Picture of Ava Knights.
Song: I hate you, I love you - Who loves this song?
*happy reading*
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Aaron
I was frustrated, fūcking sexually frustrated when I saw her in my room.
The longer I held her in my arms, the longer I wanted to take her. The way her body was bending under my hands, writhing profusely, her back arched, her nails digging into my shoulder was a fūcking huge turn on.
Her mouth was formed in an 'O' when I fūcked her with my fingers, her moans and gasps being swallowed by my lips. She looked so fūcking breathtakingly beautiful and that could make any man to come in their pants.
Her eyes closed from the bliss of her climax and at that time, I was getting more and more frustrated, my cöck twitching painfully. I curled my fingers, hitting her sensitive spot over and over again. I was getting insanely insatiable with her, the more her body was underneath mine, the longer I craved her.
There wasn't just lust, there was something else.
I have had many women in my life but there was nothing like the feeling when it was her.
Fūck! She was something else.
She bit her lip to stop the moan, her head falling back in pleasure. I released her lip by pulling them from between my teeth. She opened her eyes slowly when I removed my hand as our breathing mingled.
She looked so vulnerable now, her eyes giving me the one thing which I wasn't expecting.
And then, it hit me.
She trusts me.
For some another thing which wasn't supposed to happen.
Fūck! She should not.
She shouldn't fūcking trust me for that.
I was losing control, this shouldn't have happened. I couldn't do this to her. The way she was looking at me, it felt more than just the trust.
This was not good.
"No, Ava. Don't." I rasped, shaking my head.
She frowned in confusion, the need in her beautiful eyes fading away. I took her lips again, savoring them one last time and she responded immediately, our lips melting together. Taking out all my frustration, I bit and kissed her savagely.
I stopped and pulled away.
Her chin wobbled slightly, and then; I knew I messed up. I was right, she was trusting me for something which I couldn't give her.
"Don't trust me, Ava. Not for that." I clenched my jaw, my heart denying what I was about to say. But I have to, I couldn't mix her in my life.
She wasn't made for my life, I couldn't jeopardise her life. My life was fūcked up, I was fūcked up.
Something inside me was breaking, and that hurt so fūcking much.
"I'm not good, Ava. I'm not good for you."
And, I left.
My heart aching with every word I said.
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Ava
I slammed the door shut and ignited the engine; driving out of the mansion. I was shaking, my breathing increasing rapidly.
My car was at it's maximum speed. I could feel my blood pumping fastly, my eyes getting heavier by each passing second.
When I got onto a relatively empty road and I revved up the beast. As I pushed the throttle down, I could hear the 4.5L V8 leap to life and feel the power of 570 horses throw me back in my seat as I rocketed forward.
And then came the climax, the epitome of adrenaline and the force of multiple G forces took my brain to a tizzy. I was hurting, my body was hurting, my mind was screaming me to stop but I didn't.
The cold air which was hitting me like a slap was making it difficult for me to open my eyes. I wanted this wind to ease my pain which I was feeling inside. The road was wet and slippery and I knew I will crash at any time near any corner.
I swivelled the wheel, taking a left when my car screeched by the movement. I forgot about the rest of the world and floored the throttle. The engine screamed to life and I took the engine close to redlining before I shifted and as I shot across the road like a bullet, the rest of the world around me turned to a haze.
I could only see the road ahead, dead straight spinning like an illusion and as an arrow and was constantly making sure I do not stray into the opposite lane with oncoming traffic.
It almost felt like I was going to take off and fly at that very instant. This was my escape. Driving car in this speed, racing with the air was my escape. After all, I had a dream of becoming a racer.
But nothing was helping. I could still feel the pang inside me, I felt like I was being torn apart.
I had no idea what this was, this was strange to me. The movement Aaron said those words, something in me cracked.
I wasn't expecting anything from him. But why did I feel rejected?
I was getting confused more and more, the pain in me rushing through my veins. I wanted to cry, but I did not. I won't let this thing take over my senses.
My head was hurting with all these questions which kept ringing in my head. I couldn't hold this anymore. So, I gave up, I let the tears flow down my cheeks. The familiar burn in my eyes skyrocketed.
I could see the end of the stretch far away, and then I found someone on the highway.
Shıt! No no no!
It took me a couple of seconds to react to that and even before I hit the brakes, I could see that person approaching me very fast. I almost jammed the brakes and the deceleration was intense as I bore my entire weight on my left lag holding on to the wheel with my hands and pushing down on the leg rest.
The car came close to a dizzying halt, the tires screeched and the engine roared to it's end. It took me a while to understand that, as my nerves calmed, my legs stopped shaking and the adrenaline rush started to subside.
I breathed a sigh in relief when I found that I didn't touch or hit the boy who was clutching his bag tightly against his chest, shaking hastily. I stepped out and rushed to his side, checking if in any case he was hurt.
"Are you okay?" I enquired, "I'm so sorry," I apologised quickly.
"It's fine, I'm okay," He said, nodding and stuffing his things in his bag which must have fallen. All the time, He never made an eye contact with me.
By some reasons, this boy looked very similar to me. I tried to look his face but he was just keeping his head down, avoiding me. I crouched down, and suddenly heard a cracking sound.
I looked down to find a pair of glasses below my knee, taking it in my hand. His eyes widened and he snatched it away from me. Oh god, did I just break it? Shıt!
"Jesus, I didn't know it was there. I swear I didn't see that--"
He looked at me, "Never mind," and, that was when I recognised who he was.
The nerd in the canteen whose chair I pulled when he was about to sit and he fell down with his food all over him - HOLY SHİT!
Now, I understood why he was avoiding to look at me. I felt....terrible.
"I'm sorry," I blurted.
He was fixing his broken glasses when he said irritatingly, "I said never mind."
"No, not for that," I shook my head, casting my head down, "That day, I was being so rude. I embarrassed you in front of everyone that day in the canteen. I feel so terrible now. I know I'm a fūcking bıtch who didn't care that time and now, I'm feeling bad. But it's okay if you don't want to forgive me, still I'm sorry. God, I feel so bad. I'm such a fūcked up bıtch. I'm so sorry--"
"It's okay, Ava." I looked up, shock was written all over my face. There was a small smile playing on his lips when he said, "it's good that you are actually feeling sorry for that, where some people don't even remember. You are not a bıtch, I mean I know most of the students take you in many another ways but you are not actually that bad. I never thought that I'll see this side of yours. You are not bad. I forgive you."
A smile graced my lips and I pulled him in a friendly hug. He stilled for a moment, then eventually relaxed. It felt light hearted after hearing this from him.
But Aaron's words were still hurting deep inside me.
~*~
"What were you even doing in the middle of the road?" I asked, focusing my eyes on the road.
He was adjusting his now cracked glasses and said, "I was finding this thing in which you kept your knee."
I looked at him slightly and gave him a cheeky smile, "I'm gonna make it up for you, dear nerd."
He snorted, "I told you not to call me that. My name is Deni, not dear nerd."
"True, but.." I fixed my gaze back on the road and continued, "Dear's - De and nerd's - ne; Dene but it's pronounced as same as your name."
"But--"
I cut him off, "And, you keep your nose stuck inside the books for a little too much of time."
This time, he laughed, "Look who's talking." He said, pointing towards me.
I glared at him and focused back on driving, "but I don't keep my book always with me."
"Okay, Fine. I'm a nerd. Alright, alright. Nerds don't really have an option but one in a million things - We are genius as fūck." He grinned, showing his cute dimples. Deni was one adorable and kind hearted boy I have ever met.
One cute boyish smile, dirty blonde hair and light brown eyes which could make anyone stop and adore him.
"Can't deny that!"
We laughed. I involuntarily checked my jeans pocket, my eyes widening when the fabric was felt flat, as if nothing stuffed inside. I stopped the car with a jerk and started searching below my seat.
"My shell!" I shrieked, my hands roaming frantically everywhere it possibly could. My heart started to thump in fear and loss of the only thing I could cherish in the absence of him.
"What shell? what are you talking about?" I heard Deni asking me in confusion.
I didn't know why but I started to cry. This was not me. I never cry for some reasons like this. I hated feeling like this. I have changed, everything has changed.
I couldn't hear what Deni was telling, it came out as muffled sounds. All I could do, was finding the shell that I had started holding dear to.
I slumped back in my seat and palmed my face, trembling a little. I felt a hand on my shoulder but ignored it, my mind was on something else.
I want it back. I want the shell. It was the only way we could meet again.
"I lost it." I blurted, tears blurring my vision. "I can never meet him, now. It was the only thing through which we were connected."
"Who?" He questioned.
"Aaron."
"The man whom you kissed?"
I nodded. I was out of my mind. I didn't want to ask how he knew about this. I just want that shell back. I might look stupid but I was dying to have it back in my hands.
"I'm so careless. It was important to me. Shıt! I can never meet him, I can never meet him!"
"Hey.. It's okay, Ava. It's just a shell, we can buy another one. There's n--"
"IT'S NOT THAT!" I screamed, warm tears were burning my eyes and my hands started to shake as I placed my head on the wheel.
"It's different... You won't understand," I sobbed profusely.
"I understand everything," he corrected and looked at me intently and said, his voice dead serious and straight; like he knew everything about it.
"You fūcking love him."
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Whoops!
Until next time.
Lots of love, Raaz xoxo