Song: Ed Sheeran - All of the Stars
•••
The truth is in the skies,
No hiding from that power.
- Seeker ~via Instagram
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Aaron
The silence is deafening.
Looking through the fireplace, I chugged the remains of wine. The burn was bitterly familiar and as it worked it's way down my throat, it was taking me back to the times where I used to drown my sorrows.
I still do.
"You're not real," I wish I sounded more commanding, more convincing but I couldn't. I felt my shoulders drop in defeat and I closed my eyes tightly. It was hurting so fūcking bad. The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. My melancholy mood hung over me like a black cloud, raining my personal sorrow down on me wherever I went. She was here and yet she wasn't.
I have made a mess, trying to figure out what could have possibly been the worst thing in this life. It was a cruelty of life that forced one's heart to live even after it's broken. It could feel as though it was being gripped in an ice-cold vice and ache as if it will implode in your chest. This wasn't fair; this was not worth living.
There was no relief to be found.
At least the glowing embers of fire leaped to life. This was not just fire. It was death. It was a giant wave, a storm, rolling in on itself, undulating like some grotesque creature hell-bent on my murder. And it seemed like it was hurtling towards me at staggering speed.
This time she knelt in front of me, staring at me with eyes that asked so many questions. She wasn't here again. It was just another illusion. My mind was playing games with me because I have consumed so much alcohol again, I might not even recognise my face in the mirror.
But when I felt a hand pressed on my knee, I tried to shake the sense of how real it was but I couldn't. She was really here this time, I was not dreaming, I could feel her warmth.
To say she's beautiful undermined her. It was not enough. There weren't any words strong enough to describe how breathtaking she was. Her skin was like ivory shining even in the weak light. My body needed to possess her. I wanted to consume her soul, to bind it with mine so I know she's protected and touched only by me.
The glass slipped from my hold and I couldn't help but push closer to her. I closed my eyes and leaned down, nuzzling the space between her neck and shoulder.
I breathe.
"Ava." After all these months, I've said her name more than enough. It still came out of my mouth like a prayer, a curse, and a promise all at once. I could finally touch her again and my heart might not make it through this moment.
My puzzle piece just locked with hers and I was complete.
Her body tensed in my embrace and she doesn't move the whole time. I heard her sharp intake of breath as my hands slid back up her thighs and to her waist, and pulled her flush against me.
She gasped.
I just sat there, relishing her in my arms, enjoying every single seconds that passed with her against me. It was beautiful. Living felt a lot easier now.
Ava's voice was shaky, "Aaron, I'm-"
"Don't. Just let me," her shoulders relaxed instantly and I found myself pulling her even closer if that was possible. I wish I could just stay like this, her dainty body succumbed by my huge one.
I didn't know how long we stayed like this but every minute felt like heaven, I tasted peace in her embrace. Ava moved her head to look at me in the eyes, the proximity making nothing but harder for me to claim her.
I loosened my hold on her and she breathed, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against mine as if she was tired of fighting. I was just glad that she came back.
"You only want me when I refuse to be yours," she said quietly, bringing her fingers into my hair.
I shook my head, unable to find the best words on how much she was wrong. From everything I have put her through, I couldn't make her believe otherwise. It was the ironic situation that occurred perfectly with her thoughts. But if that was what she thought, then I wouldn't agree with her.
"No, tigrotto. You are wrong. I need you, I would never want to have you just because you refused. I know time has changed how you feel, but please, I need you." It was so difficult to express how I felt and I hoped she understood what I was intending.
Her long eyelashes fanned her cheeks when she blinked at me, sadness surrounded her irises. "I can't forget everything you have put me through," she reached to the hem of her tshirt and pulled it off, leaving only her bra on.
She pointed below her right breast and my head fell down, that fūcking night flashing in my head like a mockery of my mistakes. I was ashamed of myself and I knew that my pain was nothing compared to hers. She has suffered both mentally and physically; and yet she came out strong. I couldn't.
"I'm sorry. I know it won't change what I have done and I don't expect you to forgive me. But still, please forgive me." I wanted her to believe despite how pathetic I sounded.
Ava cupped my cheeks, her thumb wiping the wetness under my eyes which I didn't realise was there.
"I'm trying," she looked distracted, a tear escaping past her eyes. The way she was expressing herself felt like she didn't mean them but I didn't want to believe that. My tigrotto was trying to forgive me, even after knowing that there's still a monster chained inside of me which could unleash itself anytime it wanted.
And, that's who I am.
I could not erase that part of myself, it defined me, the ruthless mafia who savoured in the fear of people. It was the one that has built me from the past eight years. I wouldn't have existed without hanging onto it.
My hand traveled behind her back, tracing the bandages draped over her injuries. She flinched, pressing her lips tightly in an attempt to suppress the pain. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "I never allowed you to involve in my life. I didn't have the nerve to tell you my truth because I knew you will leave me as soon as you find that I'm a Mafia. Our lives were different."
"You started to become a distraction, you started to bring attention of my enemies upon yourself. You were ruining my purpose of coming to London. I came to kill my father, no more, no less. You didn't even realise the amount of times you could have died. They were always there, lingering behind the shadows, finding anything and everything that could be used against me. And then, they found you. At that moment, I wanted nothing but to finish my work and go back to where I belong."
"When you called me after I left you in Drake's home, I had a bullet in my arm. The second time when you came to my house, I was torturing someone in the basement. The instant I saw you in the cameras, I wanted nothing but you to leave but. . . I still came outside, opening the doors for you."
"I had to leave you, tigrotto. I should have done that way before, I guess it just was not in our fate but it was too late. That night. . . I was drunk and so high on drugs that I didn't realise it was you. It was the first time I punished someone because no one ever defied me, but it was you who did. And, I couldn't recognise the person behind the veil. My mother told me I was not doing right by you. Please forgive me, tigrotto. Give me a chance, I promise I will not mess up this time."
She looked at me and smiled. In spite of everything, she was smiling and fūck me if she didn't look the most beautiful woman in the world.
It has been a long time since I have seen her smile. For the first time, her eyes actually showed me everything I wanted to see but there was something else which I couldn't put my mind on.
"Okay."
"What?"
She shrugged, "Okay."
I gripped her waist and asked her again. "Okay? I mean you-"
She laughed, "Yes, I want to do this with you."
I didn't think twice.
I grabbed the back of her neck and crushed her mouth on mine.
•••
Ava
Aaron was making it harder. Everything I thought was falling down. I didn't expect him to confess all the reasons behind his acts, not that I didn't want him to. But he made it impossibly strenuous to go along with my hideous plan.
His lips were brutally moving against my lips. I tried to ignore the unusual shiver that travelled down my spine. I could feel his hand caressing my back to comfort me and surprisingly, they worked.
I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips and, at my grant of access, delved inside my mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of his wine being exchanged in the intermingling of our billowing breaths. My arms reached up and tangled around his thick, strong neck.
In an instant I had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against my own, before I drew back into his lips. I could nearly feel the slight burn of the wine as it rolled off my tongue and seeped down my throat with every push of his tongue against mine.
Our breaths were shaking when he pulled away. "Thank you," he said, his voice low and husky.
"For what?" I asked in barely more than a whisper.
"For trying to love me again." His voice wavered, exhilarated from the tension between us.
In that silence all of our secrets were laid bare, all of our passions and the spark of love that existed between us. In that moment, in his truth, I felt wrong.
When Aaron phone started to ring, he excused himself and went to answer the call. In the mean time, I quickly pulled out my phone and messaged Amedeo.
Me: I changed my mind.
His reply was almost immediate.
Amedeo: And what is it about if I may ask?
Me: If I'm doing this, I call the shots. Now now, don't bother to try your manipulative words over me again because I ain't changing my mind. Have a good sleep in your wheelchair, old man.
He didn't reply this time and I was more than satisfied to render him speechless. Fūck his strategy, I wouldn't let him get into my nerves again.
I yelped when Aaron caught my hand and carried me to his bed. I was holding my breath to ease my frantic heartbeat but it wasn't helping.
He kissed my forehead and let me to rest on his chest. I hated how wonderful it felt to have him like this again, I hated how much he was being careful with me.
"Sleep, tigrotto mio."
I couldn't.
Not when he was being such a gentleman. And if he kept on going the same, I could not focus on vengeance.
One revelation of his and I was already afraid of falling for him all over again.
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I'm gonna keep a schedule now. New update every Friday, hopefully.
What do you think?
Love, raaz xo