𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐀, peter pan

Chapter Forty-Two

Mara had no words. There was this odd feeling she had and confusion. She wanted to say it, tell James that she loves him.

Not the way he does. She wanted to feel what he was feeling, she even thought of that time when she kissed him, but then she thought of him avoiding her all this time. Mara couldn't feel the way he was feeling. It felt it was all too late for some strange reason. If he told her long before, she'd say it back but for an unknown reason, she wasn't feeling it.

Mara struggled to find words, she didn't know what to say or how to say it without causing any pain. "I--" she paused, still struggling, "--I..." she then sighed and shook her head weakly as she stared at him mournfully. "I'm... sorry"

James was saddened, she imagined he was hurt. "It's alright" he said, he wasn't alright, she could tell. "It's too late, I know... I'm too late. You love him instead"

Mara was then confused, "I don't-- I don't know who you mean"

James looked away, looked at the waterfalls, "You will" he nodded weakly, "I'm sorry for...bringing you out here in the middle of the night and waking you"

She was a little glad that he did, they were talking again, or for now. "It's fine" she replied.

When there were no more words from either the two, that's when Mara left the falls and James followed a moment later. Giving her some space and they both preferred not walking together. Mara felt horrible, horrible that she couldn't say what James said. The walk back to the caves was quiet and awkward, there were drops of rain falling from the trees.

Has there ever been a boy who ever told her he loves her? No, there wasn't, not once. There were times she had imagine it where a handsome boy who'd profess his love to her. Those were old dreams she had years ago, when she was that girl who dreams a lot of things, impossible things. She liked James, she loved him too, it wasn't the kind of love like he has for her. James is indeed a handsome boy despite of how unclean he looks, the bit of dirt on his face, the dry mud on his hair, his ragged garbs, he didn't look so perfect but to Mara's perspective, he was perfect.

In the morning, Mara barely slept, she was awoken by the smell of morning food and the sounds of boys walking and chatting. She wasn't the last to wake up, Curly was still sleeping and the other boy. She sat up slowly and leaned back against the wall. Rubbed her tired eyes and stretched her arms and legs.

Outside was gloomy as it's been the past week, there was no doubt it'll rain today. She felt the same as the weather, gloomy. She wondered what plan was for today, if Pan was around, she'd ask him. They played a game of hunt last time and that was two days ago. It last until sundown, and the hunters couldn't catch everyone on time.

"Ugh, you're making this day more depressing when I'm looking at you" Curly sat down beside Mara, he gave her a plate of breakfast meal. "Didn't sleep well last night? Heard you coming in in the middle of the night"

"It's nothing" she shrugged, "Just took a walk to tire myself out"

"You know what I do when I'm not sleeping?" He leaned back against the wall and crossed his legs, "I count sheep, I always make it until up to around thousand"

"Count sheep?" Mara looked at him strangely.

"Imagine you're in a herd of sheep, hundreds or maybe thousands right in front you and you have to count them all" Curly raised his hands in front of him then waved them away from each other as if showing a herd of sheep in front of them. "But you'll never able to count them all like ever, you'll fall asleep before you even get to the last one"

"Why sheep?"

"You could imagine spiders instead then if you prefer them" Curly gave her the same look she gave him.