I obnoxiously blew my nose into a napkin, keeping my eyes locked on the table. I couldn’t seem to stop my stuttering crying breath from breaking up my speech as I tried to explain what happened to Chip. He was the only one who answered his phone, and I ugly cried in his car as he drove us to a little diner for lunch. I didn’t order anything though. How can I eat while I’m sobbing?
People were staring at us, trying to process what was going on. All they saw was a guy in his twenties staring helplessly at a teenage girl sobbing— yet struggling to speak— sitting across from him in a booth. I briefly wondered what stories they were creating as an explanation. Those thoughts were over shadowed though, by the fact that I think Niall and I just broke up.
I sobbed harder.
“It’s alright, Hunter.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “It was just a fight.”
“We broke up Chip!” I cried. “He cheated on me and ass fucked some other girl.”
“What?!”
“He said he loved me and that he liked waking up next to me, but it was all a lie! He was lying this whole time!”
His eyes blazed and he was suddenly pulling out his phone as he got out of the booth. “I’ll be right back.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’ll be back.” Then he just walked away. I put my head in my hands, regretting ever saying anything about Harper. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. This was my fault and now I’m sitting alone in a diner while my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—gets on a plane to go home. I lost one of the best things to happen to me, all because I got jealous…when I always yelled at him for getting jealous. There’s no bright side to this, nor is there a way to be positive. This is just bad, and nothing but bad.
My phone rang in my pocket, and I rushed to answer it, slightly disappointed to see it was just Brice calling. “Hello?” I said through a voice thick with tears.
“Hunter! What happened?!”
“I think we’re done, Brice.” I whispered and my crying started up again. “I always got mad at him for—” I sniveled, “for getting jealous all the time, and now we’re broken up because I got jealous. He hates me now. He’s said he’s going back home.”
“No.” She said sternly. “No, no, no. I will not let this happen, no I certainly will not. You love him you fille stupide! He loves you! You cannot break up! I do not even understand how—”
“He—he also cheated on me.” I sobbed. “He slept with his friend Harper.”
“Wait—” someone said, but they were cut off by Brice.
“Who the FUCK is Harper?!” She shrieked. “Ooh, I am going to murder him, Hunter. Liam, do you hear this?!” I was confused until I realized I was in a three-way call with her and Liam.
“Hunter, babes, I really don’t think that’s true.”
“What do you mean it’s not true?” I asked.
He cleared his throat, “He told me he had a friend that’s a girl that has herpes.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah, so if he did cheat on you, it wasn’t with her…unless he has herpes now.”
I blinked a couple times. “WHAT?!” I repeated.
“So he lied about cheating with this Harper?” Brice asked. “Why would he lie about that?”
“Well,” my face as burning red with embarrassment now, realizing this is my fault in a whole different way now. “He never actually…admitted to sleeping with her…or cheating.” I frowned at the table. “He didn’t deny it though either. He just didn’t say anything.”
I heard Liam sigh, “Hunter, he’ll never actually say this to you, but he really likes you. Like, he wanted you guys to last after college so you guys could move in together. He planned on splitting his time sixty/forty between you and Ireland.” I started crying again. He wanted all that, and I had to go and ruin it, all because I couldn’t take the time to listen to him. I told him I’d listen and I didn’t.
“I’m such a bitch,” I wept, putting my head down on the table. “I fucked up, and now I lost him.”
“You are not! This is just a misunderstanding, no? That means it can be mended.”
“He left.”
“So call him!” Then she hung up on me, leaving me in my shame.
Niall and I seriously just broke up over something that didn’t even happen. Why didn’t he stop it? Why didn’t I just listen to him and let him explain before I jumped to conclusions? We had such a good night last night, besides the shooting…thing, and this afternoon was just shoot to hell. Because of me! I couldn’t even describe the emotion I was in at the moment. Shame wasn’t strong enough.
Disgusted. There we go; I’m utterly and undeniably disgusted in my hypocritical stupidity. Disgusted.
I looked up just as Chip came back, with a damn smile on his face as he sank back into the booth. “Why are you smiling?” I asked, jealous because he had a reason to.
“Good news, Niall didn’t leave.”
“What?”
“He’s still at Kel’s. I’ve got the window washer of the building to see if anyone was in the apartment. He said he was still in there.”
I bunched my eyebrows together, “Why do you know the window washer of Kel’s apartment building?”
“That’s not important,” he waved me off. “But what is important is knowing whether I’ll hire someone to kill Niall…or if I’ll do it myself.” He tapped his finger against his chin.
“WHAT? Chip! What!”
He looked at me like I was crazy, “Like I’d actually let the guy who cheated on my little sister continue to walk this planet. Yeah right.”
“Chip, it was my fault.” I looked down at the table, “He didn’t even cheat.”
“He didn’t? You just said he did…like six minutes ago.”
I shook my head, “He never admitted it or denied it so I took his nonresponse as a yes, but Liam and Brice just called and Liam said the girl I thought he slept with had herpes and he obviously didn’t sleep with her. Then he said Niall wanted us to last after college so we could move in together.” I let out a breath, “but I ruined it…” Chip was quiet for a while before shaking his head at me.
“Wow, you really look stupid now, don’t you?”
“Yes Chip. Thanks for pointing it out.”
He chuckled, “Looking stupid means the fight wasn’t really that big of a deal then. Means you just have to apologize, and it’s done. You’ll laugh about it in a couple…months…”
“I will not laugh about losing Niall,” I sulked. “There’s nothing funny about that.”
“Jesus, you’re so dramatic and emotional. Just go back to Kel’s and apologize.”
I hesitated, “He won’t want to talk to me…”
“Oh, for God’s sake! You’re making this so complicated.”
“It is complicated!”
“No it’s not.” He shook his head again, “I swear, I hope Jade isn’t like you…with all these imaginary problems.”
“Oh yeah! How’d the meet up go?”
He actually blushed as he looked away from me. “It was cool. She’s cool. We have a double date with Louis and El on Friday.”
“Aw Chip.”
“Shut up,” he mumbled. “This isn’t about me, it’s about you. You and your drama, though entertaining to some extent, have to stop. You have to stop making up things then trying to make them true. Like, if Niall didn’t answer you when you asked if he slept with someone, you should’ve made him answer. You need to be Factual Hunter. Get the facts before you do anything.”
He paused. “And you know what? That applies to anything you do in life.” I rolled my eyes. When did this turn from relationship advice to life coaching? “You, especially you, need to make sure you know everything before you do something, from homework to decision making. You need those facts. Otherwise….” He gestured around the diner. “You’ll be crying in a diner with the un-cuddly brother.”
“My un-cuddly brother isn’t that bad.” I smiled at the table, “He gives good advice.”
“He’s always here for you.” He mumbled, barely audible. “No matter how stupid you look…or are.”
I chuckled and looked at him, “Love you Chipper.”
He huffed at my nickname but didn’t say anything about it. “Love you too, stupid.”
——
I called Niall once, but hang up before I he could answer. I didn’t even know what to say to him. So Chip and I planned out a speech—though he obviously didn’t want to—to explain how sorry I was and how stupid I felt and how much of a hypocrite I was. Chip grew tired of me after an hour and drove me back to Kel’s apartment, riding up the elevator with me to make sure I didn’t chicken out.
I couldn’t even get the courage to knock on the door (because I didn’t grab any keys when I left), so Chip knocked five times before running away and disappearing onto the elevator. Then I was left standing there. I was standing in the hallway waiting for him to answer—if he was even still here.
Too much time passed and I timidly knocked again. It was silent behind the door for minutes before I just accepted that he’d left. He was gone. “Ni,” I mumbled through fresh tears. I rested my head against the wood door, and let my wet eyes drip onto the carpet, wallowing in my self-hate.
Suddenly the door opened and I fell forward into a pale bare chest. We both stepped back and, as corny as it sounds, everything stopped around us. I even stopped breathing for a second when his arm brushed mine to close the door. We stood an awkward distance apart in complete silence. I pointed my feet inward, making the end of one shoe rest over the other, before letting out a breath.
I looked up at then back to my feet when I saw his arms were crossed and his face was impassive, showing no emotion. How was I supposed to tell if he was willing to listen to me or not when he’s looking at me like that? I hated when he was like this—when I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He was like a wall.
We stood there for about forever, I think—too long—as I went over my speech. I had to make sure I was about to say the right things, that he knew I knew this was my fault.
But he spoke before I could.
“Hey pretty,” He whispered.
An unexpected tear ran down my cheek as I looked up at him, “Pretty?”I thought he was mad at me…
“Just ‘cause we had a fight, doesn’t mean you’re not pretty anymore.”Oh Niall.
“Thanks.” I whispered, looking away. I took a deep breath, “Niall—”
“I’m sorry too.”
I frowned as I looked at him again. “Why are you sorry? You didn’t—” He cut me off by smashing our lips together. My eyes bugged out as I sensed the urgency and passion in the kiss. I just didn’t get it. We just had a huge, basically relationship-ending, fight…and he’s making out with me? I accused him of something he didn’t do and insulted his friend…and he’s making out with me like that isn’t all he wants to do? I didn’t get it.
“Stop thinking.” He whispered against me, and I immediately did what he said. I melted against him as I kissed him back, throwing my arms around his neck. It seemed like everything that happened, disappeared for a moment as our tongues caressed each other, and his hands gripped at my hips, pulling me towards him as he walked backwards.
“Where’d you go?” He mumbled, turning us around so I was the one walking backwards.
“Lunch with Chip,” I breathed. “Why?”
His hand slammed against the bedroom door, coaxing me inside, before closing it behind us. The blinds were closed, making the room dark and dreary looking. His lips connected with mine again as he lifted me up and sat me on the bed, before stepping away. I gave him a questioning look.
“Hunter…” he mumbled. “I love you. I’d never—”
“I know, Niall. I love you too. I was so angry and being stupid.” I hooked my hand around his hip, pulling towards me. “I trust you Niall—I know I can.”
“Yeah?” He put both his hands in my hair, tilting my head up so I was looking in his eyes. He seemed like an innocent child, unsure whether or not to believe what he was being told
“Yes.”
“I trust you too; I really do. It’s just everyone else…” He trailed off and shook his head. “We’ll talk about it later.” He sighed.
“Wha—” His lips were on mine again and he refused to let more than an inch of space come between us for the rest of the night.
——
“Herpes?” I asked. The make-up sex ended a half hour ago—now was the time for talking as we lay naked, tangled together under the covers.
“Yeah. That’s reason like…five why I would never touch her.”
“What are the other four?”
He held up his hand, bending a finger down for each reason, “Number one is the obvious ‘I’m taken’ thing. Number two is, I don’t really find her attractive. Three, she only does anal. And four, her dad’s in the navy and would kill anyone who touches her again.”
“Why didn’t you say you didn’t sleep with her when I asked?”
“Because…” He gulped and turned on his back. “I knew it would upset you…” I frowned but he quickly added, “But I regretted it.”
“Then why’d you let me break up with you?”
He suddenly sat up, leaning over me as he stared in my eyes, “We broke up?”
“I…I thought we did…”
“We just got in a fight!” He said frantically, “We always fight. We didn’t break up. We’re not going to.”
“You said not to expect you to still be here…”
“I was pissed off. I was basically saying anything to make you as angry as you made me. I don’t even know how to get to the airport.”
I sighed and looked away from him, “You didn’t make me angry…you ripped my heart out.” He moved his hand up my stomach, stopping it just above my left breast.
“How’d it get back in there then?”
“When I realized you never admitted it to me…then Liam told me it wasn’t true.” I threw my arm over my eyes, “Then, even though my heart was back in me, I wanted to rip it out myself for being stupid enough to let a fight—”
“Hey, hey,” he laid down again, pulling me into his chest. “Don’t go messing up my stuff.”
“I’m your stuff?” I chuckled lightly.
He nodded, “You’re my everything,” his voice was airy and dramatic, making it obvious he was just kidding about the overly sentimental line. I giggled though—I knew he wasn’t completely joking. He liked to pretend he wasn’t the mushy one in the relationship.
“That’s sweet.” He kissed my nose before rolling on his back again to look at the ceiling. “Liam told me something else too…”
“What?”
“He said you wanted us to move in together.” The only reaction he gave was the narrowing of his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. “Is that true?”
“Yup,” He sighed. “Me and Bobby had the ‘do you love her’ talk…he kept questioning me and it just got me thinking about stuff. I don’t know. Nothing can really happen until college is done.”
“That’s true.”
He glanced at me, “We’ve been dating for seven months.”
“It’s definitely eight…”
“No, we went on our first date at the very end of June. That’s seven months ago.” After thinking about it, I decided it must be true. First kisses don’t count as dating. In that case, it would be eight. “I’m saying it’s not that long. We’re gonna need some time to decide whether we really want to move in together or not. Then we have to decide which country…”
Wow, that’s a lot. “We have until after college to think about all that.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”
“But right now, you’re here with me and you know what I want to do?” He gave me a confused look. “I want to crash C.L.’s double date on Friday.”
He laughed, “Chip has a date?”
“Yeah El introduced him to one of her friends. I want to see how he is. He really likes her.”
“Chip?”
“Yes,” I giggled. “It’s weird right? I have to see it for myself…so that’s what we’re doing Friday.”
“If that’s what pleases madam.”
“’Tis.”
“And Marcy tomorrow?”
“Yup.”
He shook his head before kissing my shoulder, “You’ve got me running around everywhere.”
“Gotta keep you in shape since you quit soccer.”
“Fuck you…”
“Go ahead.” He eyed me before realizing I was only messing with him. I giggled a little before shifting so I was lying on top of him with my head on his chest. The thought occurred to me that he’d been here for four days and there hasn’t been twenty-four hours where something hasn’t gone wrong. First it was Marcel, then the shooting, then this fight—I wanted him here so we could spend time together, but it’s just been fighting and danger.
“What are you thinking about?” He whispered, rubbing his hand on my back.
“Us.”
“What about us?”
“We’ve been fighting a lot…” I mumbled. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”
He sighed and I could basically smell a joke on the way, “But…you’re so hot when you’re angry…” I rolled my eyes as I lifted my head to looking in his eyes.
“I’m serious.”
“I know…no more fights.”
“Good.”
He nodded and rolled us over on our sides, “Let’s do something…again.” I rolled my eyes, but squeaked when I unexpectedly felt his hand creeping up my stomach.
“Fine.”
——
——
Marcel didn’t look good. I mean he looked healthy, but he wasn’t his timid little shit self that he was last time. He hadn’t talked since Niall and I walked in the room and sat on the end of his bed. All he did was sit in his chair at the desk and stare out the window—though nothing was even out there to look at. He wasn’t even wearing his glasses.
“So,” Niall mumbled awkwardly. “Hunter and I got in a big fight yesterday.” I glared at him. Why did he have to tell him that?!
“Why’s that?” Marcel didn’t even turn around as his flat voice responded. “Did you cheat on her?”
“She thought I did.”
“Did you?”
“No, we just got in a big fight. It’s all better now.”
WHAT IS THIS?
“That’s good.” Marcel sighed before turning around. “Guys…” I frowned when he looked down at his knees. He sniveled and I immediately went into motherly mode.
“What? What happened?” I rushed.
He looked up, “I just want to go home. I hate it here and Dina’s daughter is a bitch.”
“She lives here too?” Niall asked and Marcel nodded. “How old is she?”
“Sixteen.”
I shot up to my feet, “What is she doing to you?”
“I just told you she’s a bitch.” He said rolling his eyes. “She’s just difficult and makes everything harder than it should be. We have to do chores together and she ends up making me do them because she doesn’t want to mess up her manicure.” I was boiling with anger. “She’s been making this just that much worse.”
Marcel came here to get help, and the helper’s daughter is adding to the problem! I walked towards the door and closed in behind me. “Where’s she going?” I heard Marcel say as I walked away. Niall’s mumbled response was barely heard as I walked down the stairs. Dina was sitting on the couch, glasses resting on the tip of her nose, reading something on her iPad.
“What’s your hurry?” She chuckled at me.
“Your daughter lives here?” She nodded, “Where is she?”
“Probably in the den. Why?”
I gave her a sweet smile, “I just want to talk to her.” She bought my line and pointed me in the direction of the den. I wasn’t trying to start anything honestly. By the time I got there and was standing in the room with her, my anger had melted away. I just wanted her to leave Marcel alone while he tries to get better; I’m not looking for trouble.
“Um, who are you?” She said with an attitude as I closed the door behind me. Her black hair as messy around her face, and eyeliner was rubbed all under her eyes like she’d just rolled out of bed without washing her face.
“You’re Dina’s daughter aren’t you?”
She snorted and turned away from me, “Yup.” I frowned as she leaned forward, inhaling as she moved her head to the left. Did she just do a line of coke or something…? She turned back to face me, wiping her nose and sniffing. “And who are you?”
“I’m Marcel’s friend and he said something about you being a bother to him and—”
“Who, Nerd Boy up there? What about him?” As I looked behind her I saw it definitely was white powdered lines on the desk. But strangely, my motherly instinct didn’t make me want to help her or question her about it—I couldn’t care less honestly. I just wanted her to back off Marcel.
“His name is Marcel.” I snapped. “And I want you to leave him alone. He already doesn’t want to be here, and you’re making it harder for him to get better.”
“To get better?” She laughed, “You actually think my mom’s going to help him?”
I gave her a confused look, “She’s a psychiatrist isn’t she? She supposed to be helping him channel his anger differently.”
She laughed even harder, “She’s not a good one! She’s only helpful when she’s high…so only like thirty percent of the time…because I steal her drugs.” She smirked and smugly ushered to the white lines on the desk. I stood there dumbfounded, trying to process what she was telling me. Does she do coke with her mom?!
“She’s the most clueless person ever, oh my god. I had a threesome yesterday at four in the afternoon and she didn’t even know it!” I grimaced in disgust—she’s sixteen. “What was that you were saying about Nerd Boy?”
“I said leave him alone.”
“No,” she shrugged simply.
“What the fuck? Why? What’s he done to you?”
She shrugged again, “Nothing at all. He’s just so easy to fuck with—he bruises like a fucking banana, I swear to god.”
“You give him bruises?!”
“It’s not hard.” She snorted. All my anger exploded again and I walked towards.
“Now you listen to me you coked up whore. You’re going to leave him alone or I’ll beat the drugs out of you, alright?” I was glaring down at her completely flat face, growing more pissed off when she didn’t say something. “Are you slow? Do you hear what I’m telling you?”
“What are you, his mom? He should be less sensitive and maybe his parents would be afraid he’s going to shoot up a school or something.”
I slapped the spit out of her mouth, “He’s like that because of pathetic people like you hurting him and harassing him for no reason at all. You made an already shy kid, terrified and his only way out was to start beating the shit out of people.”
“Oh really? That’s his way out? Then why hasn’t he beaten me up then?” She mumbled rubbing her cheek.
“I don’t know.” I said through my teeth, “But if he doesn’t, I will.”
“No you won’t.”
“Fucking try me, bitch.” My tone of voice made the smugness drop from her face when she realized just how serious I was. At this point, I wanted to beat the shit out of her, just to show her that I could. “Now, are you going to leave him alone?” She tried to keep up the tough guy act but I knew I’d scared her into submission. I turned on my heel to walk away but she stopped me once I was at the door.
“One condition…”
I sighed and turned around, “What is it?”
“You have to pay me in stuff…”
“I’m not paying you shit.” I spat.
She crossed her arms and grinned, “Well, I get really aggressive when I’m not high—Nerdy knows all about it.”
“What, you want me to get you coke?”
“Yeah, if you want me to leave your baby alone.” I stared at her in disgust. She’s a waste of air—I’m sure of it after only talking to her for fifteen minutes. A sixteen year old that can’t function without her drugs? That’s some fucked up Skins/Degrassi shit. And her mom! Both of them are on drugs together, just making this that much more disgraceful and sickening. Oh god, what’s going to happen when Marcel’s parents find out?!
But would I really be doing a bad thing if I gave her drugs so she’ll leave Marcel alone? Besides the fact that it’s illegal, the worst that could happen is she gets high enough to not even acknowledge him, right? And I could just get the coke from that girl in my class—who’s name I couldn’t remember. She told me she could hook me up if I ever needed it…
“Well?” Druggie prodded.
I sighed, and turned away from her. “Fine.”