It's Tuesday morning, I'm still laying in bad watching some random show not really paying any attention. I am unbelievably bored. I grave my glasses and head to the kitchen and yes I wear glasses but I usually have in my contacts. I make a turkey sandwich then head up to take a shower. When I get out of the shower I look at myself in the mirror. My abuelo said that I look like my abuelita when she was younger. I think I should go to the cemetery. I haven't been since I was 11.i look through my closet and grab a random outfit and decide to leave on my glasses.
I put my hair in a ponytail, grab my keys and head to the flower shop. I buy some Lily's because they were her favorite. When I get to the cemetery I get out to find her stone. I find hers right next to my uncle Joseph's. My uncle Joseph died when I was 3 due to kidney failure. I set the flowers down and sit on the grass. I was enjoying the nice day when I started talking.
"I heard its better to talk then to just come and not say anything. I miss you a lot. ¿Por qué te fuiste? Te necesito. Te necesito más de lo que piensas. Nada es lo mismo. No soy yo y, definitivamente, no la familia. todos te necesitamos." (why did you have to leave.i need you. i need you more than you think.nothing's the same.not me and most definitely not the family. we all need you.)I was crying now. I didn't say anything else just sat there crying. I didn't know for how long. It reminded me of the day she died when I was sitting outside on the bench, just looking into the distance. I was thinking about the good memories we had. I was smiling as I thought about my aburlitas favorite song. Dreaming of you by Selena. I started singing softly.
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too
'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me"
"Wonder if you ever see me, and I
Wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?
I just want to hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day, and the courage to say
How much I love you
(Yes I do)"
"I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me"
"Corazón, I can't stop dreaming of you
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti
I can't stop dreaming
Como te necesito
I can't stop dreaming of you
Mi amor como te extraño"
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe
That you came up to me and said I love you
I love you too"
"Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of our lives ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly
Dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly (I'll be dreaming)
Dreaming of you tonight
Endlessly
And I'll be holding you tight ('Til tomorrow)
Dreaming with you tonight (Endlessly)
Endlessly
Endlessly
Dreaming"I finished.
I was crying so hard now. My body was shaking and I was hiccuping. I got up and stared at the headstone hoping she could hear me.
"te amo abuela. " I whispered. (i love you grandma) and walked away to my car. I didn't care how I looked. I just wanted to get home. I checked my phone. It was 4 on the dot. My friends we're probably worried. It has been 2 hours since they got out of school and I'm not home so they're probably panicking. I stop at the stop sign at the corner from my house and pull down the visor. I look like shit. My eyes are red and puffy, I have makeup running down my face and my cheeks are pale. I put the visor up and drive the rest of the way to my house. When I walk in, I walk past everyone, including my mom, and into the downstairs bathroom to clean my face. I try to close the door but Blake come in and closes the door. I didn't care I just started to clean my face and when I'm done I turn around and lean against the sink.
"I finally went. " I didn't have to say where he already knew. His eyes widened. Blake pulled me into a hug as I started crying all over again. When I finally sobered up I pulled away. I opened the door to talk to the others. When I entered the living room all eyes turned to me. I sat on the arm of the sofa next to my mom. I cleared my throat but it still sounded hours when I spoke.
"I went to the cemetery today. " Ever ones eyes widened. My mom put her hand on my leg. I gave a small sad smile.
"I feel a lot better now that I went. But I don't think I will be going back for a while. The feelings are just to much for me. I say that I'm getting over her death but I'm not. Not really so I want to go see a therapist. Mom if you'll let me. " I asked. She smiled at me and nodded.
"I glad you want to. I start looking for one. " She said as she got up and walked out. I took her place on the sofa. I looked at my friends to see them looking at me.
"What? " I asked.
"We are just happy that you wanna get help. And we just want you to know that we support you 100% on this. " Sam said. The others nodded.
"After all this is our temporary home. " Alyssa said. I smiled at the song lyrics and softly started to sing then.
"Little boy, six years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad, another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows in rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary home."Hanna joined me.
"Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
'Cause a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world
"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows in rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."me and Jess sang.
"Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face"
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows in rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home "me and Alyssa finished. I smiled.
A tear escaped and I sniffed. Everyone smiled. Brandon spoke up.
" What song was that.? "He asked.
" Temporary home by Carrie Underwood. "Jess responded.
" You guys should sing again. "Sam piped up. I looked at the girls. Then I turned back to Sam to see him recording. I nodded.
" What should we sing. "Hanna asks.
" I got one. "I said as I synced my phone to the Bluetooth speakers. The instrumental of case closed by little mix came on and I smiled. The girls did to.
" [Verse 1: Hanna]
Hits when I'm asleep right through
I'm cold when I wake cause I won't feel you
When I can't breathe I know it's you
Got a lump in my throat just thinking of you"
"[Pre-Chorus: alyssa]
Makes no difference you've been tried
Makes no difference you've been tried, still sick inside, oh oh
It's meant to be over now
But I think we're going down, we're going down"
"[Chorus: All of us]
Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body
Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty
I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be
For me they'll never be
Case closed (No matter what the verdict say)
Case closed {Too many questions in my head}
Case closed [And I'm still waiting for a while
Why there can never be] Case closed"
"[Verse 2: jess]
Behind these walls, so tall
I don't wanna climb, I'm afraid to fall
So we both do time
And never have closure cause I still wanna hold ya"
"[Pre-Chorus:alyssa]
Makes no difference you've been tried
Makes no difference you've been tried, still sick inside, oh oh
It's meant to be over now
But I think we're going down, we're going down"
"Chorus: All of us]
Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body
Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty
I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be
For me they'll never be
Case closed (No matter what the verdict say)
Case closed {Too many questions in my head}
Case closed [And I'm still waiting for a while
Why there can never be] Case closed"
"[Bridge: me]
There can never, never be a, never be a
Never, never be a case closed
There can never, never be a, never be a
Never, never be a case closed"
"Chorus: All of us]
Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body
Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty
I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be
For me they'll never be
Case closed (No matter what the verdict say)
Case closed {Too many questions in my head}
Case closed [And I'm still waiting for a while
Why there can never be] Case closed" We finished.
We looked at each other and smiled. God I love them. They know how to cherre up they are the best friends I would ever want.