⚠️Self harm, mentions of abuse, addiction⚠️
"What? Are you his boyfriend?" Rio leans towards me, sticking her tongue out playfully. I've said it enough!
"No!" I step back. She looks surprised?! How is this surprising?! I told her to stop!
"What's wrong?" Oh so now you want to act caring.
"You're making fun of me!"
"No I'm not!"
"Well it really feels like it." My knees give and I collapse, holding myself against the wall. I can't cry now. I can't cry in front of her.
"Why?" She sits next to me and places a gentle hand on my back, massaging in calming circles.
"It's not true, and no matter how much I want it to be, it's never going to happen. So stop teasing me with it."
"...Nagisa... I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt that way."
"I told you before. You didn't listen."
-/-/-
"KARMA AKABANE OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY!" A sharp kick sound startles me out of bed. Is that... Nakamura's voice? What the hell. It's two in the morning! I jog down the stairs after fixing my shirt.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I comb my hair back with my fingers. She pushes past me and sits on my couch. She looks at the chair across from her, then back at me. She's telling me to sit in my own living room? She begins in a harsh tone.
"What I say now doesn't leave this room, got it?" Is she actually threatening me?
"Yea, whatever." How serious can this possibly be, I mean, it's Nakamura.
"It's Nagisa. He likes you." How can she sound so calm?!
"What?" Since when?! How come he didn't tell me?! I had to hear from Rio! What the hell?!
"Karma, he is my friend, and so help me if you mess him up I will do the same to you." She stands to leave.
"Wait! You're just going to tell me that without context?! What else do you know?" This is my best friend I'm talking about here. If I'm going to ask him out I need to know more.
"I know that I made him upset by asking if you were his boyfriend. He cried because he thought it would never happen. And it might not. But I think you need to be aware of his feelings." She doesn't turn around, instead speaking directly to the door. He cried?! I've seen him shed a tear maybe once!
"I'll make it happen. I think..." What if he really doesn't want to go out with me? What if it was just something he was unsure of. Oh no, what have I done?
"Good."
-/-/-
Now I just have to talk to him. He's right there! I talk to him every day! This should be easy.
"Nagisa." He turns around, looking up from his half-packed bag.
"Karma! I was wondering why Rio keeps mumbling about you. Did you do something?" He returns to shoving papers and pens into their proper pockets.
"I actually think it was something I haven't done." I hold my neck. This is much more difficult than planed.
"I see. Was it a bet?" He grabs his bag and starts walking like we usually would.
"Uh- No! No. She was telling me something to get me to do something else and uh-"
"Blackmail? She must really want something."
"It isn't blackmail, Nagi."
"Then what is it?" He slows down a bit, turning his head towards me. This is the moment, isn't it?
"Nagisa, do you want to go out with me?" I spit it out quickly. His eyes go wide, his mouth turns up, and he nearly takes a step towards me. Nearly. Instead, he takes a step back, his face contorting into a pained expression.
"She set you up to this, didn't she?" He chokes, dropping his bag.
"No! Nagisa, no. I would never-" I reach towards him, attempting to pull him into a hug.
"Don't! Don't get any closer! I can't believe you would listen to her like that! I thought you... I thought you cared. Even if whatever she said was true, or the prank she planned was epic, I thought you knew not to toy with people like that."
"I'm not trying to toy with you! I'm asking you on a date!" He doesn't even want me to touch him so how am I supposed to hold him during a heartfelt confession.
"I can never tell if you're up to something anymore and it's angering." He picks his back back up. He wipes at his dry eyes and moves towards the door.
"I'm not up to anything! I want to take you out! Really!" I should go after him, right?
"Of course you do." He starts walking. "Don't follow me!"
-/-/-
He won't pick up my calls now! Rio would probably know what to do. She picks up on the second ring.
"Are you calling me about Nagisa? Because I was about to call you!" She sounds upset.
"Yea."
"He thinks I was setting him up! He thinks that I told you to ask him out for a prank! You weren't pranking him, right?"
"No! I was about to ask why he'd think that! I tried to talk to him but... I don't know. He doesn't think I'd actually ask him out."
"Oh my god I need to knock some sense into him."
"Rio, I'm worried. He wouldn't do anything rash over this, right? What if he hurts himself again?!" I stop in my tracks. What if I start up his addiction again? I couldn't stop it last time, how would I stop it now?
"I'm going to try calling him again. You just get ready to pour your heart out." I can hear her moving things around on the other end.
"I'll get my notes ready." I need to write out things to say to him. This needs to be perfect. I need to prove I'm not messing with him. I'll talk to him tomorrow.
-/-/-
"He's not here?!"
"His mother called him in sick. Go to class."
"Are you kidding me? He has had perfect attendance for forever and you're not worried?!"
"I don't feel like getting involved in his personal affairs."
"You do know he has had harmful addictions since before I met him, right? I think something could have triggered that again and I might need your help if he's fucking dying!" I hit the table. Karasuma looks up slowly, locking my gaze.
"Get the octopus to carry us."
-/-/-
"Nagisa? Oh, she's in-"
"Out of my way you abusive hag!" I push past her, running to his room. I open the door quietly, calming my breath before I step in. He's laying on his bed in a fetal position, choking on quiet sobs. There's a bucket next to him. He's been getting sick, I can smell it.
"Nagisa? Are you okay?"
"Leave." He strains.
"Nagisa... I wanted to see how you're doing."
"Pretty shitty, actually. It would help if you left me alone."
"I want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave again. I didn't want to hurt you."
"So you lied?"
"I didn't lie. I want to take you out."
"Stop trying to trick me!"
"Nagisa what would it take to show you that I care? I love you and I'd like to make you believe me."
"You know what?" He sits up, holding his gut, looking down at his bucket in case he needed it. He takes a deep breath and turns to me. "If you're going to lie to me, make it something believable." He's still covered mostly by his comforter as he swings his legs over a side of his bed.
"Why isn't it believable? I'll show you! I-I can do something. What would get you to believe me?" I take a step for him.
"Getting the fuck away from me." He glares, half-lidded eyes pressuring mine to leave. Nagisa... That hurts. I want to fix it and you're saying I can't. I can never fix it. Why can't I ever make the people I love feel better? It's because I'm useless. I can't do it. I'll hurt him more. I didn't notice I had fallen until I had to look up from the floor. Nagisa is still glaring down at me. I can see a small trail of blood running down the exposed part of his leg.
"You're bleedi-"
"Guess why?" He hisses, shifting so it turns into a heavy stream.
"It's my fault." The blanket falls off of his body. He is entirely covered in cuts, and they're bleeding. He's bleeding. He's bleeding too much. It's pooling around him. It's filling up the room.
"Karma! Open the door!" Karasuma jiggles the lock to try to get in.
"Stay there." Nagisa mumbles, his body now being coated in blood. His skin has melted. All that's left is-
"Karma!" The door breaks down with a hard slam. The walls open their eyes, judging me, yelling at me. I hurt Nagisa. I can't fix it. The eyes get bigger. I can't do this. I'm hurting Nagisa. They start to envelop me. I'm going to ruin him too. Everything goes dark.
-/-/-
"Is he okay?!"
"He's breathing. He has a pulse. He's probably fine."
"You two are idiots! You're not supposed to scare him! You need to tell him to breathe and ask how to make him feel better!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to freak him out!"
"Guys?" I cough. Oh no, did I pass out?
"He's awake!" Nagisa looks down excitedly, picking me up onto his knees. "Karma, I'm so sorry I couldn't help. I was trying to get to you but the somebody burst in and hit you with the door."
"He fell over and we heard you getting out of bed. You really need to drink more water if you're vomiting."
"This isn't about me."
"We'll let you get some rest. Karma will be taken back to school, he might come back afterwards, you know him."
"I know... get him to rest. And don't say 'calm down'!"
-/-/-
"Rio... I think I fucked myself over. I have no chance with him. I look like an idiot! I passed out because he was mad at me. I'm so stupid. He probably hates me now."
"He probably doesn't. What did he do afterwards?"
"I don't remember. I woke up at school and kept slipping in and out on consciousness."
"Well what were you going to say."
"I don't know! I made notecards. Ahem, 'Nagisa, I love you. I'm not saying this as a prank. I'm not saying this as a trick. I really mean it. I don't know how to make you believe me, and I've given you too many reasons not to. I'm sorry for that. But, if you'll believe me, I'd like to take you on a date.' Because I'm just so bad at talking I need a notecard."
"Come on, I know you wrote more than that." Rio giggles.
"Well I wrote something out about how he's kept me sane while I've known him and how I'd die if he ever hated me but I was thinking it was too dramatic." I lean back in my chair and glance at the notecards I crumpled into the bin.
"Yea, maybe. You should talk to him, though." She calms down a little.
"I told you, he won't talk to me! He thinks it's a big prank when in reality I'm just really bad at being romantic to I choose to annoy him and befriend him so at least I'm closer to him." I lay my head onto my desk. If only I'd never said anything. Then we could still be friends. Rio mumbles something on the other end.
"Okay, yea, but what else."
"What do you mean 'what else'?! I'm not going to pour my guts out for him if it's just going to make him upset! He'll hate me!" Why is it so difficult! I just want to go back to how it was before. We were friends and it hurt but he didn't hate me.
"I wouldn't hate you..." Nagisa is there?! He sounds weak but happy. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were serious." Oh don't cry!
"Nagisa I'd never prank you like that. I'd never prank anyone like that. I'm sorry."
"So it's resolved? You guys are dating now?" Rio is loud and excited.
"I think we are."
"Karma?"
"Yea?"
"You know we are."
A/n I've been writing these things for so long and they're all getting v hard to finish I don't know whyyyy I'm sorry
If you had requests please tell me again what they were here and I can reply telling you how done it is because they're taking so much longer to write that usual and it's killing me??? Also I'm not sure which ones are requests (which are my priority) and which ones I made up so I can take my time.