Mara had no words. There was this odd feeling she had and confusion. She wanted to say it, tell James that she loves him.
Not the way he does. She wanted to feel what he was feeling, she even thought of that time when she kissed him, but then she thought of him avoiding her all this time. Mara couldn't feel the way he was feeling. It felt it was all too late for some strange reason. If he told her long before, she'd say it back but for an unknown reason, she wasn't feeling it.
Mara struggled to find words, she didn't know what to say or how to say it without causing any pain. "I--" she paused, still struggling, "--I..." she then sighed and shook her head weakly as she stared at him mournfully. "I'm... sorry"
James was saddened, she imagined he was hurt. "It's alright" he said, he wasn't alright, she could tell. "It's too late, I know... I'm too late. You love him instead"
Mara was then confused, "I don't-- I don't know who you mean"
James looked away, looked at the waterfalls, "You will" he nodded weakly, "I'm sorry for...bringing you out here in the middle of the night and waking you"
She was a little glad that he did, they were talking again, or for now. "It's fine" she replied.
When there were no more words from either the two, that's when Mara left the falls and James followed a moment later. Giving her some space and they both preferred not walking together. Mara felt horrible, horrible that she couldn't say what James said. The walk back to the caves was quiet and awkward, there were drops of rain falling from the trees.
Has there ever been a boy who ever told her he loves her? No, there wasn't, not once. There were times she had imagine it where a handsome boy who'd profess his love to her. Those were old dreams she had years ago, when she was that girl who dreams a lot of things, impossible things. She liked James, she loved him too, it wasn't the kind of love like he has for her. James is indeed a handsome boy despite of how unclean he looks, the bit of dirt on his face, the dry mud on his hair, his ragged garbs, he didn't look so perfect but to Mara's perspective, he was perfect.
In the morning, Mara barely slept, she was awoken by the smell of morning food and the sounds of boys walking and chatting. She wasn't the last to wake up, Curly was still sleeping and the other boy. She sat up slowly and leaned back against the wall. Rubbed her tired eyes and stretched her arms and legs.
Outside was gloomy as it's been the past week, there was no doubt it'll rain today. She felt the same as the weather, gloomy. She wondered what plan was for today, if Pan was around, she'd ask him. They played a game of hunt last time and that was two days ago. It last until sundown, and the hunters couldn't catch everyone on time.
"Ugh, you're making this day more depressing when I'm looking at you" Curly sat down beside Mara, he gave her a plate of breakfast meal. "Didn't sleep well last night? Heard you coming in in the middle of the night"
"It's nothing" she shrugged, "Just took a walk to tire myself out"
"You know what I do when I'm not sleeping?" He leaned back against the wall and crossed his legs, "I count sheep, I always make it until up to around thousand"
"Count sheep?" Mara looked at him strangely.
"Imagine you're in a herd of sheep, hundreds or maybe thousands right in front you and you have to count them all" Curly raised his hands in front of him then waved them away from each other as if showing a herd of sheep in front of them. "But you'll never able to count them all like ever, you'll fall asleep before you even get to the last one"
"Why sheep?"
"You could imagine spiders instead then if you prefer them" Curly gave her the same look she gave him.
During breakfast, Tootles and Slightly came and join her, the three boys talked throughout the meal until Pan finally arrived. She hasn't seen the boy since yesterday evening. He told them to follow them to the other cave to meet with the rest.
In the other cave, the ones living there all stood up and paid attention to Pan. When Mara went into the cave and was behind Tootles, she immediately spotted James standing ahead, there was this awkward feeling she had that made her glance away and he might've met her glance before she looked away. She stood by the entrance between Curly and Slightly and she watched Pan making his place in the middle of the cave.
"It's been a while since we gathered supplies," he began, there was bit of his echo in the cave, making his voice loud and clear even when he's not too loud. "We're running quite low so you know what you have to do, gather your tentmates. I want Felix's and Twins' group to gather the medicine ingredients. Ace's and Thomas's, you're hunting. And James, you and your group do the trading with the Natives"
Curly sighed disappointedly and said an inappropriate word under his breath. This also means Mara will be with James today. It'll make things more awkward than the past month when he was avoiding her, with her knowing that he's in love with her, it can't be easy with them both working together.
When Mara had a chance to talk to Pan when he stepped out of the cave while everyone were gathering their needs, she asked him, "Is it...really necessary that we have to...go with the ones we live with?"
"Is it a problem?" Pan questioned as his arms folded on his chest.
Mara hesitantly, she shook her head, "Not really"
"I presume that it has to do with the distance between you and James?" Pan was gazing over her shoulder and she assumed he was gazing toward James.
"Something like that, but never mind, it's not a problem really" Mara scratched her head.
"What did he say last night?" Pan's voice was low.
Mara looked at Pan with little surprise, he might've eavesdropped while she and James were walking to the falls or to the caves. But can't be while they were in the falls because James assured that Pan wouldn't hear them talking in the falls.
"Nothing much" she lied, she could tell him what James said, but it wasn't the best place to tell him because the Lost Boys were near. "He just apologized, that's all"
"So you two friends again?"
She shrugged, "I guess so" she flashed a small smile.
When everyone left the cave, the five groups parted ways, Mara, Tootles, Curly and Slightly followed James to the west where the Natives Camp was. They mentioned collecting supplies only happens once a month and it'd last then a few weeks before collecting again.
"Is trading with the Natives that bad?" Mara asked Curly. "I mean, it's just trading, right?"
"Yes arseling, its just trading" Curly smiled sarcastically.
"We hate this job, everyone does" Tootles said, "Wanna know why? Because we're going to their camp...literally pass the line"
Mara halted, she suddenly felt fear. "W--wait, what?" She uttered, "I thought we're to never cross the line, wouldn't that violate the peace between us and them?"
"It's why we will have someone to guide us to the camp before we cross the line" Slightly explained.
"What are we trading them with? What do we have?" Mara questioned.
"Pixie Dust, I don't know what the heck they do with it" Curly showed her a small jar of dust and even James was carrying one.
The hike to the west, to the treaty line was long and had been a few hours before they arrived there. They took breaks between those hours. Curly had been the one talking the most of the walk, Mara would see James walking alone as he lead them ahead and sometimes Slightly would walk with him and seemingly exchange conversations. There were times where she and James accidentally look at each other and it made Mara feeling more awkward. James must be feeling the same or may his was worse.
"Okay" James sighed, "You ready?"
"No" Curly scoffed.
"I hate this" Tootles murmured.
"Alright, let's get this over with" James was standing a foot from the line. The line was visible, you could tell by looking at the ground, their ground looked brighter while the other was less bright like it was dying. Mara never noticed that. James had both hands on his mouth, blew in and made an animal-like call. She heard that sound before, from one of the birds that whistle and sing in the mornings.
They only waited for a moment before someone showed up, it was a boy who looked no older than Tootles, this boy had long hair that was braid back, his face was painted with red and black paints and even on his arms. He bore a bow and quiver with arrows, his look was stern as he looked at the five Lost children.
James spoke out in a native language.
The boy looked at them one by one before turning away then called out the same way James did, only the sound was different and the sounds from the native boy sounded more like an actual bird.
Another call sounded within the woods, then another and distantly, another and another as they all sounded faintly and distant. The boy stood there and waited as he remained watching the boys and Mara.
She found the boy intimidating just because of the way he was looking at her and the boys. Despite of how the boy looks and how young he looks, she was nervous.
Several long moments later, more Natives showed up, about four of them, one older than them all, the older one familiar she had seen before and the one the boys mentioned his name once. Hawk.
James and Hawk talked for a moment, the way the Native talked and looked, he seemed tired of it and peevish.
Then there was silence between the two for a moment.
Hawk said something, like he had agreed finally.
"Okay, you know what to do" James turned to Mara and the three, "drop everything, your weapons and leave them here"
Mara did as she was told, the rest did the same, she took the holster of her sword off and dropped it on the ground including her dagger.
"Don't look around too much or too long, Mara" Curly warned, "Don't look at the Chief too"
Mara said nothing. She grew more nervous as James stepped forward and passed the line, Slightly was behind him, then Mara followed. She had never felt this nervous since that night with the ogres, that seemed quite so long ago. The five Natives surrounded the five Lost children and guide them to the Native camp.
***
Ay! Sorry for the bit of wait, needed a little break from writing.
Have a good night and stay weird! ^_^