," she explains sadly.
"And even though it's too risky, there's a split second that my mind told me to trust him and that's when I say I'd think about it, for Areum's sake because I want her to be happy but now all I can think of is how bad of a decision it is,"
"Oh Sooyoung-ah, I'm so sorry you have to get through this, you deserve the best," Sora hugged the younger and Joy indulged herself to the comfort the older offers.
"All you have to do now is to trust yourself. You thought of so much what ifs in the negative perspective. 'What if he hurt us', 'What if he do the same mistakes again', but have you ever thought about what if he's a changed man now? What if he can make Areum happy? What if he can be the best dad just for Areum?"
"You will never know unless you tried right? But you can always say no if that's what you think is the best for the three of you." Jakyung held Joy's hands tighter.
What if... he can be the best dad just for Areum?
After all, Joy and Sungjae's story is different from Sungjae and Areum.
And thinking about it, maybe the reason why Joy, even for a split second, thought of giving Sungjae a chance is probably because before all the bullshit happened, he was actually a very good boyfriend.
Before the misunderstanding, the confusion, the blaming, the pain, before all of that, Sungjae is all flowers and sweet scents and warm comforter and coffee during rainfall.
He was all that rainbows and butterflies and hearts. That perfect and responsible boyfriend that every woman would love to take for themselves.
Maybe that's why she thought she could give him a chance.
"Sooyoung-ah, what are you thinking?" Eungyung started rubbing circles around Joy's shoulders when the latter didn't respond.
They're worried about Joy over thinking things because it always ends to self blaming.
"Sungjae said he's going to give me time to think of things," Joy started speaking again.
"I think you should just straight tell him you won't give him a chance," Sora said.
"No Eomma, I'd still think about it..."
ㅡ