~
So being Gay was kind of looked on like it was a bad thing. I knew since I was little, but I was way in denial about it.
My mom grew up with very religious parents, so when anybody mentioned gay around them they would turn very homophobic.
The first movie I had a strong connection with was Mulan, because well Mulan knew by going into the army she would be breaking a lot of rules to be happy. Kind of like how I knew something was different about me that I was afraid of.
When I was three my mother noticed I wasn't like the other kids. I would listen to N*SYNC when I was bored, and instead of playing with G.I. Joes I played with Barbies. I would always have to pick out a certain fashion pattern for my Barbies.
Well they were more of my sisters Barbies, but that's not the point.
Also when I was little my sister had the Barbie Limo, and I ran over one of the Barbies, and I would have my own little game of CSI.
Eventually I became a teenager, and let's just say when you start to have crushes. None of my crushes were girls, but I wanted to deny that I was gay. I did a pretty great job of staying in the closet. Until I told myself.
"You need to just admit your gay, and get it over with"
Well instead of listening to the better part of my brain telling me.
"THIS ISN'T RIGHT! Hiding yourself"
I just kept it a secret.
Well freshman year of High school rolled around, and I decided I would date my best friend. She was my best friend since kindergarten. We still are besties to this day.
Well eventually I thought I would just be miserable for the rest of my life, until I kissed her.
There was no spark I hated it 100%.
Well I broke up with her a month later, and she was extremely pissed. She wanted to know if she did something wrong. I told her No, and that it was just complicated.
By now I had finally accepted the fact that I was gay.
One night me, and my cousin were hanging out, and I remember just telling in a regular conversation.
"Dude did you know I'm gay"
And his response was....
"Okay"
Just Okay. I asked him.
"Are you okay with this information? It may need some time to sink in"
And he said.
"No I get it you like guys"
And oh my God did I feel great after that. I had a cousin who greatly supported me, and refused to give up on me. Well I had one person down now my whole family was next.
I told my other best friend Destiny that I kind of had a secret.
She said.
"Oh My God did you kill someone?"
"No, but I just am afraid of what you'll think of me"
"What's wrong?"
"I have a crush"
"Awe who's the lucky girl?"
"Des.......it's not a girl"
"David are you Gay? Do you like boys, because it's okay"
Good now I have two people behind my back. I then told my Ex girlfriend.
"WHY DID WE BREAK UP WHAT DID I DO!"
"Nothing"
"Then why?"
"Do you honestly wanna know?"
"Lay it on me"
"I broke up with you, because I like guys"
She turned out to be supportive, and then it got easier so I told my Aunt.
BIG MISTAKE!
Later that night I went over to hang out with my cousin. I got a call from my mom I answered it.
"Hello?"
"I can accept the fact that you're gay, but I don't think you are. I think it's just a phase you're going through"
"No I'm not confused I'm gay"
"We'll have you had sex with a girl?"
"No, and I don't want to"
"Well I think you're just confused.
The next afternoon I got a phone call from my mom again. My sister was asking me.
"Why do you think you're gay?"
And I said.
"I don't think I know I am"
"You're ex corrupted you"
"no she didn't"
I hung up angry.
My mom came to pick me up saying I was grounded.
"YOU ARE NOT GAY UNDERSTAND?!" She hollered.
"But-"
"I WILL GET YOU DEPROGRAMMED BY GOING TO CHURCH YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE GAY!"
I was now in full blown tears.
All I wanted was acceptance.
The months afterwards were horrible. If I tried coming out I got told to shut up.
I became horribly depressed, and honestly contemplating suicide.
Until my cousin told me to listen to a band they found. Normally I knew about this band, but I didn't know a lot, because at first I didn't really care for them.
That was how I became a directioner from that moment on if I go upset I would listen to One Direction, and everything would be okay. Niall is my favorite, and Liam is my close second.
As my mood changed. Things slowly got back to normal. I made a new friend Bridget told her I was gay, and would vent about my mom trying to control my life.
Then the day that changed my whole life. When my cousins introduced me to WattPad. Where you could read, and write. I was afraid to write, because I thought it was only straight stories. Until I read my first BoyxBoy book. I saw how many reads it had. I was like.
"I wanna create my own BoyxBoy story"
I then read a Ziall fan Fic. Didn't care for it.
I then learned about how Liam was bullied when he was little, and I was like he is so inspiring, and that day he became my hero.
I then thought. If they have Ziall. Maybe they have... So I typed in Niam in the search bar, and started reading my first Niam story. It was so beautiful, but had a very sad ending.
As my obsession with One Direction grew. I realized eventually I would have to talk to my mom. I asked her if I could go see the One Direction movie This Is Us with my cousins, and it was amazing.
Fast forward around a month maybe two months I was talking to a guy online, and I slowly began to develop feelings for him. Eventually I asked him out, and I got a first boyfriend. I was super excited to finally have a boyfriend. So I changed my relationship status on FaceBook.
BAM! Everyone started congratulating me. Wanting to know with who, and I told my sister that I had a boyfriend.
ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE!
Two weeks later my mom asks me something I thought I would never hear.
"Who are you dating?"
So I just kept saying I wasn't gonna tell. Until...
"I see he makes you happy"
The one thing I wanted I finally had.
My mothers acceptance.
So I was on cloud 9 until other best friend told me he had a huge crush on me. I developed a crush on him, and so I got confused.
I asked my internet boyfriend if we could take a small break while I figured somethings out.
I started to date my best friend.
Until I found out the bastard had a girlfriend.
I told him I wasn't a side chick, and I asked my internet boyfriend for another chance.
We had the perfect relationship. Until we broke up, and we lost contact.
Now fast forward to me now, and I am a proud gay person ready to change the world for the better :)
If anybody who sees this is in the same boat I was in. Hold on it does actually get a hell of a lot better.