We all were silently eating dinner, only the sounds of spoons on plates were audible.
I, on the other hand, was eating so fast so that I could just leave from there before the awkward talks start.
All of a sudden I was choking on my food. Baba rushed to my side and started patting on my back and Wali gave me a glass of water. After a few minutes I was back to normal my face red and eyes watering due to the choking.
"Ya Allah Sarah what is the hurry, you must have to do your college work, right. How many times have I told you to finish your work beforehand. But you being you, do all your work at the last moment. Now eat properly and do your work afterwards. I know you are awake till late night" Mamma said in one breath.
I couldnt say anything and just nodded.
After sometime Baba cleared his throat and I knew the awkward part is going to start.
Mamma opened her mouth to say something but before she could say anything I jumped up from the chair and almost ran towards the kitchen to keep my plate.
Mamma called from behind but I ignored the first time and then.. she called again. Uff. I cant ignore her all the time.
"Yes mamma" I just stood in the kitchen doing nothing and replied from there only.
"Have you eaten properly? Come and eat some more"
"No mamma I am full. I dont want to eat anymore"
Silence.
I waited for a few seconds and ran out of the kitchen towards the stairs which leads to my room.
But to my dismay.
To reach my room you have to pass through the dining room where all my loved ones are sitting.
Mom called again as I kept my foot on the first stair. Aaggh.
"Sarah come sit for a few minutes we have to talk about something"
"Mamma, later. I have to do my work. Shabbakhair" and I again started walking.
"Sarah"
This time it was Baba.
And I couldnt walk any further.
"Oh! It must be important, hehe" I fake laughed to ease the environment and to hide my nervousness.
Oh I am So Gone.
I sat on the chair in front of Samia. To my left was Wali and my right was Baba and to Samia's right was Mamma. So she was also in front of me.
As I was sitting I just looked up at Wali and he winked at me and grinned. I glared at him but laughed internally. Wali and his humour. I know he is just making me feel better. But nothing could work at this point of time.
"Sarah.. Um.. Remember last week.. Um... We went to Huma Aunty's son's marriage" Mamma spoke.
I looked up at her and nodded. Knowing where the discussion was going I looked up at Samia for some help. But she wasnt even looking at me.
Huh. Good going Sis.
Mamma continued.
"So two days earlier Huma called.. And she said that there was this lady at the marriage who..um.. Liked you for her son and wanted to come to our house to meet."
All this while I was just so much interested in my dining table for the first time in my life.
But when I heard all this I was shocked. I mean Samia didnt tell me all this that some aunty who has nothing to do and check out girls for her grown up child will like me. I am not that good looking that someone will like me just by seeing me.
But whatever thats not the problem right now.
Mamma cleared her throat and then I realised that I was staring at her till now.
I looked away, took a deep breath and said
"Mamma I dont want to even think about it right now"
"What do you mean? You have to get married be it now or later. And this is the right age to get married." Mamma said.
All this while everyone else decides to just shut their mouths.
"Then it will be later"
or Never,
"but not now. You know that I want to build my career first. I dont have time for all of this sh- things" I replied with all of my calmness I could muster up.
I dont want to be rude or arrogant to my parents but I dont know for how long I will be able to stop myself from getting angry.
"I am not asking for your permission Sarah" mom said sternly.
I looked at mamma, tears forming in my eyes, fighting back the lump that was forming in my throat I was about to say something but Wali interrupted,
"Mamma please you cant force her-"
"Wali you keep out of this." Baba spoke for the first time.
And I just couldnt take it anymore. Tears started rolling down my cheeks.
"Sarah, darling we are not forcing you for anything. Its just that they wanted to come over and we cant say no to anybody to come to our house and you know that. They are just coming to meet. Its not that we will marry you then and there. And they are good people. All I am saying is they are coming on saturday and be at home. Be normal. Marriage n all takes time. And it is not necessary that we will like the boy. At the end its your call and you know that. We will never force you into something like marriage. Ok" mamma ended her speech.
I was fuming with anger. I stood up took a deep breath and said-
"Do what you want"
And with that I ran up the stairs to my room threw myself on the bed dugged my face in the pillow and cried. Cried with all my heart. After some crying I remembered that I have not prayed Isha Namaz.
Just then there was a knock at the door.
"Sarah open the door. You know I have to sleep in this room only. Open" Samia shouted from behind the door.
Why why cant I be alone for sometime.
I sat up wiped away my tears and opened the door.
Before she could say anything I went in the bathroom to make wudu, came out put the prayer mat on the floor and started praying. Not giving Samia a chance to speak.
The last thing I want to do is talk to someone. And I am so not in the mood.
I raised my hands in the air to make dua.
Ya Allah please forgive me for all my sins. Guide me to the right path. Help me take the right decision and whatever happens, happens for my best.Aameen.
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