Little Love Letters
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Chapter twenty-five
He held my hand tightly,afraid to let go. He treated me like the most delicate thing on earth, like I were to break under his touch.
The wind whipped my hair out of my face. The sun slightly brushed my cheeks. The moment was so bittersweet.
I put my arm over my mom and held her close. She leant forward and placed flowers on top of his tombstone.
"Can I please have a moment alone?" I asked. Zac nodded and led my mom to the car.
I kneeled down to the ground. I had to get this behind me. I've had this weight placed on my shoulders, and the guilt always kept building.
"Dad,"
I was breathless. I had never told anybody. Too afraid to let go or to try. I was scared they wouldn't believe me.
"I forgive you."
I had a messed up life, and it felt as if it built up from what he did.
"All those times you.."
A tear slipped from my cheek. I had never visited his grave since.
"..You abused me, I forgive you."
My voice was slowly shrinking from the cold and the tears, but all those memories flashed back. All the times he tried to unclothe me. All the times he would smack me if I resisted.
"I tried to hang in there. I wanted to tell but I would hurt mom. She went through so much pain already, and I couldn't do that to you."
I wiped my cheeks with my sweater and composed myself.
"The day you got diagnosed with cancer, I was the happiest person on earth. Not because I wanted you dead. I wanted you to suffer and feel the pain, but after a while I started realizing that it was stupid and selfish to think that way,"
"That's why all those years I decided to stand by your side and fight with you."
I had now buried my face in my cold hands. My hair fell around my head, shielding me from the cold.
I whimpered as I cried. I despised him coming back home. He would come to my room late at night.
I stood up and wiped my knees, getting rid of all the dirt.
I felt somebody grab my wrist. Zac turned me so I faced him.
"It's okay boo," he kissed the tears rolling down from my eyes.
"I'm here for you,"
As I looked into his blue eyes, reassuring me that he would never leave, I took his hands.
"I love you Zac Kenny," He smiled at my words and wrapped his arms safely around me.
"I love you more Elle parker,"
He pulled me closer to him and moved to my lips. The kiss was magical, sending jitters into the rest of my body.
I had to keep all strength in my legs in order for them not to cave in. My knees started to shake as I grasped onto him.
I moved my hands into his hair, tangling them at the bottom by his neck.
A hooting sound emerged from my righthand side, and I couldn't help but smile.
My mom was so impatient.
"Coming," I yelled at her as we broke the embrace. He entwined our fingers and led me to the car.
"Dinner tonight?" He breathily whispered into my ear.
I nodded as my cheeks became a slight tilt of pink. He had such an effect on me.
I started getting very anxious when Zac dropped us off at home. He told me to wear something sexy and beautiful for a very special dinner.
"Enjoy." My mom bid her goodbye after dropping me off. I waved to her as I walked closer to the glass door, clutching my purse to my side.
"Good evening, table for how many?"
The lady at the front desk held out menus as she showed the way into the restaurant.
"Um, reservation for Kenny?" I asked. Zac told me to meet him at the fanciest restaurant in town, which I don't understand.
We could've eaten takeouts.
She blinked a few times before looking at the list. While she searched for Zac's last name, I took a look around the restaurant.
It was out of this world. Really.
Golden chandeliers dangled from the detailed frescoed ceiling. Dramatic curtains hanged in front of the large windows, which had a spectacular view of the city.
The waiters kept looking at me weirdly. Of course I wasn't married to a millionaire or drove in luxury, but this was a special night for Zac and I.
The lady approved my request to come in and led me to a table.
At least none of the guests looked at me oddly. I wasn't that underdressed.
My heels sank into the carpet as she kept going further and further. She finally stopped and opened the doors to the outside, and to my surprise, only one table with two chairs stood on the marble. It was surrounded by roses and lights, as well as an angel fountain.
I gasped as I saw Zac. He stood his ground in a formal tuxedo.
The reception lady dismissed us and walked away. Zac saw it as an opportunity to walk closer and kiss me.
I was breathless by the time his hands slid over my arms. I kissed him back gently, knowing more was to come.
"After you, Miss Parker." he spoke and led my hand to the table, which had been covered in candles.
I sat down and watched as he poured liquid into our glasses.
"This is wonderful," I was still shocked at what trouble he had gone through for our dinner.
I could see he was weary of what he was about to say," I just wanted to make our last days special."
I smiled at his reaction. He seemed so nervous. It was tremendously cute to me.
"Elle,"
His voice broke off my trail of thoughts.
I hadn't noticed he was standing behind me, with his hands traveling over my bare shoulders. It made me whimper slightly, causing the reaction he wanted.
His hot breath fanned over the side of my neck as he spoke.
"You know you are the most beautiful, intelligent, breathtaking woman I have ever met," his fingertips trailed over my arms.
My breathing became short and fast as his touch sent shivers through me.
Zac made his way to my right and kneeled down, taking my hand in his.
"You were my first love, Elle. I surely hope you are my last." His words came up fast and it seemed to build up to something.
"I would want nothing more than to wake up to those beautiful eyes every morning. To kiss you under every star and the sun everyday would be my dream until I can be with you again."
"You are my soulmate, my muse. I don't want you to leave me, but if I'm done here I'd join you, even if it's half way across the world."
He wiped a tear from my eye and I felt his hand tremble on my cheek.
"I love you more than anything Elle."
He nervously searched for something in his pocket. When he found it, he pulled it out of his pocket and flicked it open.
It was a box. A ring box.
My heart started hammering inside my chest as he searched for the courage to say the words.
I couldn't believe the moment has come, and my mouth was hanging to the floor. I had to keep myself from screaming in excitement.
"Elle Parker, love of my life. Will you marry me?"
I couldn't speak. My voice was completely gone.
"I-I.." I couldn't find my words.
"I know we are too young, but I want you to be mine forever. We could get married in a few years.." He trailed off, but I stopped him by placing my fingers on his mouth.
I stumbled upon my words before spitting it out. I was so unsure and it was too early. I would cause myself much more pain by having his ring on my finger and leaving. It didn't seem right. I wanted to spend my life with him.
He made a promise. He said he would wait for me.
"No,"
"No?" He mimicked.
I wiped my tears away. It's not that I didn't want to be with him. I wasn't ready.
"My answer is no." I bowed my head down and kissed him one last time, slowly and needly.
I could feel his uncertainty. It wasn't a feeling we wanted to share. My hand caressed his cheek, and I felt wetness under his eyes.
It was so painful and it broke my heart. The kiss was so much in need of happiness. I pulled him close to me as we moved in sync for the last time. It was so bittersweet.
I closed the ring box in his hand as I stood up after I pulled away from the kiss, leaving my touch on his fingers.
"I love you," I spoke and walked away.
It was for the best, even though his expression made my heart shatter.
My heart felt like daggers had stabbed in so many places. It's almost as if a monster took it and ripped it apart.
I'm not ready. I need to live my life first. Even though it feels like I've killed apart of myself.
It's not over.
But why do I feel like it is at the bottom of my heart?
THE END OF PART ONE