Remember that Cassidy still is in a coma, so don't think that she has woken up, because she hasn't.
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Chapter 33
-Cassidy-
Why is it so dark? I'm really scared. I don't remember anything. The last thing I do remember is that I couldn't breathe. But now I can breathe. I think so anyway, but in the same way it feels like I can't. It feels like it's artificial or that I get help to breathe in some way, like I get air in my lungs, but it dosen't feel like it's me who breathes it in. Weird.
"The doctor said that she really has to want to come back, in order to wake up", I hear my Uncle Peeta say.
Who is he talking about? Is he talking about me? Wait a minute ... Am I in a coma? Yeah, now that I think about it, it feels like I am, I mean it fits right. It's dark and I can't see.
"What if she doesn't want to come back?" I hear Finn say.
Finns voice sounds weird. It sounds ... Dead! Oh Finn.
I try to talk but I can't, it dosen't feel like my mouth is moving at all. Stupid coma!
"She wants to Finn, she wants to come back", I hear my Aunt Katniss say.
"No, I don't think she does, what do she have to come back to? She has been harassed by them forever now, since I went to school, but she is the only one who stood up against them, she was the only one brave enough", I hear Finn say quietly. "She doesn't have much to come back to, so why would she?"
Hm... I have to admit that he's right in what he says. Why the heck should I go back to wherever they are? If I do, my life will become just as normal and Kimmie and the others will go on to harass me.
But what exactly did they do? How did I end up in a coma? Oh it's really frutrating not to be able to remember what the hell happened.
But I don't think that I should go back. I really don't, why should I? What do I have to come back to...
"Finn ... she has you", I hear Charlotte say. Oh Charlotte are you out there? What are you saying? "I don't think you understand how much you mean to her, after you became friends again, you where almost the only thing she could ever talk about, how she became angry when girls followed you everywhere, how beautiful your eyes are, 'so green, like grass', she used to say, how good looking you are, how she loves that you are so good with Willow, that she loves the way you say her name and looks at her".
She's right. I think I remember telling her that. I'm not quite sure though, I don't really know if these voices I hear are real. I really don't. Maybe I imagine or something. Maybe ... Maybe I'm not in a coma, after all. Maybe I'm dead. I mean, I can't see anything, maybe I'm just blind? But no, that doesn't make any sense though, I can't talk either and ... oh I don't know. I really don't, I don't even know if my memories are real.
But when I think of Finn, I feel something strong ... Like he's important ... No, I mean, really important. But what is he to me? A friend? Hm... But why would I be angry if girls follows him around? Were we more than friends? I think ... I wanted to, but I really don't think he wanted that.
"Cassidy, please, if you hear me ..." I hear Finns voice say. "...If you hear me, I beg of you, please try to come back ... Cassidy I love you, so please come back to me, please".
Wait! Wait what did he say? Loves me? He loves me? Finn loves me? What?! This I really don't remember. Oh why don't I remember?
What am I? Am I just a thought? You know like a whisper or something you just hear in your head?
Please I want to remember. I really want to. But I don't know what I am right now, am I anything at all?
Oh Finn do you really love me? I feel like I want to ask him that. But how?
Maybe ... Maybe I should go back. For Finn? But how do I go back? How? I don't know. Help! Help me! How do I go back to Finn?
Like on cue, I actually see something. But what is it? A ... A light? Yeah, yeah it's a light, it's really pretty. No, no it's not pretty, no it's beautiful.
It should hurt bad in my eyes, but it doesn't. And now I'm standing right in the light and it feels like it's a part of me.
I can see my arms hang down my sides. I look down and I can see my feet, I can see my legs and hands. I hold my hands in front of me. They're clean, really clean, it's like I'm ... Shining.
I look around. I'm in a mirror room. I mean it, the room is basically made out of mirrors.
I see myself and sees that my skin actually does shine. My brown hair shines. Every inch of my body is shining.
Am I a ghost? But ... But if so it means I'm dead.
I see tears flowing down my eyes. My tears are glistening like real diamonds.
"Cassidy..."
I hear a whisper. It breathes my name. The voice is soft. I think I've heard this voice before. But when?
Suddenly a corridor appears in front of me.
"Cassidy..." the voice whisper.
I feel drawn towards the voice, like I really need to find it, so I start to walk in the corridor until it suddenly splits in two.
Which corridor should I take now?
"Cassidy..."
Now I hear that the voice is really close. Like it's here with me right now.
And that's when I see her. My grandmother.
"Grandma?" I ask uncertainly.
My grandma is dead. She died when I was five. This probably means that I'm actually is dead.
"Cassidy ... My sweet, beautiful and brave girl", Grandma says with a smile.
I touch her hand. But if I can touch her hand, I must be like her. I'm dead!
"Grandma am I dead?" I ask, even though I know the answer.
Though her answer isn't what mine would be.
"No Cassidy, you're not", she says.
I can't believe it. I'm not dead? So what am I?And where am I?
"You're still in a coma sweetheart", Grandma explains. "But now it's time for you to make a choice, and it must be now. We don't have much time".
"My choice? I have a choice Grandma? What kind of choice do I have? I really don't understand this at all, nothing make sense anymore".
"Your choice; if you want to return to life, or if you want to come with me", Grandma says, ignoring the rest.
"Go with you? You mean I'm going to die if I go with you?" I ask.
"Yes darling, you'll die", Grandma says. "Take a look in there". And so she points at the left corridor.
I see pictures that moves. Or it's more like movies, with me ... When I was a kid. Me and Finn, we're playing, we're laughing. I see Uncle Peeta and Aunt Katniss, Mommy and Daddy. The images changes and I see me and Finn in Uncle Peeta's and Aunt Katniss house ... We're lying on the sofa, kissing ... a lot. The images changes again and I see myself in the locker room, I get abused by Kimmie and the others.
"That's enough", I say and look away, it feels strange to see myself like that.
"Look inside the other corridor", Grandma says, stroking my hair.
I do as she says and see pictures there too.
I see my grandfather, he died before I was born but I have seen him on photos, so I know it's him. He smiles at me and waves. I see Aunt Katniss's little sister standing and holding a mans hand. It must be their father. Yeah it must be, he's very much alike Aunt Katniss.
I see a man who is like my father. My Uncle Castor. He looks very happy to see me.
Tears begin to flow down my eyes again ... He's my daddy's brother.
Everyone's waving at me to come to them. They're in a meadow, a beautiful meadow with really green grass and beautiful waterfalls with clear blue glistening cold water, beautiful apple-rich trees. I think it's a place you're happy in. Yeah, yeah I can feel the happiness from there. They're happy where they are.
I turn to Grandma. She smiles at me.
"And the choice is entirely my own?" I ask.
"That's right", she says and nods.
I know I'd be happy if I go with Grandma, it would be easy to live there.
Suddenly I know what I'm going to choose.
"Grandma I love you and I choose to ... Return back, it feels as if I'm not finished there, I need Finn to be happy, I really love him, and I think he needs me as much as I need him, besides, it would be easy to come with you, and who wants it easy anyway?"
Grandma looks at me and smiles, like she thinks that I'm making the right choice.
"I'm so proud of you Cassidy", she says, stroking my hair.
"I won't remember any of this, huh?" I sigh with a wry smile.
"I'm afraid not", Grandma says and smiles.
I walk to stand in front of the left corridor. I look over my right shoulder at Grandma.
"But wait for me Grandma, I'll come some day too", I say.
"Believe me, I will darling", Grandma says.
I start to walk into the corridor until I reach a golden door.
I take a deep calming breath.
I open the door and walk out.
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-Josephine xx