I trail my lips down her neck as I slip my hand up her body and cup her chest; she gasps and responds to my touch immediately, wriggling a little.
"Finn..." She whimpers when I take my hand away. I slide down her body kissing her bare torso as I make my way down. I kiss her over her underwear and she moans. I think I enjoy it more because I notice the way I grow for her this time. I wonder what it would be like if we were to find that blissful place of pleasure together, but I know the stories from Starkiller Base and immediately push the idea down, I feel sick at the thought, and the memories, that I stop and sit back; Rey immediately opens her eyes, frustrated at my unintentional teasing.
"What's the matter?" She asks half-hearted, and slides up the bed so that she sits against the headboard. I climb up the bed and pull her onto my lap.
"How much do you know about what we're doing?" I ask her quietly. I need to tell her the little amount I know, it isn't fair that she knows less.
"What do you mean?" She grumbles, still irritated.
"You know, being intimate, how we work and what happens..."
"Why are you asking me this?" She frowns and shifts in my lap.
"I need to know because I want you to know the small amount that I know, I don't want to keep anything from you,"
Rey clears her throat. "Leia told me," she whispers.
"The General? What did she tell you?" I'm intrigued.
"To be careful," Rey mutters, and I feel a pang of unease reverberate through me. I wonder why she went through all the pain to bear her son, but I'm glad she told Rey.
"Of me... Does she think that I'll hurt you? That's what I wanted to talk to you about," the words all out on top of themselves.
"Yeah, she told me there are ways to make it hurt less but she wants us to figure them out ourselves," I sit back a little in contemplation but I am only more confused.
"What are you talking about?" Rey takes my hand and spreads her fingers between mine and holds on tightly.
"You're trying to tell me about sex aren't you?" I nod, my mouth parted in confusion.
"Yes..."
"I may have grown up alone, but I'm not completely clueless. Leia told me about it, she said there were lots of other things we can do, and she wa-"
I cut her off and complete the sentence, "Was worried that I'm going to hurt you, I'm not going to," I lower my voice. My skin crawls and my blood runs cold as I feel myself being taken back to Starkiller Base. Rey kisses my jaw, and laughs.
"That isn't what I was going to say, but yes, you will," I see a hint of a smirk on her lips and I furrow my brow deeply. She flickers her eyes down to my crotch for a few seconds. I feel my cheeks heat, I'm under the impression she happens to know more than I do. "We will try lots of new things and see what works."
"Rey, I was making sure you knew, I don't want to do that to you..." I shift uncomfortably at the memories as I shake my head.
"What if I want you to?" She says innocently with a furrowed brow pulling back slightly as if I have offended her. I'm silent for a moment; I'd do anything she asked, risk everything for her. She interrupts my thoughts. "It won't hurt every time..." Rey sounds certain but I shake my head.
"You don't know that," Rey opens her mouth to speak but I shake my head and continue, "Rey, my beautiful, Rey," I cup her cheek in my hand and pulls her lips into a frown. "You weren't there, you didn't witness the horrors of the reproduction program; what happened to those forced to participate." I take my hand from her cheek and she stays silent, "They took our strongest women and had them crying less than a day later," I closing my eyes and clench my jaw. Rey shifts in my lap so one leg is on either side of mine.
"Finn," she cups my cheeks, "You aren't there anymore. This is different," my hands hold onto her waist and rub circles into her skin.
"They wouldn't come back Rey. I could hear their screams, through double metal doors. Then the screams would stop, because crying for help is a symptom of non-conformity, and everyone needed to stay in line and know their place." I think this is the most I've ever told her about what it was like living on Starkiller Base and it feels like I'm violating her.
"Finn, look at me," I blink a few times and look into her eyes, "You're not there anymore, I've got you, and I want you because I love you, and I want you to want me too," Rey kisses both side of my cheeks before she pulls my head into her warm chest. I wrap my arms around her back and squeeze her against me.
"I don't want that to happen to you," I croak. "It was torture not pleasure, and we'd have new recruits in a few months,"
"I don't want to have children," she says matter-of-factly.
"Neither do I. But that's what happens, Rey."
"Not every time," I release her enough to lean back so I can look at her.
"Yes, every time. They made sure of that," Rey kisses my jaw a few times.
"It won't be like that for us; Leia gave me some pills and they prevent it."
"I don't know, Rey, it only causes pain and you have to take tablets... It seems like it would be too much,"
"I know what I can and can't handle, and what I want." Her voice fades to a seductive whisper and she leans forward. "I want you, in every way," her voice is thick and she stares down at my lips. "I'd do it all for you and only you," she whispers and I feel the knots tie themselves again. My mind fades from the memories of Starkiller Base and all I can think about is kissing her. "I'll wait for you to want me too, because we aren't in any rush," I nod, I'm not sure if that will happen, I just need some time to think about the fact maybe it would be different with her. If it is different when neither one is forced.
"What are these, 'other things' the General alluded to?" I wonder if trying something new will help change my mind, because I do want her, I just feel myself pushing up a wall. I moan as Rey kisses my neck and my fingers fumble over the clasp of her bra, eventually I unclip it and take it off her, throwing it across the room and kissing her soft skin while my hand massages her chest.
"I'm not sure, but I want to find out," she sighs.
"I think I was in the middle of something wasn't I?" She sucks in a sharp breath, and moans as I carefully roll her onto her back, nearly rip her undergarment off and find my way between her thighs.
I have her moaning my name in only a few minutes, but she stops me before I feel her shake. She takes my hand from her waist and pushes it down between her legs. I'm not sure how but I understand what she means and I crawl back up to her rosy cheeks and kiss each side of her face.
"Will it hurt?" I whisper.
"I'm not sure," she admits through rough breaths.
"Tell me if it does," I demand and she nods.
"Look at me," I coo and she opens her eyes as I start to slowly slip a finger inside her warmth. Her eyes pinch closed at the foreign feeling and I stop, but she pulls my mouth to hers. She kisses me roughly and I feel her roll her hips into my hand. For a split second I imagine that it isn't my finger that is inside her and I feel the blood rush down. I shake away the thought, I just told her I wasn't ready for that and now my mind goes straight there. I feel her small hand slip between our bodies and she starts to rub herself as my finger carefully curls inside her. I moan at the thought of her with her hand in between her legs but I'm too busy kissing her to look. She starts to grind harder and it makes me pick up the pace, pulling out a little to then push back in softly. I can't even hear her gasps because they mixed with mine.
"Oh Rey," I mumble into her mouth and she smirks, obviously proud of herself that I'm getting almost as much pleasure as I'm giving. She starts to get lost and can't kiss me back so I move to her neck and suck on her skin, I hear her squeak my name and she starts to shake under me. When her hand stops moving so does mine. Although she is exhausted she moves her neck from my lips and bends her head to kiss me on the mouth again. I run my hand up her accidently smearing her release all along her stomach before I cup her cheek.
"Lay down," she pants in between kisses. I reluctantly roll onto my back and she slides my undergarments down my legs. Rey moves to sit on my thighs but notices my leg is still bandaged. "Can I?" I nod and push her legs down on top of mine. My burn doesn't hurt but maybe I am concentrating too much on the way I throb with anticipation. I'm so hard it hurts but Rey doesn't waste her time before gently gripping me. The relief is instantaneous, I watch her move her hand up and down my length, she kisses down my abdomen looking up at me through her eye lashes and I twitch in her hand. I groan in pleasure, she smirks and moves a little bit further down. Her lips are only an inch from me, and I do not expect when her hand stops and she takes my tip in her warm mouth. I immediately melt into the mattress and I shut my eyes.
Rey pulls back, "Look at me?" she begs and I can't deny her what she asks for. She watches me through her eyelashes and that is enough to drive me crazy. I use one arm to push me off the bed slightly so I have a better view of her. She wraps her lips around my tip and pushes me into her mouth. Sucking softly, she runs her tongue along my shaft and I force myself to keep watching and not close my eyes from the overwhelming pleasure. The feeling is so intense and it only continues to build as she goes deeper and deeper. I moan so loudly that I feel it shake the mattress. She takes as much as she can and her hand moves up and down on the rest of my length. Her warm mouth is wet and her tongue is so smooth that once again I imagine what it would be like if it was the place between her thighs that enveloped me. I grasp onto her hair with my other hand and twist it in my fingers while she moves up and down. I try my best to hold on for as long as I can, savour the moment the best I can, but I don't even get time to warn Rey before I release into her mouth. She is surprised but continues her moments, sucking my tip until I finish. I'm a moaning mess, and I feel weak even after she takes her mouth away I ache with pleasure. My fingers slip out of her hair and my arm falls heavily by my side.
I'mstill panting as she moves up my body to straddle my waist. She rubs her lipstogether and they glisten, her eyes sparkle innocently and I sigh. My arm isunable to support myself up any longer, my back falls into the soft mattressand my head buries into the pillow. Exhaustion creeps under my skin and Iwelcome it.