Sungjae is standing motionless infront of the huge mirror in the hotel he's been staying for the past week. He's looking to his face, to his eyes, his nose, his lips, to himself.
How could he?
How could he not take the signs of his own feelings? When he decided that he wanted to see Areum, ㅡthe little girl he thought was another man's child and yet he didn't mind, he should've questioned himself, right?
Whenever he sees the baby, he suddenly felt contented and complete, he should've been suspicious, right?
But he didn't. He accepted it without questions thinking that he will get over it soon.
The eagerness to see the baby is always on top of his priorities and yet he didn't notice.
Sungjae thought he maybe needs closure.
Or he wanted himself to see that he's not worth of anything at all. That maybe seeing Joy with her own family and Sohyun secretly meeting with her ex, maybe seeing those will make him move on and live a better life. That he will learn something from these experiences to use in the future.
Or maybe he wanted to justify the envy he felt for Hanseol. He wanted to see why he's been dying to be in Hanseol's place, why he wanted Hanseol's family. Why he's jealous.
He let the anger consume him, eat him up wholeheartedly when in the first place he shouldn't have felt it at all. He's not in the right place.
And that all along, that little, innocent and beautiful girl who unknowingly completes his day, makes his heart happy, make him feel as if the speed of his blood cycle doubles up, that Areum is his daughter. He owns her.
That everything he feels everytime he sees her isn't just a result of anger, jealousy, envy or the need for closure because it's all natural. Their connection isn't something to question.
It's a Dad thing.
He let the anger control him, make him do things that he's regretting now. The hateful actions he did. The poison of words he let to slip out of his mouth and throw it all to Joy.
God, Sooyoung...
Their last day came flashing back to his memories like a video tape. He can see her crying, begging for him to listen to what she's going to say, it's painful. Upon realizing how wrong he is, it's like his heart is being squeezed and he's just waiting for it to explode.
He clearly remember himself being a complete jerk, throwing words that surely wounded Joy and that wound will turn into a scar, staying with her forever.
He can't even imagine himself talking to Joy anymore. He feels so low. He's fully aware that he don't deserve any of Joy's time at all.
It's too late to regret now.
Just remembering all the things he did made him want to strangle himself, he wanted to vomit, he's so grossed out of himself and the way he acted. He's such a scumbag.
Sungjae winced. It's true that he would rather feel physical pain than emotional. The weight inside his heart is too heavy that he can't even breathe.
He's such a stupid, hateful, monster.
Worst than Hanseol?
Worst than Hanseol.
But he's already decided to make things right.
Atleast if Joy will let him.
ㅡ
After dropping Areum off to school, Joy had a little chit-chat with Jia before coming back to the shop.
She parked her car and pressed her keys to make sure it was locked. Joy turned around and was about to walk to the shop but someone's blocking her way.
It wasn't a matter of time how the bright expression on Joy's face turned into complete fury.
Sungjae noticed it, he felt completely embarrassed but he's determined to relay the news. He will try his chance.
Instead of asking questions, Joy choose to ignore him, continuing to walk pass him but Sungjae is quick to stop her by grabbing her arm.
It was a touch she never expected, making Joy bolted in surprise coated by irritation, "Don't touch me!" She yelled and Sungjae quickly retracted his hands. Biting his lips as he looked away, gulping nervously while Joy just glared at him.
Sungjae looks so defeated. He's not even fighting back, or being the jerk he is and it only made Joy angrier. "What do you want?! Why do you keep on coming here?!" She asked through gritted teeth.
It's a rare sight to see Sungjae being hopeless. And Joy didn't want to see it.
"I-I know I don't have even the slightest right to ask for this but please... Let's talk..." He successfully said the words even though he's stuttering. He knows it's too much to ask considering all the awful things he did.
Joy felt nervous. All of the sudden, Sungjae came to her, looking all helpless and defeated and she have an idea why but she pushed it all away.
Hanseol wouldn't do it. He knows he's not in the right place so Joy is sure he wouldn't do it.
He wouldn't, right?
"There's nothing to talk about," she replied, more of a statement rather than an actual answer, "I don't want your fiancee coming back here, causing trouble againㅡ"
"No," Sungjae interferes. "I... Sohyun and I already broke up," He wanted to remove Joy's uneasiness of conversing with him as to Joy thinks he's still in a relationship with Sohyun.
Joy was blank for a moment, digesting the information she just recieved, "O-oh," Joy didn't mean to stutter like that but she also lost control of her emotions sometimes, "Whatever. I'm busy. Stop bothering me,"
Joy was about to walk again but she made an immediate halt.
"Sooyoung I'm sorry"
Did she heard him right?
Yook Sungjae? Apologizing?
Sungjae was caught off-guard when all of the sudden, Joy laughed. His head snapped up, seeing Joy looking at him with an incredulous expression, "What are you trying to pull now? Seriously?" Joy scratched her forehead not because it's itchy but because she's getting really irritated, "Look, I don't have time for any of your nonsense. I have a lot of things to do. Just go away,"
"H-hanseol told me..." Sungjae said, fighting the urge to look away from Joy's gaze.
The way her eyeballs tremble made Sungjae feel as if Joy just confirmed it's true.
With trembling lips, Joy replied, "W-what did he told you?" She can feel her heart wanting to rip out her chest but she managed to focus through blurry vision.
"Everything."
Joy felt her own body trembling. The pace of her heartbeat increases as well as her breathing. Right then and there she wanted to pass out. She wanted to walk out. Or push him away. Or slap him! Anything that could make him go away and not come back ever again.
But there's so many emotions inside her, all messed up and painful, giving her all the courage to reply with such confidence, "And you believed him?"
Before he could even answer, Joy already spoke again, "Damn, of course you will believe him. You always do," she laughed bitterly.
Joy bit her lips, too hard that she can taste the metallic flavor invading her taste buds, "What exactly did he told you?" She asked boldly.
Sungjae couldn't read Joy's expression but he answered with such eagerness, "Hanseol told me thatㅡ that I'm Areum's father. Sooyoung-ah! I know now!" Sungjae, although there's still a worried expression on his face because of Joy, he can't hide the growing smile because of how happy he is.
The fact that they, Joy and Areum, is his family makes him even more happier! "Sooyoungㅡ"
"I told you that too..." Joy said in a low voice but the small smile on her lips is scaring Sungjae, "IㅡI told you that too, didn't I?" She felt as if fate is playing her again and she couldn't help but chuckle even though she could already feel her tears falling, "But you never believed in me..."
"Sooyoung-ahㅡ" the smile on his lips fades. Sungjae moved a step closer to Joy but she stepped back as quickly as she could. Sungjae wanted to brush away Joy's tears and hug her or do anything that will comfort her. He's also accepting the fact that he kept on denying to himself before. He didn't keep coming there to see Areum only but stealing some glances to Joy made everything more perfect.
But the look on the latter's face made his stomach turn.
Joy looks so disgusted of him.
"N-No! Don't call me that! Stay away from me!" She shouted, wishing that if this is a nightmare, she hopes Areum will wake her up with a kiss.
"Sooyoung I'm sorry," he couldn't stop himself from crying.
He messed up.
God, he messed up so bad.
"Why can't you just believe in me?" The anger and grudge is nowhere to be found on her beautiful face that is full of tears. There're only sadness on her eyes and pain on her expression.
She looked so tired and helpless and as much as he wanted to touch her, he knew for sure that Joy wouldn't want it.
"I'm so sorry," he still tried reaching out again but Joy only took another step back. He can feel feel her pain and he wanted to stop it but he doesn't know how.
"Sorry. Sorry. Fuck your sorry!" Joy shouted, "Can you hear yourself, huh? Can you even remember the things you did to me?! Your sorry wouldn't change anything, Sungjae! You already broke everything!" She cried out, her loud sobs are so painful to hear making it harder for Sungjae to pursue his reason of coming there.
"IㅡI broke yㅡyou too, didn't I?" It was supposed to be a question but it came out more like a statement because Sungjae himself already knows the answer.
"You ruined me," Joy answered bravely with a hint of anger.
Her words is enough to knocking out all the courage that Sungjae built.
He deserves this.
Joy already stopped crying. Feeling her own heart becoming of a stone.
There's a sudden change on the way Joy spoke, "So you know now, huh?" She sounds as if she's mocking him with a voice full of anger, Joy even showed him a smile full of bitterness, "So what? What does you knowing change?" She asked in such intensity making him look down in such mortification.
He couldn't answer her question. He's an idiot knowing for a fact that this talk won't go well yet he still did it.
When will he ever do something right?
"Tell me, Sungjae!" Joy challenges, looking at the guy who seemed so lost in his own train of thoughts, "Did you really think that because you know now... We will accept you?" Joy laughed, not caring at all if she looked like she lost her mind because she really did. Completely. "Wow, I can't believe you! You actually thought that once you've find out, all of your mistakes will be forgotten and then what? We will become a one big happy family?" She laughed like a madman and Sungjae could only feel himself sinking more and more.
Joy saw the flash of pain on Sungjae's face but she's too busy minding her own pain, "If that's how you think life works, you're wrong,"
She continued, "What now? Do you need more? You want me to introduce you to Areum?" She chuckled again, brushing away her tears roughly, "I fucking admire you're shamelessness but aren't you being too imaginative?"
"Please..." Sungjae mumbled. He doesn't know what he's begging for. For Joy to stop? For Joy to forgive him? For Joy to introduce him to Areum?
"How?" She continued on humiliating him, "'Oh! Areum-ah~! This is your Appa, Yook Sungjae! He was the one who left us when you're still on my tummy because he believed Eomma cheated and never listened on Eomma's explanation! He abandoned us instead of correcting Eomma's wrongdoings, he choose to give up on us! And oh! He also doubted that you're his own daughter!'," Joy acted and all the things she just said are like daggers thrown to Sungjae's heart.
"Is that how you want it? Then let's go! I'll introduce you to her right now!" She boldly make a move, grasping Sungjae on the arm but Sungjae won't bulge.
"Areum doesn't need you," Joy said.
Call her cruel and she won't ever mind. This is her way of protecting herself and Areum. Call her selfish, she don't care. She learned enough knowing that being selfish is better than being selfless.
"Yes. You are her father," Joy gulped down, feeling her own poison, "But Areum don't need a father like you in her life! She doesn't need someone who don't trust her! Someone who doesn't believe in her and will leave her all alone in pain because he doesn't have enough love for her! Areum doesn't need someone who abandoned her and believed she's not his own daughter! Someone who will end up hurting her for sure! No she don't need you Sungjae!" She's back to screaming and crying her frustrations out.
Sungjae felt so small. He felt so humiliated and hurt but he could only accept her harsh words. He remembered all of it. The day he asked her if the baby is his... Damn.
That's what he deserves anyway.
Joy walked towards Sungjae again, punching him hard on the chest, "You tell me, Sungjae!" She kept on punching him and he let her be. If that will make her feel better, he won't stop her.
Joy stopped, looking up on Sungjae and the guy looks on him too, both have their own miseries that they're only letting out now.
"Do you really think Areum needs a father like you?"
ㅡ
I didn't proof read again so if you notice any grammatical errors and misspellings, kindly highlight them for me so I can change it.
Lmao. There's not much changes. I only made it a little longer focusing on Joy's feelings.
Idk I feel a little better on this than the other one.
What about you?
Ps: omg :(((( road to 100k reads
W O W