I woke up to the dream of getting married. Like seriously. I dont want to get married. I know that marriage is sunnah and it is the half of deen. But due to what I have been through I despise the idea of getting married. I dont want to end up being like Chaachu (father's brother) or whatever they have been through, I have been through and I dont believe in the institution of marriage.
Ya Allah please forgive me. I have seen the best of marriages. I mean look at my parents, they are a beautiful couple. Ah! I hope that someone changes my opinion and I really do want to change for the sake of Allah.
But I cannot tell the reason to ammi and pop. So last night I just postponed the topic of marriage for I dont know how much time saying 'I dont want to get married now'.
But also I know my mom and looking at her face last night she will be adamant on getting me married.
Almost at that time the alarm for fajr salah went off and I went to tha bathroom for making wudu.
I sat on the prayer mat praying for the health of my parents and also to happen what is best for me.
"Assalamualaikum Ammi, Pop" I greeted them on the dining table having breakfast.
"So what did you think?" ammi asked.
I knew where it was going.
"About what ammi?" I asked eating the toast with mayonnaise. Did I mention how much I like Mayonnaise? Well I dont like it. I LOVE IT.
"About the marriage Beta (Son)" ammi said looking at me from above her glasses.
"What about it ammi? I already told you not now"
"Why Yazan?" now Pop asked keeping aside the newspaper.
"I am getting late for the office. I'll see you in the evening." I stood up taking my lunchbox when pop interrupted.
"Sit down Yazan" and I stopped hearing the graveness in his voice. Pop is almost never this serious. So I quickly sat back down without saying anything.
"I know the meetings can wait. I have done that whole my life and I think I am a bit more knowledgeable than you. I guess. So just sit with for a few minutes and talk to us" dad said raising his eyebrow.
"Yes Pop you are far more knowledgeable than me. I just dont want to talk about it." I mumbled looking down at my lap.
It is very rare to see dad this serious and I wont feel embarassed if I say that I am scared of his anger. Mom is silent all this while. When dad is serious no one dares interrupt him.
"Listen Yazan, we know why you are not ready for the marriage, and its absolutely fine. I mean you were very close to your Chaachu and all that happened, you must be scared. But it does not happen to everyone, look at us, your parents, we are so happy together" pop said looking towards ammi and smiling at her.
"Just give it a thought Yazan and I am sure you'll take the right decision. We are not forcing you and we never will but just think about it like seriously and calmly." pop said and sighed.
"Okay Yazan" he asked.
"Ok Pop" I said looking at them with puppy eyes.
"Now dont give me that puppy face. I wont fall for it" he said giving out a laugh and I grinned.
Whenever Pop is serious he ends up giving a lecture and a very good one. I am not criticising it. I am happy that he gave me that friendly advice and I sure am going to think about it.
"Now now" ammi said excitingly interrupting my thoughts "You know I saw this girl at Huma's Son's marriage an-"
"What ammi? You saw a girl. Oh yes thats why we are having this conversation. How could I not guess" I said sighing.
"Yes I saw a girl Yazan. And she is so beautiful and cute" she let out a squeal bringing her hands to her cheeks and I saw her in astonishment.
"So I asked Huma about her. Her name is Sarah. MashaAllah such a beautiful name. And she is pursuing MBA right now. She also said that Sarah is a simple and sweet girl and a practicing muslimah too." I could see the excitement in her voice and that look on her face gave me so much pleasure and satisfaction.
But then it hurt me also as I knew that her excitement will wear off due to my stubbornness. I dont want to see her sad. After all the last thing I would like to see is my mother unhappy and that too because of me.
And then I thought that I will certainly think about this for my mother.
"And I have asked Huma to talk to them" ammi said bringing me back from my thoughts.
"You what ammi? You talked to her? Ya Allah Ammi first let me think about it then-" and ammi cut me in between "You think about it and I will do what I want to" mom said grinning at me and I smiled back.
"Ok I have to go. Can I go now Pop?" I asked putting my hand on my chest.
"Yes yes go" pop said chuckling and I went to the door after mock saluting him and saying "yes sir".
"Yazan think about it" dad called from behind.
"Of course Pop" I answered.
"And remember she is very beautiful" ammi said chuckling. I groaned and opened my mouth to say something but mom interrupted me saying,
"And before you say something, She is beautiful from the outside AS WELL AS from inside. And she is also practicing muslimah, five times namazi and deeni" ammi said assuring me. I smiled and left for work.
I hopped in my car and put in the cd of naats and started driving. Ammi knows me so well. All that she said because she knows that outside beauty and worldly things are not the top priority for me unlike others. For me a person with a strong deen (religion) is more precious to me than the one who is famous and wealthy and beautiful. Allah has made everyone and a person who is made by Allah how can he be not beautiful.
Ya Allah help me take the right decision. After all Allah is the best of planners and whatever happens, happens for the best for a person.
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