The Daughter ↬ SUNGJOY [EDITING!]

➳ thirty-nine

"Hyung," Sungjae greeted sleepily after seeing who's been banging his door for 15 minutes long.

"You look like shit," Changsub greeted back, entering Sungjae's apartment which also smelled like shit, "What the fuck happened here?" The older questioned after witnessing the chaos of an apartment Sungjae lives in.

Sungjae had a sly smile on his lips before flopping down on his couch, "Celebration for my enlistment?" He answered as if he himself wasn't sure either. He rubbed his temple when a series of hard throbbing ensues. "My head hurts," Sungjae proceeded to complained.

Changsub could only glare at the younger, "And it will be even more painful after I knock some sense into it!" The older had his arms crossed in front of his chest, "Just what the fuck are you doing with your life?!" Changsub growled, not moving from his position in front of his dong-saeng. He's just so angry watching the young one wasting his life like there's nothing that he can do to change his life for the better.

"Hyung, please..." Sungjae replied, closing his eyes, hoping that the simple gesture will ease the pain in his head. He's also not in the mood for arguments, he just want to rest.

Changsub had no other choice but to calm down and throw himself next to the younger, seeing how awfully exhausted Sungjae looks,  "Just answer, what is this? I thought we made it clear that you're going to get them back? Why do you look like you've given up already?" Changsub tried his best to cover the worry in his voice just to be a little intimidating but it didn't work. Maybe because he's too worried.

"I didn't, don't worry," Sungjae sighed, "And I'm going to do my best, it's just that...I'm nervous," He answered truthfully.

With his eyes still closed, he continued, "I mean, looking back to all the things I did to her and...and to our daughter... I don't think those will be forgivable," Sungjae put his left arm above his eyes, hiding the growing tears that are about to fall. "I'm scared, Hyung." Sungjae admitted.

Changsub could only look at his miserable, post-drunk, crying mess of a dong-saeng, he doesn't know what to say either. Although he's on his side, he knows well that there's no guarantee Sungjae will get Joy's forgiveness. Somehow he understands why he's scared.

Sensing that Changsub isn't going to answer, he continued, "There's just so many things going on inside my head, Hyung. So many questions, so many what ifs, regrets and...and they're all too much inside! I feel like soon they're going to explode!" Sungjae starts to panic, "I'm going crazy! Hyung, w-what if Sooyoung and Areum disappear again? What if Joy never forgive me? W-what if Areum h-hates me? Hyung! I don't know what to do!" The younger started screaming.

"Yah! Calm down!" Changsub straightened his position, alarmed, "Stop thinking of the negative things, Sungjae-ah," He said in the best soothing voice he could muster. He knew that if he showed Sungjae how those questions made him worry too, it will only add up to the younger's hardship.

It was silent for a moment, only Sungjae's heavy breathings filled his apartment. The latter's so thankful for Changsub's presence, somehow it helped him to be in his right mind.

"Listen, I will never know exactly  what you're feeling right now but I want you to believe in yourself, okay?" Changsub did his best to sound as determined as he could.

"The last time I did, I made the most terrible mistake of my life," Sungjae replied dryly. All the trust for himself is long gone.

"Sungjae-ah," Changsub couldn't help but whine, "If you can't believe in yourself, how are you suppose to convince your family?  If you show them that you're unsure of what you're doing, do you think she'll give back her trust  to you? Your doubt will reflect your actions and I'm sure Joy will see it."