A/n: This may contain triggering things. Please be careful. I don't want to give too much away but there are no hearts and flowers here folks.
*
It was ugly. The kind of ugly desperation of lost memories coupled with frustration. He was and wasn't my Noah. He was a Tsunami of emotion in his turbulent ocean eyes. And when he kissed me, his groan into my mouth was filled with that pain. More wounded animal than pleasure. And that pain was mixed with our kiss. He tasted bitter-sweet like eating a dark chocolate bar with sea salt flakes. Elegant, seductive, delicious, and oh so bitter to the taste at the same time. When he lifted me, pinning me against the wall roughly, I watched us in the mirror. My eyes never left him in the mirror as I open and wrap my arms around him. Rubbing against his heated warmth that was burning me up.
Each glance into his pain-filled gaze hurt. I couldn't help my eyes, always drifting from Noah and to his thick back. Those ocean blue eyes were too damaged for me. The mirror became a place to hide from him, but I couldn't hide from myself as I looked into it. Noah wasn't a guy of words. He wasn't going to give you fancy, smooth operator speeches. He was the type of guy to keep it plain and heartfelt. It was in the same way you could always find him outside his workshop in jeans, work boots, henley, and a flannel shirt. But for most things, I could always read Noah through his expressive eyes. Eyes he always hides with his long sandy blonde hair, but with it up in a refined bun there was no hiding.
He was exposed.
Raw.....
All the pain I caused.
Noah dragged his nose along my neck, and I lean to the side, giving him better access. My shivers followed in the wake of his lips because my body knew him. Trained to his touch over those long months of frantic fucking. Filled with so few nights of us not being together. His tongue plays at my neck and my body shifts against his tux-clad hard body. Searching for more of him. That was most of our time together in tiny moments that I let myself love him, knowing that I was his first. Knew that maybe he didn't love me back, but I loved him. Quiet moments where he could reach so deep into me, my soul cried.
I touched his beloved cheek, lifting his mouth to mine, and he savaged my lips. Drawing the dirtiest hungriest moan from the depth of me at his taste. We drank each other down so god damn thirsty. I lean my head against Noah's forehead. We were going too fast, way too fast. His beard brushes against my cheek as he shifts me and pushes up my evening gown. I wanted to savor what I couldn't have, but he wanted now.
But if I was honest with myself, so did I.
I push down my panties to the floor.
His thumb grazes against me. The big thumb moved through my creamy wetness and Noah hissed. As if touching my pleasure was touching his pain.
"Tari.." he said. I was trained to his touch, addicted to it, craved it every second I couldn't have it. Every second he wasn't near, but what I knew that was even worse was more than his touch. It was his thoughtfulness, his kindness, and the way he would watch me with such intent. Things could have been easier if I just missed that hard, thick cock that was pushing against my belly between us. But it was the man.
Rage, pain, and lust swirled in him when he stepped back. I slid back to my unsteady feet waiting for him. It's so foreign. I don't think rage was meant to touch Noah's expression. As if it was there to invade him. But the passion couldn't stop a fine line between hate and lust. Noah unbuckled his belt and opened his tux pants. His thickness bobbing proudly against his hard belly. It was a sight. Noah's hair up urbane... chic.. in a bespoke suit so well fitted to him he appeared like he could blend in with the rich, powerful people invited. With his hard cock out thick on display. Not a bit of shyness. He wasn't my Noah...flannels and sweet ocean eyes.
He took out a condom from his wallet. When we were together, I taught him how to put on a condom. I felt like I should say something. Being his first, just about everything. I told him to wear a condom if we were with other people or you should wear one if you have been with other people. It made him mad when I said that to him. He didn't understand why at the time. I guess he does now. He tore the condom open smoothly as if it was something he had done before many times. The thought hurt that he might have been with someone else while he was gone. Enough for him to think he should use a condom with me. It's protecting me but also fucked up.
Noah stood before me tall, powerful... and he was still so beloved to me.
He picked me up. His condom cover cock rubbed at my creamy entrance. For some reason, my world was changing around me faster. Water filled my lungs, but still so thirsty. The feeling dropped in my center. My core was clenching and releasing beyond readiness.
"Tell me to stop, if you do not want to," He says. The deep words tumbling from him. A fine edge of control and anger played across his expression. His hard jaw flexes. My lust was at a tipping point. The pain and lust became one big thing. I was gone, so god damn gone. I tilt my chin, watching that angry vein at his neck with him poised to take me to my core.
"Fuck me..."
We were hurting each other, this thing we were doing. We were extracting pain and it was what it was. As I slide down his thick length, stretching me all the way down as I needed it. The pain was twofold. Was he with someone else?
We use our bodies to tear greedy chunks out of our souls, and it hurt. It hurt so badly, but he felt so good. Greedy wet sounds of our joining. My core...wants ... for him as I open so he can hit it better. Shifting my hips against the wall to get more and more as my excitement drips from me. We fill the room with the smell of sex and pain. Hotness rolled down my cheeks, blurring our joining in the mirror from my view as I rode his thick cock. Shoving my wetness onto him, gobbling him into my core down as quick as he gave. We were nothing but grunts as the wildness took hold. And I choke back the heat in my eyes and the hard icy shared pain in my heart.
I couldn't breathe.
Sinking to the bottom of the ocean to the deepest midnight depths. Weighed down by the memories of us. The diamonds clasp around my wrist like some reminder of his kindness. And the memories of what we could have been and what we were so heavy. Pulling me down like chains to the seafloor.
And... I descended.
Down, down...
But instead of it just me being down, I pulled Noah down with me.
I couldn't fix us. We couldn't fix ourselves, but we could fuck.
A sexy broken, ugly fuck, like an abandoned ship in the middle of a vast ocean with a broken mast. Destin to sink to the bottom of the Sea. One of the most beautiful views on earth, but also the most hopeless. I taught him how to fuck and he was fucking me well. And it hurt but his thick cock feels so good stretched overfilled too fast. God, we were fucked up.
I drowned...
And I took him with me.
We drowned.
My body shook with him deep in me. His lips brushed against mine, and I reached for him. I bit his lip. Noah growled into my mouth, seating deep inside me. His hips were more forceful with each thrust. Broad muscular tux covered the back, working so hard. His hand was tight around my thick thigh, fingers dug in so hard against my dark skin. The contrast was so striking.
I felt it to my core when I clenched around him tight. His last hard lunge into my body, seating himself deeply. My cum was a hard, devastating one that felt so hurtful and so good at the same time. It had been so damn long since I had him. Noah's eyes never left mine as he join me, pleasure and pain racked his body. The soft eyes I'd come to love was gone, as his lust-filled gaze never left mine. I kept my body tight to his big one as he milked the last of himself into me and then he set me down on my unsteady two feet. He normally would hold me close after we came but he was so far away from me.
My wetness ran down my leg and cooled sticky bittersweet pleasure between my legs. I squeezed my thighs closed. Leaning against the wall for support, completely out of breath. Heavy pants were the only sound in the room. It was as if the air was language for all the things we should probably say to each other, and finally, we talked. Ultimately we said ya, we fuck now what? Because the devil was in the now what.
Noah was still in his urbane suit and his condom cover cocked was coated in my pleasure. It was a sexy sight, obscene as fuck, but sexy as hell. Even without all the emotional turmoil that came with what we just did. I wanted to cry and cum again. We are a mess. God, I'm a fucking mess. The thought circled in my mind with every glance at Noah. He took the condom off swiftly as smoothly and practiced as he put it on. It hurt to watch. The action thrust me again back to the memory of that moment when we had the condom talk on the boat again. Second time in the same room. My inner laugh at my own dumb joke sounded caustic, even to my own thoughts. He did like I said, 'if you were with someone else or think your partner might have been wear a condom.' He did, so why do I keep circling on that thought? Like it's some big strike at me. It was self-center and dumb, but I wasn't fully rational at the moment. My mind was swimming in my recent orgasm and the painful awkwardness of the moment.
Noah reached over to the vanity top to pass me tissues. His eyes were glued to the wetness running down my thigh. I cleaned up, then threw away the tissue and fixed my evening gown. Hair wasn't that bad and everything else wasn't awful. It was totally savable. And he also cleaned himself up. Fixing his pretty hair and his beautiful suit. He looked as slick as the moment I saw him in front of his boat. A powerful broker of the world likes the guest at the event. But to me, he would always be Neptune, the sea god. Then again, he got an upgrade for modern times. And as I watched him in the mirror with my eyes taking stolen seconds while I clean myself up. I was struck by him. I missed my sweet Noah, but this powerful Noah was one to be reckoned with as well. He was powerful, and cold now.
I still smelled like sex and a salty sea, but not much to be done about that. It wasn't a huge problem unless someone got extremely close, then lingered and sniffed. If someone is doing that, then I'm already fucked, anyway. He caught my eyes on him in the mirror. Noah's sad ocean blue eyes were caught by me as much as he caught mine.
"You are fired." He said the three words like a sledgehammer. It was absolutely stark rawness. Without reprieve or sugar coating. And this man I could have counted the words he said to me on two hands since he came back.
"Talk to your sister. I already quit." His eyes never left me. This new urbane Neptune sea god looking at me in the mirror. He nods, and throws the condom in the trash bucket, then turns and walks past me through the door without looking back.